Harbinger

Yesterday morning, at 5:30am, I had a dream.

I was asleep, but I thought I was awake. Hubby came into the room. He was putting on his clothes, and he told me, “I’m not going to work today. I’m going to Intensive Care.” I said, “What? WHY? I knew you were sick, but you don’t look THAT sick!” He replied, “My mother is there. Her lungs are full of stuff. They don’t know if it’s lung cancer or pneumonia yet, but she’s dying.” He walked into the bathroom, and I got out of bed and followed him, wanting more details and wanting to know if I should get dressed, and go with him, if he needed me. I came out of the bedroom, and standing by the bedroom door was a Harbinger. It looked kind of like a dementor but had no eyes, no face. It moaned, low… and the moan made every cell in my body turn to ice. I felt that moan in my SOUL.I woke up, and got out of bed, and my husband was in the bathroom. I told him, when you come out, we need to talk. Last night, he dreamed his dad was having trouble breathing. He didn’t go to work today. Something is wrong.

Beansidhe at least have beautiful voices. Their wailing is shocking, but it doesn’t HURT, it just makes you want to weep with them. Harbingers make you FREEZE. I woke up ICY. I HATE those suckers.

They’re not bad, they’re not good, they’re TOTALLY neutral, but they’re still unpleasant as F**K.

The really weird thing is… Hubby DID call out of work today, but he’s fine, and he called his parents and his parents are fine, too. They both said they’re the picture of health. So… I don’t know why the Harbinger was even HERE!

They’re not…. scary… just… creepy. And freaking COLD when they moan. I really don’t know what the harbinger was trying to tell me. They don’t speak you know. They just moan. They really just show up, moan, and leave. Like I said, they’re not actually helpful.

So… that Harbinger dream this morning? My dad’s brother died of a heart attack. I didn’t really know him. He was a serious alcoholic, hadn’t been sober in over a year, the heart attack was a result of complications due to cirrhosis.
I’m sad for my dad though.

So there you go. Yesterday at 5:30 AM, I met a Harbinger.

Yesterday evening at 8:30 PM, my dad sent me the text notifying me of his brother’s death that afternoon, from cardiac arrest due to complications from cirrhosis and liver failure. He was 48 years old.

Stupid Harbinger. You could have given me more to go on than fluid in the lungs. You didn’t even give me the right PERSON! What’s the point of being drawn to bloodlines and disasters in them, if you don’t give us what we need to STOP THE DISASTER!

:frustrated: :crying:

My dad is a bit of a mess… but I’m not telling him a Harbinger came. I think it’d really screw him up more. I think he was expecting Sean to die, honestly – the man’s been trying to drink himself to death since he got out of the SAS and we’d all pretty much given up on him… but it’s his brother in arms, closer than blood.

Sean – I cannot say you will be missed by me. I didn’t know you well enough to say such things. I came home one day to discover you an uncle, and that was that. We take in strays, and you were Ours. Whatever pain you were trying to sauce away is done now, and for that I am thankful. Go see my father when you’re feeling better, man… he needs you.

Bless your feet, that walked on crooked paths.
Bless your knees that knelt on bloodied soil.
Bless your loins that made no children.
Bless your heart that broke so deeply.
Bless your tongue that spoke so sweetly.
Bless your hands that wrought such travesty.
Bless your eyes that close to history.
Bless your mind that rests on without toil.
Bless your soul, that walks on to brighter tasks.
May you rest in peace, brother in blood of my father.
May you find your peace, brother in arms to my people.

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3 comments on “Harbinger

  1. a light for your loss, may his steps be led true to the gates

    I don’t think those sorts are there to actually Do anything about it, just fulfills the loop

    the most we can do is light a candle for him, and ask that those who love him guide him home.

    Like

    • I know they don’t DO anything… they’re neutral. They’re just drawn to disasters. I just… wish it had come sooner, and been clearer. Maybe Sean would… no, I know this is better. I just don’t like my dad hurting. *sigh*

      I know it’s considered by our current culture to be amoral to look at someone and honestly know that they’re better off dead, but I know it’s also ethical to be honest about a person’s pain, and what they are able to contribute to the people they touch, either because of, or in spite of, that pain. Sean was beyond contributing – all he had left was his pain and his desire to wash it away… and he has succeeded admirably.

      I’m not going to feel guilty about the fact that I wasn’t allowed to help him, and I’m not going to feel guilty about the fact that he’s dead now.

      Like

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