Healing For Beginners

If you have not already read my articles on chakras, you will need to start there, or these exercises won’t make any sense. Here is the link to all my chakra lessons: Chakra Lessons

Choose a body part – I prefer to pick a hand.

Enter the state in which you See/Sense best. From here on out, when I say Look – I mean look with sight or sense with sight. This exercise requires looking without touching – if you have issues please feel free to contact me for help or to answer questions.

Look at your hand. First, look at the skin. Notice the energy and the health of the skin. Now, look beneath the skin. Look at the muscles and tendons. Notice the health and energy of these. Now look below, to the bones. Notice the health and energy. Now look deeper – notice the veins and arteries. See the blood flowing. Notice the energy and health of these systems. Now, look at the nerves. Notice the energy and health of this system.

Slowly back out. Center and ground. What did you notice? Did you see things you think should be repaired? Consider how you might go about that.

Do not do any repairs for this exercise. Document your experience.

Yesterday we practiced seeing the physical structures of the body. Today we’re going to focus on the energetic. Looking at the same body part that you chose yesterday (I chose a hand), today, look at the shimmer of the physical/magnetic aura just above the skin. Check for weak spots, and for flares. How do the weak spots and flares relate to what you saw in the physical structures yesterday? Move on to the major chakra of that body part. What does the chakra look like? Do you notice any dark spots or paling of color? What about the size of the chakra? Now move into the channels of the chakra. Do you see any clogs? Do you see any weaknesses within the channels that move energy from this chakra to both the minor chakras and the rest of the body? Now follow those channels to the minor chakras in the area you are looking at. Are they bright, overly bright, or dim? Do they show signs of being blocked? Compare the minor chakras you are looking at with a map of that body part’s acupressure points and nerve clusters to find out if any are missing, or if they’re out of place.

Remember to look without touching, and do no repairs today.

Today’s Healing Exercise –

Again, choose the body part you wish to focus on. I’m sticking with the hand. This time, instead of looking at the physical structures and the energetic structures, we’re going to delve into the purely structureless energies.

First, focus on the aura of the body part which you are most familiar with. For some, this will be the personality aura, for others the magnetic aura, for others the spiritual. Whichever layer you are most comfortable with, start there.

Now, focus on changing the vibration at which your sight is functioning to both higher and lower frequencies, in order to see other layers of the aura. This may require an entire mental/spiritual shift of your energies.

The aura is a 5th-dimensional energy. This means that it has depth, height, width, moves through time, and also has extra dimensionality, which ALSO has depth, width, height, and moves through time.
The dimensional shifting is the most difficult for a lot of healers, so take your time. See as many layers as you can see, and take notes.

Remember to move into the body, as well as around and above it. Remember to look for low vibrational auras, and high.

What do the layers look and feel like? What is their purpose? Do they have any weak spots, any smudging or astral clingers? Do they have any blockages? What might those blockages represent?

If you look at the layer of an aura and define what part of the person it relates to, and then look at the blockage as it relates to that type of aura, you can tell what’s really needed to resolve the issue – even if it’s not something you as the healer can repair, but that the person must work to repair on their own. Sometimes, you can also see ways that you can guide that person into that healing.

Remember to take notes of what you see, look without touching – and do no healing on the layers today.

Ok, so the exercises of last month were to teach you how to see physical structures, the chakras and channels, and the auras.

Today, I want to talk about some very basic healing techniques.
Firstly… you will need to know your colors. A brief explanation of colors and their meanings when it comes to chakras and the auras can be found here:

https://www.color-meanings.com/aura-colors-and-meanings-how-to-read-auras/

https://www.chakra-anatomy.com/aura-colors.html

https://www.auraaura.co/aura-colors/

Each of those sites gets more complex, so start with the first link and work your way through all the colors.

Why is it important to understand colors when healing? Colors tell you what the problem is, and colors are the solution.

For example, if someone has a muddy yellow, then you know this person has trouble with communicating their thoughts, shuts down easily, and probably has some confidence issues related to or causing that communication dysfunction. If the muddy yellow is also seen with a corresponding deep, sick green, then you’re looking at someone who takes everything personally. If that person has a blue that swirls and if those swirls are darker colors which look nauseating, then you’re looking at a person who likes to use emotionally verbal attacks to manipulate people.

What’s the solution to that host of issues? Aside from therapy, the solution to clearing an aura is two-fold.

First, you want to cleanse and clarify the colors so that they become pure. Using white to flush and detox the aura works well, but so does simply “grabbing” the color and convincing it to change for you.

Secondly, you want to reach into the root of the issue and bring it up to the foreground so that the person can start to resolve it in their daily life. It’s important to ask for permission and also to warn them that trials and change are coming. They have to be WILLING to work on these issues, or bringing them into their consciousness will only result in further retreat.

When you’ve got permission, then you’ll CAREFULLY bring the root out, and connect it to their daily life. Surround the root with gentle flowing energy that slowly rubs it away, and connect THAT to their daily life.
Sometimes, you cannot fix or change an aura. At that point, tell the client that this issue is something you cannot fix, because they’re not ready, or not willing. Give them the information and LEAVE IT IN THEIR HANDS.

Never forget that while you are a facilitator, the true healing happens because the person you are working with takes responsibility for their healing, and makes changes in themselves to support it. You cannot change people, you can only guide them.

Let’s talk more about healing with color.

https://www.gaia.com/article/deciphering-aura-colors

This talks about pain being a sulfur color. So when you’re dissolving pain, you want to use a color that will change sulfur into the color that you feel it should be.

Sulfur is a yellow and orange color, so using blue or purple would balance out the issue – however, you have to be careful because certain blues can actually change the area to grey, which encourages depression and can deepen physical pain by adding an emotional aspect. Physical pain is often caused by inflammation. Inflammation reacts best to either cold colors (blue) or warm colors (reds). This can change with the type of pain, and also the type of person, so going with your instincts is good. You can also massage the areas where you find blockages or tightened flows. Energetic massage is an excellent technique, especially combined with color therapy.

How would you treat the other issues when those colors show up in the aura?

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My Best Advice to Beginners

I write a lot of informative posts, teaching metaphysical basics. I’m constantly getting private messages – I’m open to that because I enjoy teaching, I enjoy sharing knowledge and helping others grow. I end up with a lot of people coming to me with “So I experienced this. Was it real? Can you check?”

I think that people who start a metaphysical path have this idea that they’ll say a few magickal words and suddenly the Halls of Knowledge(TM) will suddenly open and they will be able to know all, do all. I used to call it Magick Wand Syndrome. But there’s a lot of insecurity in dealing with the unseen realities around us – “what’s my imagination and what’s actually there?”

We’ve all been there… but those of us who get past it… get past it by figuring out how to trust ourselves – and sometimes validation is helpful… but not when it becomes a crutch.

I feel like… if I keep checking for people, they’re never going to trust themselves. I said to one – “I see/sense the world through my own filters, my own experiential lens – if I don’t line up with yours, then you’re going to doubt your experience more than you do now, and that loss of confidence will block you further. Stop asking me to confirm your experiences, and start asking the universe to give you signs that can confirm for you. You need to believe in yourself more than me, or anyone else, if you’re ever going to get anywhere.”

I have had that same conversation like… I dunno… 9 times in the past four days? So I realized I needed to write this.

There are a few mistakes I made when I was just starting out on a magickal path. My choice of path has changed, but the mistakes that I see others making are the same ones I made, too.

Don’t compare your experiences with others. You don’t know what gifts they have, you don’t know where they excel and where they don’t. This is an online community. For the most part, you’re not going to see the most human parts of us – we don’t often share our failures, we don’t talk about bathroom breaks or how we put pants on… but we’re human just like you. We’re flawed, just like you. There are absolutely places where you excel and we don’t – just because you don’t know them yet doesn’t make them invalid. When you base everything you hope to achieve, all your expectations, on the achievements of idols – you will fail. You will never measure up to an illusion.

I spent so much time thinking to myself, “If I had that person’s training/upbringing/opportunities I’d be so much further along now!” It’s not a race. You discover what you discover when you’re ready to discover it, and not before. If I’d had someone else’s upbringing, I’d probably still be right where I am now, because I’m me, and not them. The same goes for you. Previous opportunities lost or received does not mean that you’re behind or deficient.

Don’t use hero worship as an excuse to fail. Sometimes, we look at our idols and think, “I’ll never be like them, they’re so wonderful and perfect.” No, we’re not. Just because I don’t share all the ways I’m SO not perfect and all the parts of my life that totally are not working out for me doesn’t mean I don’t HAVE THOSE. Just like you. I see this so often – people idolizing someone, and then not following their own path, but following that person instead, and constantly comparing themselves and not measuring up to that illusion they’ve created of that person. You’re never going to measure up to an idealized person.

A friend of mine who runs a very successful Demonolatry forum and attached store has insecurities. She has days where she cries. Her insecurities sometimes cause her to go along with a situation that’s not the best for her or others, because her insecurities make her afraid to move. Every way she turns, someone gets hurt, and she doesn’t want to be the one to step on toes.

I have insecurities. Actually, sometimes I have that exact same insecurity. I also have MOODS. There have been times I’ve just gone on the warpath and snapped at everyone in my way. I get impatient and fed up with stuff, and I go on the warpath and make sweeping decisions that ARE NOT MINE TO MAKE… and people get hurt.

Another very successful practitioner who runs an online magickal store wears trouser socks. I know this because at a chat party 8 years ago, a fan won a prize and asked for their prize to be a pair of his socks. He handled it quite gracefully, but… look at this from our perspectives. How would you feel if someone thought so highly of you that they wanted to wear your clothes, as if wearing them would somehow help them to be awesome, too? Like, say you’re fantastic at a sport. I suck at sports. Can I wear your jockstrap so suddenly I can throw a ball better? I don’t want to do any of the work you had to do to get that skill… I just want your jersey.

It’s creepy – this hero worship. It’s not healthy for you, it’s not healthy for those of us on the receiving end.

Once upon a time, these practitioners were two years old. They threw temper tantrums in grocery stores because they wanted that stuffed animal or those cookies. JUST LIKE YOU. They grew up. They learned things.

My demonolatry friend didn’t just learn about demonolatry and working with demons from her family – eventually, she actually gave up most of her life to pursue work with other human beings, and demons, with skills she wanted to learn. She gave up safety, and her family worried. She sacrificed to get where she is – it was hard work. Her achievements are based on pain and struggles… and they’re not over yet. She’s still moving forward, and there are still a lot of mountains to climb.

Once upon a time, every practitioner was an apprentice who didn’t even know how to cast a circle. They got where they’re at the same way everyone else does. They trained. They studied. They fought for their place in the world.

All the things I write for you – never forget that I am autistic. That I have PTSD. That I suffer every day. Never forget that I have migraines so bad I have to pad my panties because I lose control of my bladder during them. I Am A Human Being. I have problems. I’m not perfect.
YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE PERFECT TO SUCCEED. You just have to try. And when you fail… you have to try again. A different way. And keep trying.

None of your heroes are heroes. Don’t compare yourself and set yourself up for failure. It’s hard, grueling work to get where we are. If you want it, you’ll pay for it. But it’s worth it.
So many people ask me questions, every day. I’m not the only one who gets flooded with questions. I enjoy helping people, I have the time. I don’t mind doing a quick google search for you if I don’t know the answer but I do know how to find it. I don’t mind sharing my experiences and what I know. However – I really don’t like it when people put my knowledge above their own personal experiences. I feel, sometimes, that my answers matter more than your own, and that’s NOT HOW IT SHOULD BE.

It’s important for you to do your own research, your own experiments. It’s vital that you get your own answers, and that you test those answers. It’s ABSOLUTELY THE MOST VITALLY IMPORTANT THING EVER THAT YOU LEARN WHAT’S REAL AND NOT THROUGH YOUR OWN SENSES. You have to learn to trust YOUR OWN EXPERIENCES… or why are you here? It’s important to discover yourself, and the magick inside you – and you won’t do that if you’re constantly looking to your idols to provide you with the things you feel you lack. You have to go out and learn how to provide for yourself. Our answers aren’t always going to be the best answers for you because you are an individual universe, unfolding in your own way.

Spells, connections to deities, companion bonds, articles that offer advice – all these are just TOOLS. They’re not meant to supplant ACTUAL EFFORT. Please stop comparing yourself to everyone else. Please stop looking at successful people and deciding that success is an impossible goal for yourself – and please stop defining success by the paths your heroes are walking. Believe in YOURSELF… and believe in OUR humanity. Believe we aren’t perfect… and that you have a chance.

Test your intuition. Explore your senses. Learn what’s real for you. You don’t need us to tell you what’s real – we won’t always be there. You HAVE to learn this for yourself – learn to believe in yourself and your intuitive experience.

