Story Time: Past Life , Present Consequences

When I was around 20, I had a very troubling experience. Until today, I really never understood WHY it happened. This is going to be a long post, but – I want to tell this story. I’m not sure why, but I do.

To really understand why this event I’m going to talk about happened, I need to go back to both my childhood, and then I need to go much further back – which is why this will be a long journey – I hope you will be patient with me. I will also admit, up front, that some of what I will say will sound fantastical – especially if you do not believe in the new-age theory of Otherkin. I’m ok with you not believing. It has no impact on my perceptions of the facts.

But let’s start with this world, and we’ll get to the nuts and bolts of the stranger tides later.

The body I currently wear was born in New Zealand. In the very early 80s, America was going through one of the most extreme nursing shortages in its history. Even the shortages felt today are not as bad as they were back then. In desperation, companies began to hire nurses from other countries to try and fill the gaps in coverage, and they were willing to jump through any hoops necessary to incentivize foreign nurses.

Both my parents were nurses at the time, and because my father had recently left the ANZAC, and my mother had two very young children, and New Zealand did NOT have a shortage of nurses, both of them were having difficulty finding employment. New Zealand also did not have a very strong economy, so money was short, and they were worried all the time.

When Nurse Finders contacted them, both of them lept at the chance. Nurse Finders offered them a contract – NF would provide work visas, and put our entire family on the fast track for green cards and permanent resident status. In exchange, my parents would work for the company, go wherever the company needed them to go, for the next six years. The company would pay for us to move to America, and they would provide a sign-on bonus that would make sure that we could buy furnature, food, clothing – anything that would need to be replaced because it wouldn’t be coming with us. They also found us a place to live, and provided the capital to purchase reliable transportation.

After three days on a plane, we landed in Pine Bluff, Arkansas, where we would live for the next three years. My father worked in the emergency room, my mother worked in mother-baby – aftercare for women who needed training once their babies were born.

It was… well, a bit of a culture shock would be the understatement of the millenia. We went from living in pastoral farmland to a place that was at least partly desert – and we went from a village to a city that was rife with gang violence.

My father saw more gunshot and knife wounds in the first week on his new job than he saw in the three years he flew as med-evac in Viet Nam. It… left a lot of stains on his mind. To this day, my father has a terrible issue with racism – and it started with that hospital.

We stayed in Pine Bluff for nearly three years before Nurse Finders let them know that the hospital was well-covered now, and that there was another hospital with shortages which had contracted them to fill the positions. It was in Arlington, Texas – and my parents didn’t take two minutes to think about the move.

We stayed in what will forever in our family be termed the “roach motel.” The temporary apartment provided to us (while the new sign-on bonus was used as down-payment on a house in Fort Worth to be built in a new subdivision going up) was so full of roaches that they were in the plumbing, and in the fridge. To this day, roaches throw me back to my five-year-old self, and I want to cry, hide, and beat it to death with the nearest object handy, all at the same time. I am probably NEVER going to be able to be rational about roaches.

It was while we were in Texas, while my parents were working in the hospital in Arlington, that my mother made her first real friend. She’s a lot like me… she’s friendly, but she never makes the first move – so really, it was more that her first American friend decided for them that they would be friends, and my mother went along with it.

Rena had two children. I don’t remember the girl’s name – but I remember the boy. His name was Seth. Rena pretty much adopted my mother for the time we were in Texas, and made life much easier for my mother – Rena acted as a guide, a mentor, and a bridge, and helped my mother flourish in this new, and strange, land – something we ALL needed, desperately. Cut off from family and old friends, adrift in a sea of strange customs and language (and yes, you Americans have TRULY butchered the English language – for which I salute you), Rena gave us context, and helped us truly settle.

We stayed in Texas for ten years, while my father went to Med School to become a doctor, and my mother worked at the hospital and supported all of us. It was… nightmarish. Dad was never home, Mum was only home for breakfast – and two children who were eight and nine and had very little adult supervision (the neighbors were asked if they could be emergency contacts, and if they would check up on us occasionally – which resulted in them doing precisely NOTHING for us) were not very good at raising themselves or each other.