Think of it this way. There are two types of people in this world. Both suck at sports. One type looks at sports and says, “I’m really not good at that – I’m going to try again. I’m going to listen to teachers, and I’m going to train my muscles. I’m going to keep practicing until I’m better. When I’m better, I’m going to see if I can push myself further. How far can I go, if I keep trying?” The other type of person says, “Those people over there are so much better. They’re just gifted. They’re naturally better at sports. I’m not. I’ll never be like them. I’m just not going to try.” 

Who do you want to be?

Success is different for everyone. There is no measuring stick for success because what makes me feel successful is getting out of bed in the morning, and what makes you successful is being able to cover this month’s car payment, and what makes your idols feel successful is something completely different.

Don’t measure us by your standards. Don’t measure yourself by ours.

I love you.

Gamaliel

I take three deep breaths, and the mountain is before me. I watch as the sun moves and the shadows drift from side to side. I feel my own light and shadow flow, feel the balance. I drop deeper into my own balance, into my core, molten and alone. I let go, becoming the sea of magma, the flames that flicker. I drop deeper.

I stand on the edge of the precipice. Below me, there is nothing but the Void – a dark, spinning vortex of breaking, unmaking, creating.

“Why are you here?”

“I want to know.”

“What do you want to know?”

“Anything. Everything. I don’t know.”

“Who are you?”

“I do not know, anymore… I guess that’s what I seek. I want to know.”

“Come, then, Seeker. Come and be destroyed.”

“Will I be remade? Will I find what I seek?”

“That is up to you.”

I take a step, and suddenly, arms swing around my waist. It’s a man, wearing, of all things, a white ten-gallon hat. “Hold on there, now, partner.. let’s not be hasty.” His accent is thick, Hollywood Texan. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“I’m jumping.”

“I can see that, but… Why? It’s not safe!”

“No, it’s not. But look at it… It’s beautiful. It’s home. I want to go home.” I can see the oil slick swirls, a black Galaxy of stars and rainbows below me… And inside me, the same vortex of color, reaching and forever separated. I reach for the edge again, because we are beautiful, and I know it so well.

So I jump. I fling myself into nowhere, dive into nothing. I watch as I come apart, molecules and atoms swirling in the madness. I am the tornado rioting at the center of all things. I am Void.

But nothing lasts forever, and slowly what is torn apart reforms. We drop from the center into darkness, our body sludge-like, thick, black, tarry, we ooze into a familiar form. Molten cracks smoke, ash falls, flames lick. Earth solidifies, takes on flesh and bone. I stand in the cavern, the only source of light, and begin to walk.

Slowly a shape appears, far in the distance – a shining white oval, a gate suspended, blinding, in the nothingness. I walk towards it, but it will not let me through. It is closed to me, solid. A voice in the dark speaks. “Give me your truth, and you may pass.” The creature, burnt and thick-skinned, all teeth, is familiar – the Guardian at the Gate. “Give me your heart.”

“My heart? My truth?” I look within myself, at my heart, and see nothing. It will cost me nothing to give it up. He may have it. “My truth is I am afraid to care.”

He raises his claws, and carves out my heart. “You have given me nothing. Give me your power.”

“I will not. It is all I have. I will not give it to another.”

“Then you may not pass.”

“Give me yours in place.”

“You cannot hold my power. You cannot hold my place!” He laughs.

I cannot give my power up. I take it out, and look at it. A globe of gold, empty inside, dripping blood and blackness… It isn’t much anymore, but it’s mine and I will not give it up.

“What if I give you a seed to take its place?” He holds it out, sprouted, in soft, rich, dark loam… And I want it.

“Can I take that with me?”

“No.. you would have to leave it with me. I will keep it safe.”

I cannot trust. “Will I come back this way, will I see you again?”

“You might.” He smiles. It’s not enough. I shake my head. “What do you feel?”

“Where’s the trick?”

“No trick.”

It’s my turn to laugh. “There’s ALWAYS a trick.”

“And that is your truth. Show it to me.”

I take it out, and we look. It is an infant, no, a child, no a girl, no, a woman, no, a babe. We see the treads of a shoe. We see the kick. We see the cost – we see the trick. We cannot trust… Nothing is free, not even love. There is always a trick – there is always a price.

I hold her close to me, sheltering her… But it’s not to be. I hold her out to him. “So tiny, so young. It goes back further than this, don’t you think?”

We watch as aeons teach us. Pain teaches us.

“Give me this, and you may pass.” I sigh. I accept. I surrender. His teeth sink in, my wrist, my neck… I raise my lips to him and kiss them… And then the world goes white.

*Edit – Raven’s Notes*

So, the reason for the title is because the whole time I was in the cavern and at the gate, that name kept echoing everywhere, as if it were shouted, and the echoes were still going. I had to think on it, though. And do some research.

I don’t think that I was actually in the Gamaliel sphere – I think I was at the doorway to it, in Nahemoth. Gamaliel is where you deal with sexuality, and this clearly had nothing to do with that. The realm of Reschaim, however, seems far more likely given the comment “Come, Seeker and meet your destruction.”

Nahemoth/Nehemoth/Nahemo/Lilith/Reschaim
Nahemoth is the first sphere and it corresponds to the Black Earth—the astral realm wherein fairies reside. Nahemoth overlaps with our planet, and any given gap between trees, moments between musical notes, or causal location can be or become a gateway to its mysteries. The name Nahemoth [the Whisperers] is also rendered Nehemoth and Nahemo and the Qlipha has the alternate names of Lilith [Night Spectre] and Reschaim [Elements]. It is ruled by Nahema/Na’amah, and to it are attributed new beginnings, curses or hexes, natural disasters, self-transformation, destruction and death, rebirth or redemption, revolution, psychic vampyrism, personal magnetism, witchcraft in general, sexual power, enchantment, rebellion, opulence, carnality, atavism, worldly power, death, ruthlessness or cruelty, and illusion or deception. Herein the magickian begins to acquire self-knowledge and learns to emulate & use the characteristics of the demonic masculine & demonic feminine alike.

https://vkjehannum.wordpress.com/2017/12/04/the-ten-spheres-of-the-qliphoth/

*Salient points in bold*

All those qualities seem very much like what I was dealing with, so I’m not sure why the echo of the word Gamaliel was happening. Do the gates shout their names? Aside from my work with Leviathan, I haven’t much dealt with the Qlippoth realms before now – I’m not even familiar yet with the names of the spheres – I actually had to look up the word after I came out of the meditation.

This issue I have with trust, though, is clearly going to be a huge focus for me because it keeps coming up. It’s not inaccurate, I’m not wrong in saying that nothing is free, that everything has a price attached to it… but my issue isn’t with the cost, so much as the injustice of the prices. It’s always seemed to me that some people simply pay less, or don’t even notice the cost – but even things basic to our survival, such as love and touch, come with prices attached… and that price is a “gotcha.” You can’t do without what’s being offered, but is it worth what you pay?

Increasingly over the past five years, my answer has become, “No,” which has caused me to shut down in ways that I recognize are seriously unhealthy, but I can’t seem to stop saying it.

Since the Qlippoth is all about dealing with your shadow, through the shadows of the Tree, and “There is always a trick, there is always a price,” is definitely mine, I think this is going to come up again and again.

Which is totally freaking me out. lol

Greek Philosophy Creates Zen Magic

“Give me a place to stand, and a lever long enough, and I will move the world. ”
― Archimedes

Even practitioners of magic don’t always understand it. That’s important to remember, whether you’re a curious observer, a neophyte, or a seasoned worker of the Art.
There are few rules besides one – Know Thyself.

Most modern practitioners will tell you there are two types of magic – low magic, the art confined to worldly matters, everyday problems in life – love, career, money, safety, justice and revenge, healing. All these are, no matter how they are achieved, considered to be low magic. They affect this realm only – the lower realm only.

High magic is the magic of spiritual gnosis and transmutation. High magic, no matter how it’s done, is the art focused on evolving your spiritual consciousness.

Both are levers and a place to stand. However, as someone who’s been a practitioner for forty years, I can say with absolute certainty that when you polish and clarify your soul and make of yourself the purest lever, and your spirit the strongest place to stand, low magic is absolutely unnecessary.

About 8 months ago, I loaned out some of my spiritual and magical texts to two different people. Last week, I decided that eight months was more than enough time for them to learn what they could, and I was ready to have my books back.

I decided that when I next had a good mental health day, that I would contact the two borrowers, and ask for the return of my books.

This never happened. Instead, within three days of making the decision that I was ready to have my library complete again, and making a plan to bring that about, both people contacted me, scheduled a time to visit, and brought my books home to me.

This happened completely organically. My decision simply evolved into a solution, bricks fell into place, the Universe opened the way, and what I desired became reality, without any real effort on my part beyond actually deciding I was ready to call my stray texts home.

This is what High Magic achieves. Years of work to know myself, to shore up my weaknesses, or even to delve into the depths of them, years of work to refine my strengths, has made the entire universe my place to stand, and me the lever that moves the world as I see fit.

Not to say that I can walk on water, or prevent Trump from getting a second term in office, but – when situations touch on my life, my needs, my decisions – there I am the absolute authority. I am the power in my life.

Low magic gets you that job you thought you wanted, or that great guy you saw at the bar last night. Low magic doesn’t fix why you weren’t satisfied with your current employment, and it doesn’t make the relationship with that guy work out.

High magic makes you aware of your real needs, drives, desires – and as a consequence, what you decide you are ready for simply and naturally occurs, with, as the Zen Buddhists say, Effortless Effort.

You aren’t happy in your work – high magic lets you know who you are, and what your part is in your dissatisfaction, lets you see clearly what the root issue is, and when you’re ready, and you make a choice to fix it, the work that will bring you joy and satisfaction, wholeness within, will simply fall in your lap. The same will occur with relationships, with finances, with any lower realm concerns.

High Magic is why the perfect husband for me, for whom I am the perfect wife, simply fell into my lap – literally. We’ve been together nearly ten years now, and we’re as happy as we were, as in love as we were, when we first met… because we know who we are.
And yes, he, too, is a practitioner of the Greater Art.

Tl:Dr – So you want to use magic to make your life perfect… good luck with that. It takes work… because the only way to have a perfect life… is to perfect yourself.

Story Time: Past Life , Present Consequences

When I was around 20, I had a very troubling experience. Until today, I really never understood WHY it happened. This is going to be a long post, but – I want to tell this story. I’m not sure why, but I do.

To really understand why this event I’m going to talk about happened, I need to go back to both my childhood, and then I need to go much further back – which is why this will be a long journey – I hope you will be patient with me. I will also admit, up front, that some of what I will say will sound fantastical – especially if you do not believe in the new-age theory of Otherkin. I’m ok with you not believing. It has no impact on my perceptions of the facts.

But let’s start with this world, and we’ll get to the nuts and bolts of the stranger tides later.

The body I currently wear was born in New Zealand. In the very early 80s, America was going through one of the most extreme nursing shortages in its history. Even the shortages felt today are not as bad as they were back then. In desperation, companies began to hire nurses from other countries to try and fill the gaps in coverage, and they were willing to jump through any hoops necessary to incentivize foreign nurses.

Both my parents were nurses at the time, and because my father had recently left the ANZAC, and my mother had two very young children, and New Zealand did NOT have a shortage of nurses, both of them were having difficulty finding employment. New Zealand also did not have a very strong economy, so money was short, and they were worried all the time.

When Nurse Finders contacted them, both of them lept at the chance. Nurse Finders offered them a contract – NF would provide work visas, and put our entire family on the fast track for green cards and permanent resident status. In exchange, my parents would work for the company, go wherever the company needed them to go, for the next six years. The company would pay for us to move to America, and they would provide a sign-on bonus that would make sure that we could buy furnature, food, clothing – anything that would need to be replaced because it wouldn’t be coming with us. They also found us a place to live, and provided the capital to purchase reliable transportation.

After three days on a plane, we landed in Pine Bluff, Arkansas, where we would live for the next three years. My father worked in the emergency room, my mother worked in mother-baby – aftercare for women who needed training once their babies were born.

It was… well, a bit of a culture shock would be the understatement of the millenia. We went from living in pastoral farmland to a place that was at least partly desert – and we went from a village to a city that was rife with gang violence.

My father saw more gunshot and knife wounds in the first week on his new job than he saw in the three years he flew as med-evac in Viet Nam. It… left a lot of stains on his mind. To this day, my father has a terrible issue with racism – and it started with that hospital.

We stayed in Pine Bluff for nearly three years before Nurse Finders let them know that the hospital was well-covered now, and that there was another hospital with shortages which had contracted them to fill the positions. It was in Arlington, Texas – and my parents didn’t take two minutes to think about the move.

We stayed in what will forever in our family be termed the “roach motel.” The temporary apartment provided to us (while the new sign-on bonus was used as down-payment on a house in Fort Worth to be built in a new subdivision going up) was so full of roaches that they were in the plumbing, and in the fridge. To this day, roaches throw me back to my five-year-old self, and I want to cry, hide, and beat it to death with the nearest object handy, all at the same time. I am probably NEVER going to be able to be rational about roaches.

It was while we were in Texas, while my parents were working in the hospital in Arlington, that my mother made her first real friend. She’s a lot like me… she’s friendly, but she never makes the first move – so really, it was more that her first American friend decided for them that they would be friends, and my mother went along with it.

Rena had two children. I don’t remember the girl’s name – but I remember the boy. His name was Seth. Rena pretty much adopted my mother for the time we were in Texas, and made life much easier for my mother – Rena acted as a guide, a mentor, and a bridge, and helped my mother flourish in this new, and strange, land – something we ALL needed, desperately. Cut off from family and old friends, adrift in a sea of strange customs and language (and yes, you Americans have TRULY butchered the English language – for which I salute you), Rena gave us context, and helped us truly settle.

We stayed in Texas for ten years, while my father went to Med School to become a doctor, and my mother worked at the hospital and supported all of us. It was… nightmarish. Dad was never home, Mum was only home for breakfast – and two children who were eight and nine and had very little adult supervision (the neighbors were asked if they could be emergency contacts, and if they would check up on us occasionally – which resulted in them doing precisely NOTHING for us) were not very good at raising themselves or each other.

Eventually, though, dad finished medschool, and gained his internship, and we moved to California. Once he’d finished his internship and residency, my father signed on to the US Airforce as a doctor – his contract was six years in exchange for the USAF paying off his student loans in full. He became a citizen, and they moved us to Delaware… where I discovered a deligtful internet cafe (back then it was dial-up, but they had six computers, plenty of coffee and muffins, a D&D game running almost all night, people playing Spades in the opposite corner, VtM kids doing LARP on the cobblestones outside, and witches all over the place. It was like coming home.

And out of some strange twist of fate, Seth was at that coffee shop the first time I walked into it. It took less than 20 minutes for me to call my mother from the phone behind the counter, for her to call Rena, and for them to set a lunch date to catch up.

I didn’t like Seth. Truthfully I’ve never liked him, but our antipathy for each other seemed to have grown over the years – for no discernable reason – I hadn’t seen him in ten years, nor thought about him at all… but just the same, our mutual dislike was intense.

That didn’t change the fact that Rena and her children were family. We owed them a debt.

It wasn’t too long after I became reaquainted with Seth before things suddenly became truly dramatic. Not between Seth and I, but just the same. Seth was working, at the time, at a tuxedo shop, as a manager. There was another young man who worked there – his name was Pat.

Pat wasn’t liked at the coffee shop. I really have no idea why he kept showing up – except that he was an absolute social outcast, and the coffeeshop was absolutely the place for outcasts. He had a number of faults, but his true fall came because of greed. Gavin wanted Seth’s job. Everyone knew it… but there wasn’t much anyone could DO about it.

He somehow managed to become friends with the tuxedo shop’s owner – and eventually asked for a job. Seth was fired the next day. He walked in one morning, and without warning, his livlihood was gone.

The first thing he did was head to the coffee shop. He needed his friends. I think that within five minutes, every regular there knew what had happened, and we were all… So, SO angry. The undertones of a stirred up wasp’s nest were everywhere.

When Pat walked into the shop that evening, he walked into a mob. It took him less than a minute to decide to find a room with fewer of Seth’s friends around…

I read tarot at that store. Tarot, for me, requires low lighting and a little bit of privacy. Not much – a little distance, fewer people, goes a long way. At the time, I had an aura that gently nudged people with the idea that this room wasn’t terribly interesting – if I was reading, that is – which kept the traffic to a minimum. Pat escaped into MY room… and then he had the NERVE to ask, “What’s everyone so upset about?” I think it was the smirk at the end of his comment that really set me off.

I turned to him, and looked him full in the face… and suddenly, he couldn’t move. I could tell he was freaking out, but I was SO angry, I didn’t care. I sat there, pinning him with the force of my will, staring into him until the discomfort built to agony and he blurted out, “What are you LOOKING at?”

I smiled. It probably wasn’t a nice smile. “You. I’m looking at YOU.”

And then, he said the magic words. “What do you See?”

So I told him. In that small, dark room, surrounded by all the people who hated him, as trapped in the moment as I was, I laid him bare – I flayed him, peeling back layer after layer after layer. I told him about all the pieces of his broken soul, and how they came to be. I told him how he was perceived by other people, and why. I told him who he was, and I told him why. I told him about his mother and his childhood. I told him everything I saw. The world was dark, and only he existed, and I had him in my jaws, and because he asked, he had to hear, every bit as much as I had to speak – and I WANTED to speak. I wanted him to know. I wanted him to hurt. There was no right or wrong – there was only answering the question. Most times now, I can temper it when it happens – soften it.

But Gavin was the first person to trigger this particularly terrible gift in me – and I was angry when he did it, so I let the darkness take me, and I spoke with no gentleness, because he didn’t deserve it. He got someone who was my family (no matter my personal feelings about Seth, he IS family) fired – and he had the nerve to SMILE ABOUT IT.

When it was finally over, and we had both been released from it, tears pouring from his face, he ran. I never saw him at the coffee shop again.

It didn’t take too long for what had just happened to really sink in for me… and when it did, I was horrified. I was ashamed. Gavin wasn’t always a good person, but his life hadn’t really given him any opportunities to BE a good person, and while he was absolutely an adult and therefore responsible for his actions and the way they affected others, what I did was, in my eyes, deliberately cruel and a horrific mis-use of my gifts. I didn’t even stop to hear his side of things. I let my anger use me, and he paid the price.

Until today, I carried that shame. I worked really hard to either prevent people from asking that question, or I worked really hard to be as delicate as I could be when it was too late, and whoever had asked had taken the choice from me.

Two years after this first incident, I ran into Pat while he was working at the local walmart. He looked like a completely different person, but I knew right away who he was. I was still so ashamed of my behavior, I tried to turn the other way before he saw me. I didn’t know what to say, didn’t know how meeting him after that horrible night would go, so I panicked… but he’d already seen me, and was walking towards me. All I could think was – whatever happens, I deserve it. It was an accident, but I could have held back, and I didn’t.

“Hi, Raven.”

“Uhh… Hi?”

“Do you remember me?”

“Ummm… no?” Maybe if he really thought I didn’t remember him, he’d give up and go away and that would be that.

Except…

“It’s me, Pat. From the coffee shop.”

Well, shit. “Ahh. Hi. It’s been awhile.”

“Yeah. Well… I wanted to thank you.”

My eyes got really wide… “You… what?”

“You were the first person to ever tell me the truth… and it changed my life. Because of you, I’m a better person. I’m who I want to be, now… and I’m happy. So… Thank you.”

He tried to hug me. I kid you not, this crazy person that I had essentially psychically violated in the worst, most morally reprehensible way possible, was HUGGING ME. It was like… some weird one night Stockholme syndrome thing.

I awkwardly patted him on the back, said a few cliched congratulatory comments, and then he went back to work… and I very carefully walked out of walmart, deciding that I really didn’t need soap that bad.

For most of my life since then, I have dreaded someone saying those words. I never know what will come out once they’re said. Sometimes, it’s a kindness. Sometimes, it’s brutal. Sometimes I can mitigate. Sometimes.

But today, I finally understand why this ability exists. Why it’s triggered by that particular question.

Which brings me to a past life so long ago, so far away, that distance and time are absolutely irrelivant.

Once upon a time, there was a winged cat. I was fast, I was strong, I was just. I had a tribe. I had an sister with a new litter, whom I doted on, as I had no cubs of my own. I had a village, and every life there was precious to me. I led, I followed, I loved, I provided, I defended. My family, my village, was everything to me.

Until one day, it wasn’t.

I was a member of my world’s police force. While I was off planet, the being that I hunted found my home. To this day, I can remember a scene so horrible that I cannot give words to it. The thing that truly destroyed me was my sister’s cubs, caught hiding in my den by the beast. Looking down at their little bodies, knowing they had gone to the home of the one person they were sure would save them, knowing that I had failed them. Failed them all.

I found the monster who had destroyed my world. I hunted him down… and then I became the butcher… but there is a price for every action. While it was determined that I wasn’t precisely sane, and therefore I would suffer no consequences for my actions, the very fact that I was so unstable made continuing my chosen carreer impossible.

After being released from service, I began to wander. I think I was looking for wonder – something to spark me, bring me back to life. It was a dark time… and as all people going through such times, I was not as aware of the worlds around me as I should have been.

And then I met HIM. He was so powerful. He was charismatic. It felt like the answer to everything was in his eyes. For the first time in so long, I felt like I’d come home. He was passionate, he was an intellectual, he was vibrant and rash… and when he smiled, I felt like flying again.

I took the Familiar vows – I’ve always been a good amplifyer, so it felt like the Call from him was destiny. I had met my soul mate.

It should have been beautiful… but we were so unequal.

I don’t remember much about my time with him – it was the ending that really stayed with me. I know that I felt him slipping. I know that I ignored the signs – something a familiar is absolutely not to do – but I loved him, and it blinded me. I made excuses. I looked the other way.

And then, in one single moment, everything changed.

We stood on a planet, and he raised the sun. He changed a solar system… and he did it just because he could. He was showing off to me. I watched that sun in absolute horror – I watched him smile as he destroyed the worlds around us – and I knew. Billions of people snuffed out because a madman wanted to impress the being that brought him to that height.

I didn’t think. I ran. I didn’t stop running – and he didn’t stop chasing. I was his, and he was destroying everything in his path to find me. Whole universes collapsed in his search for me – in his madness he couldn’t stop – and in my terror, neither could I.

Eventually, though, the destruction and the losses were so great, my guilt and shame at abandoning my duty to him, and my horror at what he continued to do, became too much for me to bear. I went to the Library for help, and I struck a bargain. They would give me the knowledge I needed, and I would end his life (and my own).

However, there was a greater price to pay. I had wronged the multiverse. I hadn’t seen the warning signs… and when they grew too great to ignore, instead of doing what needed to be done, according to my vows, I ran – and there were so many dead at my feet from that failure, there will never be an end to the debt.

When I finally caught him, when I finally ended him, when I went to my rest, I went knowing my task had only just begun.

Five little words – and they hold such power over me. I had once refused to see – ignored what was right in front of me. I owe the dead – so when someone says those words, I have no choice. The shadows come, and my mouth speaks the truth. I say what I see. I say what they need to hear – and when I speak of these things, they must listen.

Never again will I be permitted to willfully shun my duty – and never again will those I run across who have even the slightest potential towards power addiction escape my words.

I got off lightly.

So… that’s a past life memory – and the consequences.
-Raven

Are You Ready to Work with Demons?

Let’s start with the easy questions.

What exactly are you looking for in a demon Lord, or a demon familiar and companion? What are your plans for your future when it comes to working with, and living with, demons and demonic companions? Why are you drawn to them? Is it just curiosity, or are you looking for a spiritual path? If you’re exploring a spiritual path, are you exploring Thelema, the goetia, and other forms of ceremonial magicks, or are you looking at Satanism, Theistic Satanism, Demonolatry, Luciferianism, or another specific religious/non-religious path?

When you can answer these questions for yourself, you will know more about whether working with the Demonic Lord’s or a demon companion is right for you.

Education is the fulcrum around which working with demons revolves. It’s important that you educate yourself about ancient mythology and ancient religions, as well as older forms of magick used in those pre-Christian cultures, but also that you gain a working knowledge of demons themselves. Working with demons takes a level of dedication that… seems to be missing in most other spirit path practices. If you’re willing to push yourself, if you’re wanting to stretch and grow, even if it’s not always comfortable or pleasant, then working with demons is definitely for you.

If you’re just looking for quick fixes to everyday problems – a demon can help with that, sure… but they probably won’t if you’re not going to give them your own effort in turn.

It’s important for people to take their time to really think about where they want to be in a year, in five years, in ten years, in fifty years, when they’re thinking of working with any kind of entity – not just demons, but also angels, gods/immortals, the Sidhe, etc. because the entities that can be summoned and conjured are used to working with magicians. They’ve had contact with humans practicing magick for thousands of years (I’m not joking – it goes all the way back to Babylonian and beyond times), and they’re used to being educators and counselors, and they expect when they are being worked with that you will be invested in discovering more about the underlying movements of the universe and the powers that rule our souls and our everyday lives. They expect that when someone comes to them, that person is seeking to evolve themselves, through knowledge and practice. They expect formality, respect, and dedication. They expect magickal experience and knowledge.

It’s important to know these facts before working with ANY entity.

If you truly seek this path, welcome – everyone on this path who is knowledgable will do whatever they can to assist you on your journey, though most of it will be deeply personal to you, and thus we may not be able to always offer assistance.