Eventually, though, dad finished medschool, and gained his internship, and we moved to California. Once he’d finished his internship and residency, my father signed on to the US Airforce as a doctor – his contract was six years in exchange for the USAF paying off his student loans in full. He became a citizen, and they moved us to Delaware… where I discovered a deligtful internet cafe (back then it was dial-up, but they had six computers, plenty of coffee and muffins, a D&D game running almost all night, people playing Spades in the opposite corner, VtM kids doing LARP on the cobblestones outside, and witches all over the place. It was like coming home.

And out of some strange twist of fate, Seth was at that coffee shop the first time I walked into it. It took less than 20 minutes for me to call my mother from the phone behind the counter, for her to call Rena, and for them to set a lunch date to catch up.

I didn’t like Seth. Truthfully I’ve never liked him, but our antipathy for each other seemed to have grown over the years – for no discernable reason – I hadn’t seen him in ten years, nor thought about him at all… but just the same, our mutual dislike was intense.

That didn’t change the fact that Rena and her children were family. We owed them a debt.

It wasn’t too long after I became reaquainted with Seth before things suddenly became truly dramatic. Not between Seth and I, but just the same. Seth was working, at the time, at a tuxedo shop, as a manager. There was another young man who worked there – his name was Pat.

Pat wasn’t liked at the coffee shop. I really have no idea why he kept showing up – except that he was an absolute social outcast, and the coffeeshop was absolutely the place for outcasts. He had a number of faults, but his true fall came because of greed. Gavin wanted Seth’s job. Everyone knew it… but there wasn’t much anyone could DO about it.

He somehow managed to become friends with the tuxedo shop’s owner – and eventually asked for a job. Seth was fired the next day. He walked in one morning, and without warning, his livlihood was gone.

The first thing he did was head to the coffee shop. He needed his friends. I think that within five minutes, every regular there knew what had happened, and we were all… So, SO angry. The undertones of a stirred up wasp’s nest were everywhere.

When Pat walked into the shop that evening, he walked into a mob. It took him less than a minute to decide to find a room with fewer of Seth’s friends around…

I read tarot at that store. Tarot, for me, requires low lighting and a little bit of privacy. Not much – a little distance, fewer people, goes a long way. At the time, I had an aura that gently nudged people with the idea that this room wasn’t terribly interesting – if I was reading, that is – which kept the traffic to a minimum. Pat escaped into MY room… and then he had the NERVE to ask, “What’s everyone so upset about?” I think it was the smirk at the end of his comment that really set me off.

I turned to him, and looked him full in the face… and suddenly, he couldn’t move. I could tell he was freaking out, but I was SO angry, I didn’t care. I sat there, pinning him with the force of my will, staring into him until the discomfort built to agony and he blurted out, “What are you LOOKING at?”

I smiled. It probably wasn’t a nice smile. “You. I’m looking at YOU.”

And then, he said the magic words. “What do you See?”

So I told him. In that small, dark room, surrounded by all the people who hated him, as trapped in the moment as I was, I laid him bare – I flayed him, peeling back layer after layer after layer. I told him about all the pieces of his broken soul, and how they came to be. I told him how he was perceived by other people, and why. I told him who he was, and I told him why. I told him about his mother and his childhood. I told him everything I saw. The world was dark, and only he existed, and I had him in my jaws, and because he asked, he had to hear, every bit as much as I had to speak – and I WANTED to speak. I wanted him to know. I wanted him to hurt. There was no right or wrong – there was only answering the question. Most times now, I can temper it when it happens – soften it.

But Gavin was the first person to trigger this particularly terrible gift in me – and I was angry when he did it, so I let the darkness take me, and I spoke with no gentleness, because he didn’t deserve it. He got someone who was my family (no matter my personal feelings about Seth, he IS family) fired – and he had the nerve to SMILE ABOUT IT.

When it was finally over, and we had both been released from it, tears pouring from his face, he ran. I never saw him at the coffee shop again.

It didn’t take too long for what had just happened to really sink in for me… and when it did, I was horrified. I was ashamed. Gavin wasn’t always a good person, but his life hadn’t really given him any opportunities to BE a good person, and while he was absolutely an adult and therefore responsible for his actions and the way they affected others, what I did was, in my eyes, deliberately cruel and a horrific mis-use of my gifts. I didn’t even stop to hear his side of things. I let my anger use me, and he paid the price.