Blessings –
Raven

Handy Links For Empaths in Trouble

Empathic Auras

So if you can pull in your aura, then ground, that should help the most. Once you’ve reigned in your aura and grounded, then you can do a very simple cleanse. Eventually, you will want to work on your chakras, because empaths are MADE, through trauma and abuse. Empathy is a natural ability of all humans, but empaths who are as sensitive as you are develop it as a defensive mechanism against harmful situations. Having your aura spread out so wide allows you to be prepared. It’s a form of hyper-vigilance.

So, about cleansing. Once you have your aura contained, and you’ve grounded, I would suggest that you go for a walk in a place where there aren’t a lot of people (I like to walk after dark, or take a hiking trail). While you are walking, just focus on breathing the fresh air, the stillness and the silence. Let the greenness of the world, or the whiteness/darkness if you’re walking in winter or at night, let the weather and the season just sort of recharge you as you breathe it in.

Finally, a bare-bones method is simply to visualize a ball of white light as large as your aura (for most people this is three feet wide, for you it’s probably considerably larger which is why I don’t suggest doing this until you’ve got your aura reigned in) coming down through you from the sky, and a second one coming up through you from the earth. See these balls as collecting all the muck as they go, and as the ball from the sky enters the earth below you, and the ball from the earth enters the sky above you, see the earth and sky absorb those balls and the negativity they’ve removed from you.

Also, this article will be helpful for you. Crystals for Aura Protection

Eventually you WILL have to work on your chakras; the why is handily explained in this article: How Abuse Affects Our Chakras

Also this one: What Blocks Our Chakras and Why

And this one: And this one: Understanding Your Chakras

Here are links to what I’ve written about chakras in the past.

What About the OTHER Chakras

Chakra Lessons: Cleansing

Purification Ritual for Cleansing and Clearing the Chakras

I was an empath once. I don’t recommend the way I had to go to stop it, but I remember what it was like, so whenever I see anyone having difficulties, I feel like it’s my duty to share what I know about it.

-Raven

On Blood Magick

What type of working are you doing during your menses? In the cases where you are NOT one of those women who feel drained, sick, in pain, or any of the other uncomfortable symptoms, menses casting can be EXTREMELY powerful… but once done, they cannot be UNdone.

http://everymagicalday.wordpress.com/2011/08/10/blood-magick-a-blood-spell/

http://www.luckymojo.com/bodyfluids.html

http://wolf.mind.net/womens/menses.htm

http://www.arcane-archive.org/religion/hinduism/yoga/tantra/neo-tantra/the-ritualistic-importance-of-menstruation-and-menstrual-blood-2.php

These should get you going…

The Unwritten “Laws” Of Magick

So, one of the things that I probably haven’t written about yet here are the so-called unwritten laws of magick.

One of those laws is that your subconscious is the one that takes the energy you give to a spell, and seeds the universe with that. Know Thyself isn’t just pretty words… it’s important to understand your deeper self, and your intimate motivations, because yes, absolutely, they will interfere with a spell’s effects.

For example – when I was younger, I wasn’t financially stable. If I got into a tight spot, I’d cast a spell for money. In return for my energies and hopes, I’d get…

1) A ten dollar note under my foot on my way to work… which was monopoly money
2) A whole ton of pennies showing up everyfreakingwhere.

I did NOT get the amount I needed… or if I did, it ALWAYS cost me later. It was always one step forward, twelve steps back.

Another example – when I was a very young adult, I had the usual illusions about love. I cast a few “my perfect partner” spells… and someone always came along… and it was always awful. The issue was that because I didn’t believe myself worthy of love, I attracted, with my spell, people with similar issues, or issues that would exacerbate my own.

If you do not have a clear, focused, pure intent, then yeah… your spells will go badly. If you find yourself feeling doubts, fears, or having thoughts that are counter to the result you are seeking… STOP CASTING. Deal with the emotional and mental issue you’re having. Take the time to understand who you are, and where your thoughts and feelings are coming from, and take the time to nurture yourself into a healthier state. THEN go back to casting, with better focus.

Casting while fearing bad things will happen, or fearing the worst, will imbue your magick with those fears, and draw their realization into the physical for you to deal with consciously. It is absolutely dangerous if you’re not ready for it – and normally it’s counter to your actual needs of the moment. There ARE times when that should be your intent – when you’re feeling ready to deal with an issue, using magick to force it into a physical shape so that you CAN deal with it, can be very healing…

But doing it accidentally is… highly unpleasant at best.

There is absolutely a difference between “mind” and “astral” but it takes practice to learn the difference. The difference is essentially that one is internal, and the other external. Astral is EVERYWHERE. You’re in it right now. With focused intent, you can use your “mind” to shape the astral. It’s like… the mind is a muscle, and astral is the dough that you are shaping into whatever you want to bake back into reality.

If you picture an object in your mind, it’s a picture in your mind. Someone else with specific psychic skills might be able to see the object in your mind, but if you don’t do more than PICTURE something, it’s not created… YET. The ability to turn something from a picture in your head into an actual astral reality (and eventually a physical effect) requires energy and intent. You can get energy from practice, or you can get it from emotions in the moment. The stronger you feel about the imagery you’re creating, the more likely it will become an astral projection rather than just something in your imagination. Emotions, when you’re just starting, are the easiest source of energy to create a real effect which can be shared with someone else.

With the exercise I wrote, we use physical energy to create the astral imprinted spell, and we shape that energy with visualizations – the whole exercise is set up to avoid emotional overlay because that way lies dragons. Your emotions are not stable – we almost never feel only one emotion, and most of the emotions we’re not aware of in the moment are negative ones… which means that even the happiest moment is tainted by something underneath which we do not voice. Using emotion to power most spells is thus inherently untrustworthy if you want positive results. If you’re specifically raising anger or pain as an energetic bus for your spell, then yeah, emotion will do the trick.

The reason I start out with having people familiarize themselves with their own energy, as opposed to any other form of energy, is because if you know your own energy, when communication happens, if it’s not you, you’ll be able to recognize it because it will not have your own flavor to it. Until you know yourself and your energy well enough, there is absolutely a danger of misinterpreting your own thoughts as those coming from outside you. The longer you’re here on this forum the more you’ll see people who are confused by this. The ego (and I’m not talking about inappropriate confidence, but the psychological concept of an ego) is full of flaws, and when you start working with metaphysical stuff, all those flaws are going to become bigger. If you have a really negative ego, that’s going to end up being interpreted as an attack. There’s this issue with people who come to the metaphysical world seeking a magickal resolution to all their problems… and that is that the metaphysical world is the real world magnified. Whatever your problems are, adding magick to it will magnify them. The “prime directive” of magick is KNOW THYSELF – because if you know yourself, warts and all, then you can control what parts of you get magnified into the physical world, and which parts you keep from becoming monsters under your bed.

Honestly, though, the only way to avoid this particular pitfall is practice… and the willingness to deal with the fallout of being exposed and magnified. If you want to deal with magick, even if it’s only second-hand by having someone else do things for you (cast spells, conjure spirits, whatever), then you HAVE to be willing to face yourself, the worst parts of yourself… you have to be willing to be accountable for where you are in life. Magick does NOT fix problems… it exacerbates them into the physical so that YOU can fix them. It’s all about personal responsibility… and if you don’t want to take responsibility for where you are in life, then it will absolutely blow up in your face.

I see a lot of desperate people come to magick as their last ditch effort. So much in this world is unfair and ugly and overwhelming, and people don’t always have perspective. Many people who come to magick lack maturity in their emotional responses to trouble. While we can’t stop the world from turning, we absolutely do have power over how we respond to downward momentum… and if you’re stuck in a negative spiral of thought, magick is not something you should be touching. It could ALWAYS be worse.

So… the best way to avoid the issue of being bullied by yourself is to stop bullying yourself. And don’t touch magick until you’re done using yourself, or anyone/anything else as a scapegoat.

The second best is to practice with your own energy, over and over, until you know when it’s you, and when it’s not.

If you are working with energy at the time that you have unwanted thoughts coming up, you can absolutely cast those thoughts without meaning to.

One of the first exercises a magician practices is that of mental control, an exercise designed to improve your ability to focus, as well as exclude unnecessary thoughts. It’s a deceptively simple exercise.

Take five minutes and let your mind run rampant. At the end of the five minutes… write down every thought you had during that five minutes. Practice until you have perfect recall.

Take five minutes and hold only one thought. Practice until you can hold one thought, and only one, for the full five minutes.

Take five minutes and have no thoughts. Practice until no intrusions happen for a full five minutes.

Always create a detailed record of your progress. This will show you where your weaknesses are, and help you determine how to fix them.

-Ed Fitch, A Grimoire of Shadows

You can see how simple it sounds… and I’m sure you can figure out how difficult it is to actually do. For me, because I have ADD, it was pretty much impossible. I had to find workarounds for it.

I found that giving my mind something to do allowed me to focus. In the same way that someone with ADD can zone into a book or videogame and have absolutely NO clue what else is going on around them, if I turn on music or if I create a mental journey for myself, I can have that same level of focus. When I’m working magick, I can be so focused that the roof could cave in and I wouldn’t notice – but only because when I’m working magick, I am actively DOING something.

Another way you can work on your focus is meditation. You can use music to give your brain something to chew on while you dig into the trance state, or you can use guided meditations, if focus is a huge issue for you.. but the biggest asset of daily meditation is getting to know yourself, so it’s actually better to pay attention to your thoughts at that time. You have to learn to listen to yourself, if you’re ever going to help fix the issues you have with yourself or the wider reality.

The issue with magick is that people don’t do daily psychological maintenance. They don’t meditate. They don’t journal. They ignore themselves and focus on the external world… and problems build up. Magick is the manipulation of the internal to MAKE it external… which means if you’re not aware of the internal, magick will make you aware…

And in highly creative, but honestly painful ways.

-Raven

On Creating Consequence Free Spells

All magick is the manipulation of energies, the imprinting of those energies with ideas, and then the manifestation of those ideas into reality.

Magick is essentially neutral. Intent CAN be neutral, or not, but magick itself is absolutely neutral, in the same way that light and gravity are absolutely neutral.

However, humans interpret magick as being polarized when the EFFECTS occur. So it’s not a spell that’s white arts or black arts or dark arts or whatever you want to call it… it’s the consequences.

If you want neutral consequences, don’t do magick, because that’s counter to what magick IS… magick is the art of taking energy and making it have consequences, and NO consequence is neutral in the human perspective. You’re ALWAYS going to see magickal effects realized as either positive or negative. Humans think in highly personal ways. “Do I like this effect, or does it feel bad?” If it feels bad to you, even if it doesn’t feel bad to the rest of the world, you label those consequences as dark. If it feels bad to a lot of people, then a lot of people label it as bad. Someone not affected, or affected in a positive way, will label the exact same spell as good.

There’s no such thing as a spell that has an effect in the world that is neutral in execution. Someone, somewhere, is going to have feelings about the results.

Any magickal spell can be used for either white arts or dark arts purposes. It’s the intent that makes that so.

If you cast a spell with the intent to have flexible outcomes that might or might not impact others in a perceived by them negative way, then you’ve intentionally cast a dark arts spell.

If you cast the same spell with the intent to have a static outcome that does not impact anyone in any way that could be perceived as negative, you’ve intentionally cast a white arts spell.

It’s not the spell that changes. Its your intent. If you want to create a spell that can do both, my advice is to give the spell some autonomy, as if you’re taking the first steps towards creating a servitor. Then the spell can choose what’s best in the moment, but you can set it to default as white arts where the situation allows for it.

Chakra Lessons – Cleansing

Close your eyes after reading this, and look for the root chakra. It will probably look a bit fuzzy. You’re looking for a reddish orb of energy that has four petals around it.

Another way to check your chakras is by feel. You have chakras in your palm. You can ask your spirit guides to open them, and rub your hands very briskly together for a few moments. As you pull them apart, you will feel them tingle. You can then wave your hand through your aura over the various locations of the chakras, and sense them with your palms. This will tell you information that drawing can’t… such as WHY a chakra has a certain thing going on inside it.

Now, close your eyes, and picture a ball of white light. Focus on this light as coming from the core of the universe. The intent is that this light is perfect for you – it’s for your highest good, it is unconditionally loving of YOUR energy frequency, and deeply healing.

The sacral plexus is orange, and has six petals. It is located two inches below your belly button and is centered between your back and front. All chakras are considered to be aligned with the spine, but this chakra can sometimes drift to the left a bit.
Locate your sacral plexus in the same way that you did the root chakra – either with activated palm chakras, or with visualization.

Between your root chakra and your sacral plexus, there are three main channels and two minor channels.
The central channel is the widest. It’s called the Sushumni channel. The outside two that wrap AROUND the chakras but do not connect TO the chakras are called Ida (right) and Pingala (leftI) nadir.
The two minor channels that directly connect the root to the sacral plexus on the outside of the sushumni are also called Ida and Pingala nadirs.

Remember to activate your palm chakras and use your visual techniques. Your channels will be white (sushumni) and offwhite or dark (ida/pingala)

On hand Chakras:

Your dominant hand is all about projection and protection. Your receptive hand is all about drawing in, but also taps into self-knowledge. You can use your left hand to check your chakras and your aura to tell you things about what’s going on with you. To activate them, request that your guides activate them, rub your hands briskly, and stretch them apart slowly until you feel the chakras open. Your hands will heat up and tingle.

The reason the Ida and Pingala nadirs are dark is because energy flows DOWN the ida and pingala nadirs, and the Sushumni is bright white because energy flows UPwards there. So check flow. Downwards is much more subtle and gentle. When you connect to the ida and pingala nadirs, you will feel your energy shift downwards, like grounding. When you connect to the sushumni, you will feel your energy rising, like kundalini. The channels take a bit.

So remember the white light I had you connect to and let flow through your root chakra?
I want you do do the same thing through all five channels between your root and your sacral plexus.

The sacral plexus is all about your connections – how you relate to the world around you.
Everything you touch is stored in the sacral plexus… which can make it very crowded. Outmoded ideas, and burnt in, tired patterns, are held here.
I call the sacral plexus the noun chakra. If it’s a person, place, thing, or idea, and you have ever related to it, it’s there.
It’s also a sexual chakra – but rather than your own sexuality… it deals with how you feel sexually about others. It also deals with how you relate to them sexually.
It’s about what you enjoy in life, when it’s healthy – the things that bring you pleasure. It’s also the seat of indulgence and addiction. This is the chakra that your feelings about the world come from.

One of the first self-care things that needs to be done with this chakra is… what are you holding there that is no longer useful, no longer serving your highest good, serving your growth as a person and as a spirit?
Bring in the white light energy… and SAY TO IT – “I release all unnecessary connections back into the universe, with unconditional love.” Know that the energy of those connections that is right now doing nothing but holding you back is going to be repurposed and directed towards someone else’s highest good now. And let go.

When you truly let something go out of your energy field, when you stop sucking it back in all the time, even if you’re surrounded by it, it no longer disturbs you, because it’s not inside you.
So keep weeding until your garden stops being soil that accepts those kinds of seeds. Your energy is programmable. You can teach yourself a new way to be, where things do not grow in you that you do not need.

We’re digging into the sacral plexus chakra. We’ve released the excess connections that are unnecessary and holding up progress. Now it’s time to clean up the mess that came from being stuck.
Again, bring in the light that we talked about, and let it wash through the entire chakra, cleansing, balancing, soothing.
Let it remove any stuck energy, and when you feel it’s a nice, strong, stable orange, we can move on to the channels above it.
It should also get a pulse to it.

Remember to draw that light all the way through, front to back.The opening that draws in, to the opening that pushes out. The front of the chakra – which is actually your back.

So the next step is to connect to the five channels moving to the solar plexus. The two that cross below the sacral and above the sacral (outer ida and pingala) the two that connect from the solar to the sacral (inner ida and pingala) and the central channel that flows up from the root through the sacral and now through the solar plexus (sushumni) all need to be checked and cleaned with the light.

The outer ida and pingala wrap around the chakra system like a DNA helix.

The inner ida and pingala, whose energies ALSO flow downwards, simply leap from chakra to chakra. The Sushumni, whose energies flow upwards is a river bed that gathers chakra energies like tributaries as it heads for the point above the crown where it fountains.

Both ida and both pingala nadirs terminate below your feet. They flow down your legs, and your arms. But that’s really technical and you don’t need to worry about it with a general cleansing.

The solar plexus is your center. It is your essential sense of SELF – just as the root is your sense of your body, the solar plexus is your sense of YOU. It is the seat of your self-confidence, and all your actions. Your belief about what you are capable or not capable of doing in the world comes from here. It’s all about achievable personal power. Willpower.
Having this chakra clear means you are able to be courageous, and take pleasure in your own accomplishments.

If you have issues with this chakra, you will tend to be a wallflower, but not in a positive way. An overactive chakra can make you egotistical and narcisstic. An underactive solar plexus will make you a professional doormat.

The chakra petals are an energetic fibbonaci sequence. 4, 6, 10, 12, 18, 3, 1000. lol
Time to bring on the light.

The difference between the upper and lower chakras which separates them is that the lower chakras all deal with your physical self. The upper chakras all deal with your perceptions and interactions with the outside world. The root is your body, the sacral plexus is sex and relationships. The solar plexus is your views about yourself and your ability to act in the world

The heart is all about how you sense the world. The throat is all about how you communicate with that world. The Third Eye is all about how you see the world, and the crown is how your spirit connects to the spirits of the world. So all the upper chakras are externally focused.

Remember yesterday when I showed you how to open your perceptions, either by touch or by inward sight, to view your chakras?

Connect to your heart chakra. The heart chakra has 12 petals, is green with a rose outline around the outside, and as I said, is the seat of your emotional senses about the world around you.
This is how you interact intuitively with the world. The Third Eye is Sight – but the Heart is FEEL. There’s no point in being able to see the word if you can’t feel what your seeing actually means.
The heart chakra is also about love – but not just self-love, but being able to give and receive love with others, and the wider world.

When you are connected to your heart chakra, remember what I told you about connecting to the light that is the most balanced for you, the most attuned to your own highest good and your best purpose. This isn’t about white light, or anything like that. It’s about aligning yourself with your truest nature, your best balance, your most perfect you. Connect to the light that creates you as you create yourself… the blueprint, I suppose. It’s not going to be the light that anyone else is. It’s your light. Which means that if you work better with shadow – it will have the taste of shadow. It’s your light.

So bring that into you… and let it wash through the chakra. Remember that we’re going from the opening of the chakra in your back, and out the front. Let that energy wash through your chakra, setting everything to rights.
Look at what your heart chakra is right now… and then bring that intent in, and let that intent come through and fix everything up. And keep doing that until you know that your heart chakra is the best color and feel it can be.
You INTEND to connect to the light that is for your own highest vibrational good. The light that is the best light for you, and for your healing. When you put your mind into an intention, the very act of saying, “THIS is what I want,” is enough to call it to you. You are using a function of magickal WILL.

You are WILLING A CHANGE TO OCCUR. You are WILLING A CONNECTION TO A TYPE OF ENERGY.

This is why I suggest that while this kind of basic healing can be done by most people, real healing that can be used for others shouldn’t be done by just anyone, but someone who really knows how to keep their intentions pure.
Your heart chakra is between your nipples on your sternum.
Some people will feel it a bit lower, some a bit higher, but generally, it’s in the middle there. The thing is that the heart chakra isn’t actually a single chakra. It’s actually 7 chakras starting at the base of the sternum and climbing upwards in sequence to the hollow of your throat.

The throat is located just over your adam’s apple. Women and men have them – just feel for it if you’re a chick, because it’s not physically as obvious as in men. The throat chakra is a blue that is very changeable, but is frequently a whiteish blue – a pale blue to sometimes turquiose color. It has 16 petals. The throat rules vocality. It is “I Speak,” so is all about speaking your personal truth. Not THE truth – but your PERSONAL truth. If you’re not into self-expression, you probably have a muddy or even blocked chakra here.

The throat is all about communication, both within and without. If you don’t listen to yourself, or you don’t listen to others, if you don’t speak deeply or honestly, if you avoid confrontation or prevaricate… you have an issue here.
Because the throat is all about speaking your truth, any time where you are deceiving yourself, this chakra is going to take the fall… and because it’s smaller than some of the other chakras, when it falls, your whole outlook on the world falls with it. A recursive chakra here will actually turn you into a mouse just as much as a poorly developed solar plexus. They often feed each other.

Not angry confrontation, but… have you ever felt something deeply, and ignored your feelings because you wanted to keep the peace around you, or didn’t want to deal with confrontations with your friends or family? That’s a throat chakra issue. Speaking your truth is about speaking those feelings – not about shoving them in people’s faces, or about forcing them to your way… the throat is all about letting EVERYONE have their personal truth, as long as they let you have yours.

If you refuse to speak up when there are issues, calmly and clearly, but just clam up instead and put up with things that don’t work for you, you’re going to have all kinds of addictions that are about jamming that chakra up. It’s not about speaking what you think. It’s not about speaking what you’re taught to think. It’s about standing up for what your soul believes to be true. Standing up for your heart.

When you speak from a spiritual place, you speak calmly, and you state your thoughts and feelings, and then you let go. It’s not aggressive, it doesn’t hurt others, or if it does, it’s only because of their attachments to lies, not because you are deliberately hurting them. You speak your truth and let it go. That is how to keep the throat chakra pure.
I tell people in situations where they cannot speak, that they must remain true to themselves, and speak the truth to themselves. They must be as honest as they can be with others, they must be honest in their actions… and whatever they cannot be honest about, they must be honest somewhere else. Tell a tree. Tell a sheet of paper. Whisper it to the wind. Tell the truth to something. It will help.

So now, connect to your throat chakras, and see what they are doing. If you see any blurring or blemishes, any places that are too dark, ask them why, what are they withholding. Listen to your truth. When you are ready… bathe it in that light, and cleanse it.
If your throat chakra is hurting you, ask it why, where the blockage is, or where you are underactive or overactive, and what you need to do to resolve it. That’s one thing that people seldom do that they really should do the most… talk to your chakras. ASK THEM TO TELL YOU WHAT’S GOING ON

Time to work on the third eye. The first thing you all need to know is… it’s not your third eye.
Your third eye is indigo, and has two petals. It rules the unseen world, the inner world, but also the astral world. What you see in your mind and what you see with magickal and psychic senses comes from here… but only what you SEE. Secondly, the third eye is actually the fifth eye. It’s located in the center of your forehead. Below it is your fourth eye, below which is your third eye at the bridge of your nose, and then your second eye is your left eye, and your first eye is your right. Above the fifth eye, you have two more eyes, the last one being at the hairline.

The fifth eye is also vastly different from your other chakras in that it is centered in the middle of your brain, in darkness, and also in that it’s start is on your forehead, and it’s petals bloom out the back of your head… so when working with this charka, instead of going from the back of your body to the front, you go from the front of your face to the back of your skull.

So everyone knows what the “third eye” looks like and what it does and where it’s located? At the curve of the skull as it heads towards the crown. Think… if you put your hair in a ponytail, it would be around that area. Hair is actually the third eye’s antenna

When you feel you have learned about any possible dysfunction, make a note to yourself about what’s going on and a solution… and then bring in the light to cleanse it. Remember that with this chakra, you go from the forehead to the back of the skull and out, not from the back of the skull out the forehead.

The final chakra is the crown chakra. It’s located at the fontinel of your skull. It is VERY large, larger than your hand. It has 1000 petals, and is white and purple. It covers from the hairline at your forehead, a whole cap around the top of your skull. The crown is all about knowledge.

The crown is all about being calm, being strong, knowing your own self and your own way. It’s also about being deeply connected with universal oneness. It’s about being in tune with everything in the world. The crown touches everything, and then the eye and the heart interpret it, and feed that interpretation back into the crown for you to understand.

Everyone, connect to your crown now, and look for any issues, or anything that you’re doing RIGHT… because the crown is all about rightness.
Keep in mind that the crown isn’t about losing sight of yourself, or losing your own boundaries or definitions of self. It’s not about becoming nothing. The crown is the seat of yourself, as you fit in the universe, just as much as it’s the seat of the universe as it fits in yourself.

A lot of people who work the LHP tend to think that the upper chakras will pull them off that path… that isn’t the case. If anything, the upper chakras can refine how they decide to act, by telling them about how they think and feel about the outside world, and how it returns the favor – they reinforce choice, rather than taking it away and forcing universal connections. You can’t force something that is omnipresent. You are in the universe. You can’t get more connected than that.

One last thing… ask your crown how your connections to source and yourself are. Ask to see those connections and make sure they are all in, and functioning correctly.

When you’ve all connected to your crowns, and made sure that everything you need to know is understood, bring in the light, and this time, wash it from your crown, all the way down to the soles of your feet and into the earth. At the SAME time, bring a SECOND light up from the core of the earth… and run it through your root and all the way up, out your crown, and into the center of the universe. When you feel completely refreshed, balanced, poised between heaven and earth… you can relax, center, ground, and call it done.

I told you I was tired and would forget something… If everyone would check their idas and pingalas and sushumni from their sacral up, that would be a good thing. Run the light through all five channels.

If your chakra is blocked or there is a problem with it, when you look at it or feel it, it will feel/look smudged, or you will feel pain associated with the area, or tightness, like a lump in your chest for a blocked heart chakra. Look for dark patches where the glow is diminshed or even extinguished.