Until today, I carried that shame. I worked really hard to either prevent people from asking that question, or I worked really hard to be as delicate as I could be when it was too late, and whoever had asked had taken the choice from me.

Two years after this first incident, I ran into Pat while he was working at the local walmart. He looked like a completely different person, but I knew right away who he was. I was still so ashamed of my behavior, I tried to turn the other way before he saw me. I didn’t know what to say, didn’t know how meeting him after that horrible night would go, so I panicked… but he’d already seen me, and was walking towards me. All I could think was – whatever happens, I deserve it. It was an accident, but I could have held back, and I didn’t.

“Hi, Raven.”

“Uhh… Hi?”

“Do you remember me?”

“Ummm… no?” Maybe if he really thought I didn’t remember him, he’d give up and go away and that would be that.

Except…

“It’s me, Pat. From the coffee shop.”

Well, shit. “Ahh. Hi. It’s been awhile.”

“Yeah. Well… I wanted to thank you.”

My eyes got really wide… “You… what?”

“You were the first person to ever tell me the truth… and it changed my life. Because of you, I’m a better person. I’m who I want to be, now… and I’m happy. So… Thank you.”

He tried to hug me. I kid you not, this crazy person that I had essentially psychically violated in the worst, most morally reprehensible way possible, was HUGGING ME. It was like… some weird one night Stockholme syndrome thing.

I awkwardly patted him on the back, said a few cliched congratulatory comments, and then he went back to work… and I very carefully walked out of walmart, deciding that I really didn’t need soap that bad.

For most of my life since then, I have dreaded someone saying those words. I never know what will come out once they’re said. Sometimes, it’s a kindness. Sometimes, it’s brutal. Sometimes I can mitigate. Sometimes.

But today, I finally understand why this ability exists. Why it’s triggered by that particular question.

Which brings me to a past life so long ago, so far away, that distance and time are absolutely irrelivant.

Once upon a time, there was a winged cat. I was fast, I was strong, I was just. I had a tribe. I had an sister with a new litter, whom I doted on, as I had no cubs of my own. I had a village, and every life there was precious to me. I led, I followed, I loved, I provided, I defended. My family, my village, was everything to me.

Until one day, it wasn’t.

I was a member of my world’s police force. While I was off planet, the being that I hunted found my home. To this day, I can remember a scene so horrible that I cannot give words to it. The thing that truly destroyed me was my sister’s cubs, caught hiding in my den by the beast. Looking down at their little bodies, knowing they had gone to the home of the one person they were sure would save them, knowing that I had failed them. Failed them all.

I found the monster who had destroyed my world. I hunted him down… and then I became the butcher… but there is a price for every action. While it was determined that I wasn’t precisely sane, and therefore I would suffer no consequences for my actions, the very fact that I was so unstable made continuing my chosen carreer impossible.

After being released from service, I began to wander. I think I was looking for wonder – something to spark me, bring me back to life. It was a dark time… and as all people going through such times, I was not as aware of the worlds around me as I should have been.

And then I met HIM. He was so powerful. He was charismatic. It felt like the answer to everything was in his eyes. For the first time in so long, I felt like I’d come home. He was passionate, he was an intellectual, he was vibrant and rash… and when he smiled, I felt like flying again.

I took the Familiar vows – I’ve always been a good amplifyer, so it felt like the Call from him was destiny. I had met my soul mate.

It should have been beautiful… but we were so unequal.

I don’t remember much about my time with him – it was the ending that really stayed with me. I know that I felt him slipping. I know that I ignored the signs – something a familiar is absolutely not to do – but I loved him, and it blinded me. I made excuses. I looked the other way.

And then, in one single moment, everything changed.

We stood on a planet, and he raised the sun. He changed a solar system… and he did it just because he could. He was showing off to me. I watched that sun in absolute horror – I watched him smile as he destroyed the worlds around us – and I knew. Billions of people snuffed out because a madman wanted to impress the being that brought him to that height.

I didn’t think. I ran. I didn’t stop running – and he didn’t stop chasing. I was his, and he was destroying everything in his path to find me. Whole universes collapsed in his search for me – in his madness he couldn’t stop – and in my terror, neither could I.