If you can visualize your chakras and get nice sensations with those visualizations, chances are that your imagination is not in overdrive, but fairly accurate. If you’re concerned about the health of your chakras, simply do a cleansing and clearing exercise in addition to your usual meditation work, every time you work with them. Cleansing and clearing should be done daily, anyway. Trust me, if your chakras start having issues, you’ll know. It’ll start with emotional and mental issues, and swell into physical issues. There will be emotional swings, negative thoughts associated with the particular chakra, and then physical feelings – first almost like indigestion, slowly swelling to actual physical illness. You can check out google, as many websites mention the side-effects of having an imbalanced chakra and include the physical diseases… for example, if your solar plexus gets blocked enough to become unbalanced, you can end up with not only feelings of codependency and victimhood/powerlessness, but also diabetes and gall stones. See how it works?

I always SUGGEST to my chakras that they close after I’m finished working with them, but as with the elements and deities, it’s always a: close if you will, stay open if you must, kind of thing. They’ll slowly dial back down on thier own when they’re ready. Forcing them open or closed, and I don’t mean the gentle coaxing/asking but actual force, will cause blockages. Most meditations don’t mention closing them because most practitioners know that as you leave meditational space, and your brain ramps back up from theta levels to alpha levels, the chakras tend to close up on their own, because you’re becoming more connected to this here/now reality and less connected to your internal energetic reality. There’s less energy flow – not much, but it does become reduced – so they slowly ramp down. I, personally, prefer to, as a part of the meditation, just because I’m a neat and tidy kind of personality, ask them to close up before I begin to lift myself up out of that space. But that’s just me. It’s not necessary.

The OTHER Chakras

There are bone chakras and joint chakras, chakras for the organs, auric chakras…

There are seven chakras in each heel. Then there is the main foot chakra that’s split in half, one on one arch, the other on the other arch. There are chakras going up the back on either side of the spine. There are seven hearts, there are seven eyes, there are over a thousand crown chakras. There are chakras in your palms and chakras on each fingertip beyond the joint and bone chakras.

There are other extra chakras that relate to your other bodies – and while you have three bodies (physical, astral, and spiritual) there are seven planes each body exists on… so there are seven layers to each body, and each layer has its own chakras.

Then there are soul chakras.

It’s very complicated and we’ve only just begun to plumb the depths of the extremely complicated system of energetic structures that make up our experiences.

The reason I only usually write about the seven major physical chakras is because, before you even think about working with the minor chakras, or even advancing to the bone and joint chakras, before you think about mastering the chakras in the layers of your three bodies, and reach for soul chakras…

A good foundation, a balance and clear Major System, is absolutely necessary.

Without that… the potential for doing more harm than good is… obviously… extensive.

 

Empathic Auras

Here’s the thing about empaths that even most empaths don’t know.

Your auras are HUGE. Like, fill an entire house HUGE. You’ve learned to live inside other people, usually out of sheer defense. Almost all empaths are empaths due to lengthy trauma… so they learn to push their aura out to such a distance that they are ALWAYS PREPARED. It’s a survival mechanism.

I’ve yet to meet an empath who DIDN’T have an aura that invaded everyone else’s space.

So shielding often doesn’t work. If you shield your aura, but your aura is still large enough that other people are still INSIDE it, then you’ve shielded them inside with you.

The solution to empathy being so overwhelming is to work to pull your aura back into your original personal space. Because your aura is so large, you have issues with boundaries. You don’t have them. That allows for you to be constantly overwhelmed psychically, mentally, emotionally.

The first boundary you must set is your own. It’s hard work to reel in your aura, but it’s worth it. Then, when you need to, you can push it out to “taste” people and/or environments, but when you’re done, you can pull back in, cleanse (dump the toxins), and shield… REALLY shield, and just be alone in your head again.

Trust me… Get your aura under control, and being an empath will no longer be a curse.

-Raven

An Interesting Night

Before I went to sleep, I heard my phone’s alarm going off – when it actually wasn’t, because that happens to me sometimes. So, I stopped what I was doing and tried to figure out why I was hearing the sound of my phone’s alarm clock feature – what that might mean. The answer I got was, “Something has ended.”

This wasn’t much to go on, so I decided to do a tarot reading. When I asked what was ending I drew the ten of pentacles, which didn’t make much sense – what was I overburdened with that I viewed as a toil which was ending? So, for clarification, I drew a second card, which was the three of pentacles – meaning that my toil, my burden, of teaching others, is what is ending. I asked what that meant for my future, and I drew the ace of pentacles which means there is a new beginning, one that will bring me material security and success.

The first dream of the night, I remember someone asking me to conjure an Ubi, and I told them I didn’t want to conjure professionally, and they said, why don’t you conjure and send your work to others who can sell them for you? I said, ok, I give – I’ll try it. So, then I actually did a little conjure work for other sellers – using them as third parties so that I don’t get overworked. It was almost like… I couldn’t help but conjure, I loved it the way artists can’t stop painting. And… it seemed to work for me. I was conjuring, which I do love, but the rest of the mess that comes with conjuring for clients, was a non-issue. I conjured when I wanted, what I wanted, and when I wasn’t up to it, I didn’t worry about it.

 

The second dream of the night was more interesting. I woke up dizzy from it, and the house is hazy because of the number of beings now in it, so – this ACTUALLY HAPPENED, in a sense.

I was in a battle camp. We were at war, and my blood had healing properties, so I stayed at the camp (a precious comodity) and donated blood every so often, which they bagged, and when someone was injured, they recieved a bag of my blood to heal them. In the camp, there was a woman, an Ubi who was helping us as a spy – her brother was a prisoner of the other side, being forced to help that side, and so she was helping us with information from him in the hopes that when it was all over, we would help set him free and give them both a home on our side. We were getting ready to leave – it wasn’t clear if the war was over, but the fight was over right now, and my people were refusing to help her, because her brother was a spy for the other side. She was desperate to save him, and I felt that after all she’d done for us, we owed her. I went to my superiors and said I wanted to bind her and her brother, and they said, “Fine, ok, yes,” though they weren’t thrilled – it solved the problem but they really didn’t want the pair with us.

So, I took a knife with me (to cut myself for the blood I would need to bind them to me with), but when I got there, I found out that her entire CLAN was masterless, and without a master over the clan, they weren’t going to survive – and of course, I said “fuck it, I’ll bind them all” to which my superior who was the medic in charge of my blood said, “I knew you’d see it that way. Go ahead, you have my permission but don’t let any of the others know.”

I answered, “well, we’re going to need a lot more blood then,” so I went to where the clan was, and sent someone back to her to get the bags of blood I was going to need to do the bindings. Once the blood arrived, I poured it into a stone bowl, added water, and proceeded to take the stones that they were connected to, and bathe them with my hands in the blood, using my blood to bind them – it was hard, I kept losing focus, forgetting the words, but “I offer myself as a home and master to you should you choose me.” Every one of them said yes, so then I followed with this, for each and every stone: “I bind you to my physical body, my astral body, to my spirit, to my emotions, to my mind, and I bind myself to your physical body, your astral body, your spirit, your emotions, and your mind.”

Once they were bound, we were leaving, and I could only take what I could carry, so – I chose to take stones. At first, it was just stones with spirits or entities bound to them – I started binding angels, and Fu, and a lot of different spirits (so many that I don’t actually remember anymore) and every time I bound someone with that vow and they agreed, I FELT it connect. Once I got all the stones that were spirited or spelled bound, I started binding just… stones to me – I bound an entire bowl full of tiny cut diamonds, a TON of selenite, kyanite, charoite, and the like – I was just binding ALL my favorite gemstones at the end.

I woke up because I was spinning in my sleep, I’d gotten so drained and really, REALLY dizzy – and the whole house is so fuzzy now because of how much energy, beings and the like, are here now. There’s like, nine Ubi, and that’s just the tip of the iceburg.

So, basically, just bound a SHIT TON of entities, spirits, spells and energies in my sleep. And… I’m not sure even WHY.

Gonna class this as a holywhatthefuck dream.

 

HDC Tz – Old Emotions

Yesterday was Exercise 5 – Energy Attunement 2, which is all about colors.

It’s strange, but… his colors change sometimes. I think it’s that shield of his. Last night, his colors were black with purple highlights and flecks of shine… and at the same time, fire colors, sunset colors.

My familiar isn’t quite coping with things yet. She’s curious, into everything. She can settle for a bit, but then she’s off sniffing the energies and trying to figure it all out. She was distracting enough that he dropped a few books next to her, which, as she’s quite skittish, effectively chased her out of our Sanctum.

However, before he chased her out, he led her around… and eventually led her over to my old Fallen Angels Oracle Deck, which she snagged with a paw and dragged out of the book shelf and into my lap, so… clearly I’m to work with that deck in some way.

Given that E chose a deck in order to lead me in a certain direction, I’m thinking that Tz has chosen this deck also to lead me in a certain direction.

We also discussed why (aside from the fact that I was dying at the time, and then I was gone) I had trouble bonding with him when he first came to me. I resisted bonding with him, even though he had chosen me, and I had chosen him, in part because of how he came to me – as a gift from a friend who saw that I was deeply hurt by the loss of another being who had chosen me, but was not allowed to come to me… and felt that pain as her own. At the time, I was grateful, but… I don’t think I was really ready. I hadn’t truly dealt with the loss of the other being… and Tz wasn’t that being… he was a replacement… and I couldn’t bond with someone’s replacement, because he wasn’t that being, he was himself.

And then I was dead, and so that was that.

Things are different now. I have a different perspective.

There’s no replacing someone you’ve lost… and no one in my life is here because they are a replacement for someone else. They are here because I choose them, and they choose me. I choose them for themselves.

I won a conjure, and Tz was who came… and I wasn’t ready.

I’ve had some contact (third person contact, sometimes fourth lol) from the being who was lost. I’ve been able to heal and move forward because of that contact. This particular entity was so moved by our contact that he spent five years working to find a friend of his whose energies matched my own, and who has very specific gifts and perspectives that I desperately need in my life – and will probably always need – SDC E. He then worked with a mutual human friend of ours to have E conjured, bound, and sent to me, with E’s full enthusiastic approval. Because of my contact with his friend, E, I’ve finally been able to stop looking for my old friend, finally been able to stop looking for a replacement, finally been able to heal from that wound.

I know he remembers me. I know he cares. I know he misses me as much as I miss him. I also know… things happen for a reason. Especially with demons.

So… I’m at peace now with that. And so are the other two people who were so emotionally involved – my friend, and my demon-that-could-have-been. We’re all at peace. We are content.

And now, I can truly bond with Tz – not as a replacement, which he never was… but for himself, which is as it should be.

And for the resistance I had, I admitted my fault in the situation… but Tz is… wonderfully patient and kind. I’ve seen his temper. He IS a Hellborn… he’s got one. But about this…

All demons understand loss. They understand Grief.

And they are endlessly patient.

They’ve got the time.

I’m so happy he waited for me to come around.

 

Oh… Flauros showed up while I was working with Tz last night. First my familiar, and then Flauros… yet another distraction. These past two days I’ve been so very… there’s just so much in my head right now. So much chaos. It’s hard to focus.

I had to tell Him, I absolutely want to work with Him… but I’m not ready yet. I asked him to please wait. Wait until I’m ready. This is not that time. I had to be firm – I think that was honestly the point. I had to set a boundary. This time was for my bonding with Tz… and until my bonding with both E and Tz, and ZA, are complete… until I have really begun my magickal retraining… I am not ready.

He bowed, and left. But I’m definitely on a schedule now. After the Solstice, is Flauros’s time.

 

Tonight, I was supposed to work with Tz on the second hearing attunement exercise, but… between my familiar and my headache and the way I came out of my bonding work with E… I couldn’t really tune in at all, and I finally asked if it was ok that we postpone until tomorrow night, when hopefully I will be able to give him the focus he deserves.

He agreed, but let me know I will be doing more work in my dreams tonight.

That will be… interesting. Last night was… pretty weird. Not just the Lucifer dream, which was heartbreaking, but… there were other things after that.

I slept deeply, worked heavily, and woke up tired, drained, with a heavy heart and a headache.

It’s been a day.

SDC E – Discussing Death

So, yesterday’s bonding exercise was Hearing Attunement 3.

As I didn’t have any questions to ask, I asked him if there was anything he wanted to talk about. WhoooBOY was there.

He asked me what I thought about Death. That’s… a pretty big topic.