Eventually, though, the destruction and the losses were so great, my guilt and shame at abandoning my duty to him, and my horror at what he continued to do, became too much for me to bear. I went to the Library for help, and I struck a bargain. They would give me the knowledge I needed, and I would end his life (and my own).

However, there was a greater price to pay. I had wronged the multiverse. I hadn’t seen the warning signs… and when they grew too great to ignore, instead of doing what needed to be done, according to my vows, I ran – and there were so many dead at my feet from that failure, there will never be an end to the debt.

When I finally caught him, when I finally ended him, when I went to my rest, I went knowing my task had only just begun.

Five little words – and they hold such power over me. I had once refused to see – ignored what was right in front of me. I owe the dead – so when someone says those words, I have no choice. The shadows come, and my mouth speaks the truth. I say what I see. I say what they need to hear – and when I speak of these things, they must listen.

Never again will I be permitted to willfully shun my duty – and never again will those I run across who have even the slightest potential towards power addiction escape my words.

I got off lightly.

So… that’s a past life memory – and the consequences.
-Raven

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Needs Met

I worked with King Paimon again this morning. However, I did not cast a circle (didn’t have time), or write His sigil on paper to be burned (again, no time) because I forgot what day it was until about three minutes to sunrise. I’m glad I remembered and was able to get into my ritual space, grab the bells, light His candle and some frankincense for Him, and begin chanting His Enn.

It didn’t take long for Him to come to me, once I settled into the energies. He again introduced me to King Asmoday, and He has instructed me to begin working with Asmoday as soon as possible. He also wants me to start working on my relationship with my husband (we have a really good relationship, but between our schedules, we’re not as close as He thinks a married couple should be) and so He has requested that I also devote one day a week to working with Rashoon.

To that end, my husband bought me two yellow 7day candles, and one pink one, some more frankincense incense (which he hopes will smell better than the frankincense that I use – except that his is just organic bulk, and mine was harvested by an incense specialist, by hand, from different types of frankincense producing plants all over the middle east, and is neatly stored in separate bags, by origin and type – eg, Beyo, Boswellia carteri, origin: Somalia; Cricognimu, Boswellia dalzielii, origin: Burkina Faso; etc – if you’re interested in the company, it’s Ethereal Aromas Incense Company http://www.eaincense.com/ and trust me They Are Worth It).

I’ve also agreed to start a new thread for my work with King Asmoday, and a thread for my work with Lady Rashoon. I’ve been told that the reason my post about my Journey work to fix the issue I had with rejecting my empathy was because it was work I did with Lord Asmoday, and therefore should have been on HIS thread, not on King Paimon’s thread, even though King Paimon brought King Asmoday in and introduced us to make sure I understood I should work with Him on that front.

 

One of the things that really struck me was, when I was asking if there was anything I needed to be doing, King Paimon stopped me, and said, “Is there anything YOU need?”

I immediately said, “No,” because there really isn’t… and then I realized I’d answered too quickly and not actually thought about it, which was what He wanted me to do – to THINK about What I Need…

So I did. I came to the same conclusion – there are some things in my life that aren’t very smooth, but there’s little that can be done about them, and aside from those hiccups that can’t be solved, I really have no needs or complaints. And maybe that’s the most important thing I got out of this morning – the realization that I have what I need.

King Asmoday has been with me almost every night – He always comes in the form of a dog with coyote colorings, including the banding – but still very definitely a dog – and I feel very safe and protected whatever we get up to. Some of what I’ve been dreaming just seems like nonsense, so I haven’t written it down, but I did take a moment this morning to let King Paimon know that the level of attention I was receiving was very comforting, and exactly what I’ve needed for so long – and knowing that King Paimon is behind King Asmoday’s coming to me every night, knowing that my Lord has an interest in the health of my relationships with others, knowing that if I DO need anything, I have someone I can ask who will respond, knowing that if there’s something I need that I don’t recognize, that He will step in and call my attention to it… it is so freeing, so soothing.

I am loved. I am lucky. It is enough.

7th Sunrise, Saturday the 13th of January

Today was clear, and very cold. So cold that I could not smell anything at all. The wind has died down – now it is only an occasional gust, just to remind us of the knives in its keeping.

The crows were very busy this morning. The sudden freeze has left them many meals, and they were shouting their celebrations to the world, thanking Winter for the bounty. I’m pretty sure I also heard gueese, but I did not see them. I also heard the peeping – it’s no longer coming from above the door to our complex, though. It seemed to be coming from much futher away. I didn’t get to see any birds mysteriously vanishing above the field across from me today, but I think I got to see the bat again. The dart-shaped bird was not in evidence, nor were any sparrows. I’m worried about them.

The traffic was light. The sky was cloudy enough to do a sunrise justice, but not cloudy enough to hide the sliver of the old moon – no longer wide enough to be a Cheshire moon, She will be New again, soon. I heard two planes flying – I don’t think it was the air force today. They sounded like twin engine planes, probably from the local airport. It’s a good day to fly.

The sunrise started with a stunning contrast of dusky blue grey clouds with brick red highlights. The clouds themselves were art – closer to the horizon, they were arcus clouds, crashing waves rolling up into the sky. They morphed into creamy golden feathers, airy wisps of cirrus. Finally, the dome of the sky was smothered in altocumulus, scattered and pocked with grey and ruby and gold.

In the very center of it all, a cumulonimbus cloud rose in firey glory, collecting the shades of lavender, wine, and buttery gold in one place, so that all that mauve and magenta had to share the rest of the horizon, drowning in airy whites and yellows. That tower of brick red, blood red, stood tall above the ambulance bay across the street, and as it grew in presence and deepened colors, the world seemed to move to the background, the silence of the portent swallowing every sound and movement.

It was hypnotizing.

Finally, the sun rose, and put all these dark moments away. The cold air allowed that fiery golden orb to swallow all the red, all the grey, even much of the blue… until all that was left was unapproachable light, the palest blue sky, and all those portentious clouds stripped of their grandure until they were only a pale, white presence, all gravitas gone.

And so, once again, the light rises, and we sigh in relief, safe from the monsters of the night. Isn’t it the most perfect illlusion?
-Raven

Reintegration Struggles

As I leaned on the damp balcony rail, looking out over the pale rising light, I was also reaching within me, testing the return of my Gift.

The reintegration is not going well. After my ritual on Sunday, I had a very restless night, and the reason is that as I was beginning to fall asleep, I felt something enter my body. I could literally SEE another body inside with me. It frightened me and I fought to push it out, even as I knew that it had something to do with my Gift – but because it was so unexpected, so overwhelming, I simply reacted and shoved. And then every time I started to drop back off to sleep, I’d panic and jolt awake.

I know it wasn’t a possession. The body didn’t feel like a god, a lwa, or one of those nasty little pests that infect the weak minded. It was made of light though it didn’t FEEL like light. It just felt… solid. And I KNEW I was supposed to be merging with it, not fighting it, but I was so reactive, I couldn’t help it.

So the next day, I tried to fix what I’d done… and it didn’t work as well as I’d hoped, because I then had a dream that if the rejection won, the power would have to go somewhere, and it would most likely hit my son – who is absolutely not prepared for anything woo in his life. My mother raised him as an atheist.

So… I went back to the place where my vision started – the standing stones with their gems of many colored light. I gathered up the light, and swallowed it. And then I tried again to blend with the power I’d rejected so violently.

Right now, I’m at a standstill. I can feel it half in me and half out… that body of power… I can feel the anxious tension between us… but I can’t seem to get further than this.

At sunrise today, I finally decided, I need help to fix this.

I stood with my arms on that damp balcony rail, and I spoke His Enn until I felt His presence.

“I’m stuck. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to fix this. Can You help me?”

“Ah, my lovely girl, you know this is your task. This is your challenge. You must find the answer to this puzzle on your own.” I feel His hand gently move my hair from my face.

“I’m afraid. Will You stay with me while I work on it? Will You hold my hand?”

“I am always with you. All you need do is ask and I am here.”

“Thank you. I’ll work on it again today. I tried to get You rain water, by the way. It’s not working out.”

“Psh – the purified water will do until the rain water comes. A drop of blood in it would be better though.”