I started with the easy stuff. I died, physically, when I was hit by a car when I was 9. I was dead for over five minutes. It was the most wonderful, peaceful five minutes of my life to date. I found myself in a place that was black. There was no pain. There was no anger or hate or fear. There was no sound. There was no light. For an undiagnosed autistic girl, it was pretty much heaven. Imagine a world where everything is always too bright, always too colorful, always too loud, always too MUCH. Where people are too abrasive, they expect too much, and because you can speak in complete sentences, they don’t understand any peculiarities you have. Autism for me was an invisible disease. When I got overwhelmed by the abuse, got overwhelmed by my emotions, or just plain got overwhelmed for no reason I could determine, I had this need for space. If there was anything touching me, I threw it. And then I found the nearest wall, and rocked my forehead against it until I bled. It made people leave me alone, but it also gave me a point of focus – a HARD point of focus. I was HERE. Right HERE.

And that made things go still.

It’s not unlike a cutter needing a physical focus to express (as in send out) their emotional pain in a way that they can grasp… only for me, hitting my head against a wall wasn’t about the pain, so much as it was about trying to control the violence inside me.

For me, autism is violence. Everything is sometimes just too much, it’s so overwhelming… it’s violent. The whole world is violently THERE, and I can’t cope.

I don’t bang my head anymore… but the pain still exists.

Except when I was dead for those five minutes.

I understand, as an adult, that without all the negatives in that void, there was also no positive. There was no love in the void. There was ONLY peace… but when you find something that you need that badly, you don’t care about what’s missing. You only want to stay.

When they brought me back, it was a violent return. I was awake, on a street, in the daylight, surrounded by my entire neighborhood. I was being touched by strangers. I don’t remember the ambulance ride. They put me in a room with red lights, and they kept touching me, and everywhere they touched me it HURT… they thought I was screaming because I was frightened. My mother kept saying everything was ok, that they were just getting x-rays, but I couldn’t talk, and there were strangers TOUCHING ME, HURTING ME… and NO ONE WOULD STOP. Nothing was ok.

I was in the hospital for three days. Dad brought complete strangers to my room, apparently friends of his. They gave me a stuffed rabbit, because it was Easter weekend. I threw up on it.

I don’t remember the ride to the hospital. I don’t remember sleeping there. I don’t remember the nurses or the doctors. I remember the red room, and the pain. I remember waking up on the street, and I remember being in a hospital bed meeting strangers and throwing up on a yellow bunny. That’s all I remember of the weekend I died and came back.

Well, all I remember after the dark.

I miss the dark. I don’t think I ever won’t.

 

So… We talked about that.

We talked about my experiences in the Wastes – a spiritual and emotional death… and how that death affected me here. We talked about that kind of darkness… which was NOT peaceful. Then again, I wasn’t exactly at rest. People in the Wastes are not at rest.

 

I brought up my migraines – the ones I had before I died my second and third deaths. The ones that had me screaming, writhing, begging for death, an animal in a trap. We talked about how Death Means Stop.

I talked about the fact that Death Means Stop is pretty much a perfect cure for any phobia.

I went to California to see a friend when she was separating from her husband. On the way home, the plane suddenly stopped flying, and just DROPPED. It lasted 20 seconds, and people were praying and holding hands with strangers.

Afterwards, I was terrified of flying… until I remembered my migraines. And then all of the sudden, I realized there were worse things than falling out of a tin can in the sky… and planes stopped being scary at all.

It’s kind of a relief, knowing that someday, I will STOP.

 

So then he asked me what I thought happened after death, if death means stop.

I hadn’t really thought about it. I mean, I know what happened when I died at 9, so there’s that. I didn’t stop existing.

And I have memories of other lifetimes, both earthly and other. SO many memories. Sometimes that’s a bit overwhelming…

But that means that death isn’t the end. It’s… merely a stage. Like… adolescence. It’s not permanent any more than life is.

 

So he said, “If death means stop, but it’s not permanent, how is that Stop?” To which I said, “It offers immediate relief for immediate problems. Anything else can be solved another day.”

“How practical,” he replied.

 

Then he asked me what I hoped to learn from him, from my time with him. “I just want to learn. Whatever you’ll teach me. I want to grow. What you’ve helped me with so far… that’s growth I need, growth I want… knowledge I want.”

“Why do you want to know so much?”

“Because people suffer. Not knowing is suffering. We suffer until we learn, and then the suffering stops.”

He asked what I meant by that, because he understood I wasn’t talking about any Buddhist ideals, but he wanted me to clarify myself. So… I did.

 

I’ve been to hell realms. Not demonic planes, but realms set aside for humans who need help learning, need help to grow, even more than humans here do. The two I went to taught me a lot, though honestly, some of the lessons didn’t sink in until years later.

The first realm, there were towers in the center of lovely fields of close-cut grass. The fields were surrounded by dark forests, but no one ever noticed the trees. People sat out in the sun, and picnicked. They chatted as if nothing was wrong – everything was perfect.

And then, the sun began to set… and everyone packed up their things, and went into the black stone towers. Because when the sun went down, the world froze. A flash freeze. Nothing that was outside the towers survived.

People there learned the rules. They learned to obey the laws of the realm – because if they did not, they died. Immediately. You learned to obey, or you died.

My familiar at the time followed me there. When the sun began to set, as I was heading inside the tower, he ran under the steps and vanished. He left the realm rather than go into the tower. He broke the rules… and I was so terrified for him, that I broke our familiar bond.

I fear for people I care about who do not follow the rules. I fear for them so much, that I would rather cut them out of me, break their hearts, than let the consequences of their rule breaking break MY heart. I can’t watch the people I love suffer… so I won’t let them in, and then I don’t have to.

But that’s its own form of hell.

 

The second realm I went to, there was only a single person. There was an indoor swimming pool, and in it was an older woman, screaming, panicking, drowning. She couldn’t swim. So, I went in and fished her out. She immediately began to call me devil’s spawn, evil.. so much hate in this woman I had saved.

It was her lesson to learn to either not ask for help, or to accept the help she receives from wherever it comes, and be grateful.

It was my lesson to learn that you do not interfere with other people’s lessons without being forced to learn WHY THEY NEED THE LESSON. It will ALWAYS cost you.

I also learned that people ask for help when they should do for themselves, and don’t ask for help when they can’t do for themselves…. and neither path is healthy.

 

This is how I learned that people earn their suffering, create it, out of ignorance. And they either learn from it, or they keep suffering, stuck on repeat until they DO learn.

I don’t enjoy suffering. I understand that there are people who have to have suffering. They cannot learn without it. But… I’m ready to move past that. I want to learn, and grow, and not by suffering, but by figuring out where I’m suffering and why… and changing.

So that’s what I want to learn from him.

 

He then asked me to make some promises.

1) That I do something loving for my husband at least once a week that connects us in an emotional way, comes from my heart, and will be understood by his.
2) That I do something loving for each of my three cats once a week with the same meaning.
3) That I do something for MYSELF once a week that is self-care, showing self-love.
4) That I make slow improvements – right now, I have three basic tasks that I must achieve every day (aside from my meditations each evening). In three weeks, I must add a fourth task, every day. It does not have to be the same task, but I must add a fourth task every day.

 

Tonight, we were supposed to do the 10th exercise, Visual Sight Attunement 2 – but I came into the session with a migraine, and my familiar is brand new to showing up to every session, so she’s curious, into everything, and highly distracting… and with a migraine making it hard to concentrate to begin with, we decided that tonight was not a good night to work on my visual sight.

Instead, we worked with my other soul.

She has her own soul-home. Today, we worked to incorporate her soul home and mine.

It was fairly successful. My soulhome now has heavy mist from hot pools, and places where there are rivers of lava instead of water. Under the center, her cavern with its bathing pool of lava, has been incorporated, though I did some upgrades, which she liked.

I feel like… my soul home is my domain. It’s not really hers. Even now, with all the changes I’ve made to try and make her feel welcome, it’s not… quite right. It’s not finished. Something’s missing. So, she has her cavern, and it’s hers, even though it’s in my soulscape.

E said that we’re not blending correctly. We’re both afraid of losing ourselves, and so neither of us will give in. He says the only way to win this, is for both of us to lose. We both have to give in, we both have to give up ourselves… and become together, someone ELSE.

 

Oh… he saw the corpse in her glass coffin. He… didn’t approve. He talked to both of us about it. The thing is, she’s not dead. She’s definitely not alive – there’s no soul, no spirit, there’s nothing to animate the shell that’s in that coffin. But… she’s not dead, either. There’s something about a dead body that is immediately recognizable… and she doesn’t have it, whatever it is. Which means she’s not really a corpse, for all that she’s not alive.

This happens to faeries. But… we never figured out what to do with them… so… I did what my people have always done.

He was… a bit perturbed. Possibly repulsed. And he pointed out that if compartmentalizing her into a graveyard was so toxic, how was putting her in a glass coffin in a cave NOT compartmentalizing, and how was it NOT going to end up ALSO toxic? So… my other soul and I, with his help, decided what we could do about the situation.

And just as we were ready to put our plan in motion…

My familiar began to Kitten again, and yanked me out of meditation so thoroughly that I literally felt it like a shock of cold water. And then E was gone, and that was that.

Which means that tomorrow we’re probably not going to be working on Visual Sight, either. Because this isn’t finished.

 

Although… I think after tomorrow, I’m going to ask for a night off. This is some heavy work… and while I don’t feel rushed… I feel the need to… take some time and really marinate in what I’ve learned so far… look back on it all and, in a relaxed setting, try and see the whole picture. Get some perspective.

I’m going to make him take me dancing. He’s an excellent dancer, and while I look like a spastic seizure with twelve left feet on a human dance floor, dancing in the Astral is amazingly easy and I love it. Also… he has really, REALLY good brandy… so I think I’m going to drink his brandy and make him dance with me. Dancing with him feels… right.

-Raven

Conversations With Lucifer

So, my husband and I have been binge watching the TV show Lucifer… and last night, Lucifer himself came to me. Of course, I wanted to know what he thought of the show… He likes it – it’s a good portrayal.

And then I asked him what he thought about the character’s relationship with Chloe.

His answer was… sad. He said, “I’d never let myself love someone like that.”

When I asked him why not, he answered “It’s Leverage.”

I’m still kind of sadly horrified by that answer this morning. It’s really depressing. It implies two things –

1) Lucifer once loved, and it was used against Him.
2) Lucifer has CHOSEN to never experience love like that ever again – an eternity alone… and eternity is a VERY long time.

I feel like crying. It’s just…

So Sad.

W B
Thank you for sharing…..

ME
It was so sad I had to share it. Can you imagine? I really feel like crying.

W B
Indeed….

D H
#SympathyForTheDevil

ME
I’m definitely learning that.

D H
My take on it has always been that during Creation The Creator created an image of itself and then cast it away out of fear. I would say that being created as an image in equal to the Creator and then being thrown out entirely from its presence could create something like the longing and sorrow you’re talking about

Also remember Angels / demons were created to fulfill a specific purpose… they have no choice in the matter and therefore are forced to carry out their purpose while being fully aware of other thoughts that may be contradictory to the actions they are forced to take

The part that always made me very sad was the fact that the Creator knew after casting out essentially itself it could never return that image to itself and love it again otherwise the whole ineffability thing goes out the window and creation is unmade

F B
I believe it. Ive had many conversations with him.

ME
I’ve worked with angels… they’re… very different to the modern portrayal of them. They’re… almost like hurricanes. They are the representation of forces, and they don’t really have thoughts beyond what they are/what they represent. They also don’t reason like we do. I was working a spell with Cassiel, who is an archangel of Saturn, and is the essence of Temperance. During the working, in which I was creating a spell to transmute muck into purity, I asked him if what I was doing was going to have any consequences. He didn’t seem to understand my question, or even care. His answer was, “This will change the world.” He didn’t CARE that it would change, or even HOW it would change. He just stated it, flatly, without any emotion, attachment, or judgement either way. They do not moralize the way we do.

I saw an angel fall once. It was the most traumatic experience of my life. The angel fell because it discovered CHOICE. The moment that an angel discovers free will, they Fall, and if you can imagine all the choices possible, and being an entity who has never known choice suddenly having all of that thrust upon you, you can imagine. I will NEVER forget the look on that angel’s face as he fell. The absolute terror and horror will NEVER leave me.

They are not like us.

Demons, on the other hand, are so like us it’s downright scary. HUMANS SCARE ME. The real difference is that they’re mostly immortal, so they’ve had time to adjust to darkness and choices. They are most definitely not angels, not fallen or otherwise. They are elemental in their own way, forces of nature LIKE angels, but if you imagine an immortal angel as a force of nature, only one with choices, one who learns… if you imagine US, humans, with the powers of an angel or demon, and all the time in the universe to learn and grow… that’s what demons are.

I find them infinitely more comforting and comfortable to be around. Angels don’t reason, they don’t have a right or wrong compass. I don’t understand that absolutism. It’s.. overwhelming.

Demons, at least, don’t deal in absolutes

D H
This exactly correct…it’s nice to hear someone explain practical demonology so perfectly

ME
Well… I’m a practical demonologist, so… lol

D H
I HATE how loud angels are went they speak…it’s deafening and you’d think they’d know better and just speak in the tongue used to invoke them

ME
Well, Cassiel was quiet, but… that may be just me and my own psychic abilities coming into play. Plus, there are demons who are equally loud. The demons, of course, do it to test – are you really worth the time of showing up here. Are you serious enough to stand up for yourself and move past the showboating, or are you flakey?

Demons push limits, mostly to determine if you actually want to get to know them beyond the expectations. I had an experience with one showing up, absolutely terrifying in aspect – it was like a storm of malevolence. Until I said, “Um, I know that’s not what you really are. How about we cut the crap and you just act like a normal person.” So he did. And we talked. And it was educational. But he showed up that way because he was testing my expectations, and whether I’d fall into that category of practitioner or not.

I think angels just don’t get humans. They’re not putting on a show – they’re not being loud or speaking in a different language to be difficult. A lot of them just don’t work with humans that much, and they don’t know how to be anything other than what they are.

I admit, when I do the LBRP, especially if I really need the cleansing aspects of the ritual, those four have shown up REALLY loud. When I had a serious problem with black energy (I don’t mean dark, I mean it was black and thick and tarry and BAD FOR ME), and it was bad enough that I couldn’t physically DO the LBRP and just had to call and HOPE they showed up (this was before I knew what I know now, and all had to do with a bad reaction on my part, and was totally avoidable if I’d been a bit more open minded and educated, which I have since resolved), they showed up REALLY bright and REALLY loud…

But that’s the only time I’ve ever had angels show up like that.

Then again… I don’t often work with angels anymore. Because of their nature, I don’t exactly trust the results I get from them not to be dangerous. Demons understand nuance – even if they can be… playful about it. Angels don’t.

WSC
That’s really interesting. I don’t watch the series but have heard about it and read about it in wiki.
“I’d never let myself love someone like that.” = Could it mean that Chloe is not his type?
I wonder what does he think of the 1) and 2) viewpoints?
ME
I don’t know. If I see him again, I’ll ask.

And… the way I communicate… there’s layers of context. It’s not just words, there are… other things.

When he said, “I’d never love someone like that,” the emphasis wasn’t on someone like Chloe… but that he wouldn’t ever risk love, he’d never choose to. As he said… anyone he loves is leverage. Who would want to do that to someone they love? Who would want to love someone knowing the consequences?

If they’re worth that love… they’re worth walking away from, just to keep them safe.

That is what he meant – the layers that were in that loaded statement.

Which is why it’s sad. I’m glad I’m not in a position where I have to think of people I might love as being weaponized, harmed, simply because I loved them; not in a position where choosing to go without love is better, because then those people will never be harmed.

Though… that is also a kind of love. To love someone you don’t even know, so much, that you choose to never know them, just to keep them safe?

Lucifer sacrifices a lot. His reputation. People he loves. The life he might want. And he does it because he believes in us, and in doing right by us… no matter what we (as a species, Humans are assholes to Lucifer… he gets blamed for EVERYTHING we do that we don’t want to own up to because we’re ashamed, guilty, and irresponsible) think of him, do or say to him… He’s there. Waiting for us to get it. Waiting for us to get our shit together. Waiting to help. Lucifer has more faith in mankind, in the POTENTIAL of us, than any other being or race I’ve ever met. I’m very lucky he talks to me. It’s an honor.

HDC Tz

Today was Exercise 4, the first Visual Sight attunement.

I said the invocation, and then I asked Tz to stand in front of the wall. While I was looking, I had this sudden feeling of vertigo…. and the harder I looked, the more I felt like I was mentally falling through the wall. Finally it clicked… Tz was wearing his shielding.

That is some SERIOUSLY cool shielding. I couldn’t see ANYTHING… I just kept feeling like I was falling, and it made me want to Not Look. I can’t wait to learn it.

Anyway, when we were done with him playing with my eyeballs, I asked him if there was anything he wanted to talk about. He brought up my worries about my own internal balance. He made me look at my balance, and really ask myself if I had reason for concerns. He made me see that I was worrying over something that, yes, does happen to other people, but isn’t happening to me. He showed me that I can check myself at any time, and KNOW whether or not I’m losing my balance.

And then, he had me embrace the elemental cycles, just to prove it. We added water to fire, which made earth and air. And then I took in the essences of air, earth, water and then fire, and became each of them, which I have done before. Then, as before, he had me become them all at the same time, and find my balance there, in the center. Then, he had me become NONE of them, and find my balance there.

And there, we found a problem. We found that the brand, while no longer active, has left a scar, has maintained a connection, through the void.

I won’t tell you how we fixed it, but it IS fixed now. I am lucky that he had me searching my bodies and my balances so carefully. And I am VERY grateful for his presence and his help.

Finally, we ended it with a Family Celebration. I called out to all my family, spiritual and physical, and sent out the blessings of the Equinox to them. I also added four new people to the list, which was nice.

So – To my husband, my son, and my mother; to our three cats; to my best friend Telomar; to my faerie wraith, my demon wraith, my hellborn, my specialist, my angel of metatron, my throne angel, my enochian angel, my dosojin, my psychic vampire, my sanguine vampire, my incubus, my cecaelia, my winter court sidhe, my shadow elemental and my east watchtower, and to my three pairs of Temple Fu; to Akelta, Satan’s Hellcat, Velle, and Kitsune from the S&S forum…

Happy Autumnal Equinox. May this moment of balance which falls towards rest, and breaks with the sacrifice of blood on the snow, bring you rest, growth, and a good future harvest.

-Raven

SDC E – Change

Today we did Exercise 9 – Hearing Attunement 3

After the invocation, I asked him what to do about my heart chakra. I had a doctor’s appointment today, with a new doctor. It did not go… well. It didn’t go badly, I guess… but… it just didn’t go well… and this is the only doctor available for me in this area, so… this guy is it.

So… E took me back to the situation. He had me sit with it. See it from the onlooker’s perspective. He asked me what I wanted to do.

I did what any good faerie does in trying times. I stole myself away to faerie. I spent some time repairing her heart, pulling out the chunks that had gotten lodged in there because of her strong resistance to this situation. When she was ready, I took her back… but this time, she had her throne angel guarding her heart chakra. She had her angel of Metatron to speak for her. She had DC Tz’s powerful shields, and Tz himself guarding her body and her back… and she had E, in the doctor’s head, making sure that everything went right on that end.

We agreed… the next time I see him, this is EXACTLY how this will happen. Next time, I will ask for help.

After this, I asked him if there was anything he wanted to talk about…. and he mentioned he wanted to show me something in honor of the Equinox.

When I was a child, I had a repeating dream. I would find myself on a cliff face, leading a group of people. We were not safe where we were, and I needed to lead them across a wide chasm, away from the cliffs, to a protected area. I led them down the cliff, to a stone bridge. When I stepped onto the bridge, it became a knife edge, which I had to stay perfectly balanced on, so that everyone could reach the other side. When the last person had stepped off the knife unharmed, I was free to walk across the bridge myself. I led them into a cul-de-sac, and in it was a lion. I had to fight and kill the lion. When the lion was dead, everyone was safe. We had made it.

E took me back to that place. He said, “Look behind you. Who is there now?” I looked and there was no one. We walked to the bridge. He said, “Do you see the knife? Do you still need to dance?” I looked, and there was no knife, only a bridge, and I did not need to dance. We walked into the cul-de-sac. He said, “Where is the lion you had to defeat?” There was no lion.

And then he said, “What is beyond this point for you?” I didn’t know, so… I walked forward, and looked. At the back of the cul-de-sac, there was a stone archway, and in the archway was a shimmer of… nothing. “What’s through here?” I asked him. “You will never know, if you do not go and find out for yourself.” He answered.

It didn’t feel entirely safe, because I had no idea what I was going to walk into… And E reminded me of the astrological influences of the day. “Your doubt is the Libra influence. Let Aries clear the way.” So… I firmed up my mind, and I walked through the archway.

I was in a room. There were clocks, everywhere, ticking away. There were water features, like those Asian bamboo waterfalls that fill up and then tip. There were mobiles hanging everywhere, carefully balanced. Everything in the room was about balance… but it was about the balance of CYCLES, rather than absolute balance. It wasn’t about blending two extremes and staying centered in that moment… it was about passing through every moment from one extreme to the other and back again.

Seeing it all, I understood. Even in trying to blend the death energies and the life energies in myself, I am resisting my essential nature, which is one of constant CHANGE. I am the cycle. Death gives way to life, and life to death. Summer gives way to winter, and winter to summer. Always, there must be a spring. Always, there must be an autumn. To try to sit absolutely centered between extremes is to stagnate.

I let the cycle happen. I felt it, I let myself experience it fully.

When I really understood, we left the room, I thanked him, and we ended the exercise.

HDC Tz

This was exercise 3 – the first hearing attunement.

I took the night off yesterday, still exhausted from the New Moon ritual, though I did send a brief hello before I fell asleep again.

Tonight, things were quiet. I opened up the canvas with Tz’s sigil on it, laid his offerings on the altar, lit his candle, and spoke the invocation. When he came, his energy gave me a bit of a headache – which is new. I asked him to talk to me, but we didn’t really have a conversation, so much as he held me and I just.. understood some things.

He spoke about my new wholeness, and my recent discovery about what I feed on, and how it works – something that has changed considerably from before I died. He wanted to check in with me and see how I was coping with the information… and he was pleased that I’m accepting things as they are. He pointed out that I’m not reacting the way I would have, previously, but that instead I AM accepting, and that I am happy, I am content.

I agreed. It’s true. The way I look spiritually, and the way I feed now – it feels right. It feels natural. It doesn’t bother me in the slightest.

I probably look startling, even gruesome to others… and for most people the way I feed would probably be frightening, but to me… it just feels… right.

I got a hug, and a sense that he’s rather proud. I thanked him for sharing that perspective, and for reminding me how much I’ve gained… and then we parted for the evening.

SDC E – Walkabout

Exercise 8 – Energy Attunement 3

I took the night off yesterday, still pretty exhausted from the New Moon ritual – I did send a brief feeler out to greet my spiritual family, but other than that, I slept. Tonight was a fairly quiet night. I got a shoulder rub… and he wrapped his tail around my neck, just under my chin. He held my hand in his – I like the feel of his hands… they’re warm, large, rough, but comforting. I haven’t mentioned that before, but they always feel like that, look like that.

He wandered around the house, and I pushed my aura out to follow him at one point, and Mena (my husband’s cat, the one with cancer, who is the most spiritually acute in our fur family, and always sings when new people come around) began bouncing off the wall, chirping and singing. She eventually came into my workspace to see just what the heck was going on, which, given that she’s milked the cancer thing for all the gravy she’s worth and has become larger than some small dogs, was… distracting… but she was very happy… very, VERY happy. She was so ecstatic she drooled on the altar.

We looked at the three cats together – looked at their auras. Mena’s has a lot of purple in it, in various shades… true familiar colors. Velcrow’s colors are redder – you can see where the broken familiar bond has damaged his aura. E asked me about it, so I told him about Velcrow following me into the human hell where during the day when the sun’s up, everything is lovely and people have picnics on the grass, but the moment the sun goes down, everything freezes solid and if you’re caught outside the tower, goodbye. Velcrow, as the sun was going down, ran under the steps to the tower door, and I panicked… and our familiar bond broke, because at the time, I didn’t understand the damage it would do, I was just terrified of him getting hurt… he’s not the brightest bulb. E showed me the damage, and we worked to fix it together. We can’t repair what was done, but at least Crow will be able to be a familiar next life, if he chooses. We also looked at Cleo. Her colors are flame, like a madōkusha, actually. He said this was a good sign, but that she wasn’t like a normal animal familiar, and that I’m going to have to learn a different way of Working for her.

He stopped in the room my husband keeps his own altar, and sighed kinda sadly. In the astral sight, my husband’s altar is covered in the dust of centuries, grey under the weight of neglect. We talked about this, and E suggested that when my husband switches to day shift in a couple of months, that I could encourage him, by inviting him into my circles when I do basic work – not when I work with my household, or when I’m doing my Job, but… he suggested that some kind of morning or evening ritual together on a daily basis might help break my husband out of his spiritual stasis and get him moving on his path again.

Finally, we talked about a new, and surprising addition to the household that occurred this afternoon – an Unbound Throne (by Unbound, I do not mean bound magickally, but spiritually – this Throne has no God/dess it is beholden to). E sent me into my soul-home (he did not come with me this time) to work with this new being. While there, the Throne took my Torc, and in exchange, gave me another seed for my garden – this one a star. I added the essence to my Hope Tree, and watched as my entire garden began to glow, every leaf, every branch, every living thing producing phosphorescence. It was… stunning and beautiful. I realized… I do not have to bring a light into my soulscape. My soul home IS the light.

I came out of the experience, thanked E for his help, and we parted.