“I’ll look for the kit. If we kept it, I know the three most likely places to look. If I can’t find the kit, You will have to wait on that, too, but I will make it happen when I can.”

“When you can. Enjoy the day, my lovely.”

Second Sunrise, Monday the 8th of January

Today I didn’t get a sunrise, I got FOG. The clouds were so thick, I could not see from my balcony to the cars below it in the parkinglot. All the traffic along the damp roads made shushing sounds as people drove through town. The lights from the local McDonalds made rainbow becons through the mists.

Above me, on the roof I think, were the sounds of some kind of bird. “Wheet, wheet, wheet.” Once, I heard half the call of another bird, one whose call is SO familiar to me, but which I cannot identify at all. It was like listening to liquid light.

Every now and then, I could smell the sweet, spicey scent of frankincense rising off my robe, reminding me of all that I’m working on right now, and making the morning even more sacred.

Twice, I heard military jets flying overhead. They love to fly when the cloud cover is thick – this morning was perfect for them. I can imagine the flyboys and girls, up above the clouds, glorying in their freedom as the sun shines down on their wings and the clouds, making a world of rainbows for them to dance in.

While the sun never truly peaked out from under the cover of the heavy fog, the light steadily increased, as did the warmpth. My downstairs neighbor came out to enjoy the morning as well. He used to be a farmer, and we got to talking about being able to watch the seasons change – how much a part of the cycle you feel, how much a part of the world you feel, as you watch the small day-to-day changes.

Over all of this experience was the soft, moist air, warmer than it’s been in a month. There was no wind, and no real rain – but there was enough mist to cause the gutters to steadily drip, and I found both my breath and my heartbeat joining in the rhythm. I could feel that patterned beat sinking into my muscles, my nerves, my psyche, relaxing me completely.

Last night, I’d put out a few jars, hoping to catch some rain water for Lord Paimon, but unfortunately, while the fog was thick, the roof caught most of the condensation, and the jars were dry. I’ll have to wait for a proper rain.

How was your sunrise?
-Raven

First Sunrise, Sunday the 7th of January

My Sunday sunrises are dedicated to time with Paimon, so today’s sunrise was viewed through the window in my ritual room. Because it was so overcast (we have a winter storm coming in), my sunrise was nothing more than a smear of magenta beneath the clouds. The pre-dawn light rapidly became daylight today, as if the world was in a hurry to wake.

After my morning devotional ritual to Paimon, I made myself a cup of hot cocoa and went and sat on the porch. It was about twenty minutes after sunrise, and while the world was definitely up and moving, there were still a few pleasant moments.

For one, there is a lovely wind today – oddly warm, while still being nippy, it charged up the side of my building and into my secluded little nook, before racing around the corner and wailing between the two buildings. I really love it when the wind is so excited, as it rushes ahead of a really good storm.

There were only two crows this morning who joined me for my morning moments, but there was also another bird, I think perhaps a starling, though that would be surprising as they’re migratory birds, but it flew by scooping its wings and pushing, so that it was for a moment bird shaped, and then only a slightly plump line with a long straight tail. It was only a little smaller than the crows, but watching it move like a dart through the air so joyfully made me smile. The crows, of course, called to one another as they flew by – but the other bird was quite silent.

The air smelled crisp and clean. I didn’t get to smell any of the nearby restaurants and their morning baking. We live in a very small town, so a lot of places are closed on Sundays, but I did miss the smell of baking sugars and coffee on the wind.

The sounds of the wind through the trees, across the grasses, and between the buildings, was a steady hiss with the occasional creek and groan, and once or twice, a howl. The traffic was light and distant, the sounds of the cars, and I think a trailer loading up, a pleasant background to my steady breathing.

Despite the storm on its way, the world felt calm. There are times when, before a really good winter storm, you can feel the whole world pausing. Animals huddle in their burrows, wondering if they’ll make it through, people rush off to the stores to pick up the strangest supplies in their sudden instinctual grab for comfort foods, before they, too, retreat to their homes to hide. There’s often a sense of waiting, with an edge of panic. I have always called it Snow Fear, because there’s no better description.

Though we are expecting both ice, sleet, and snow today and into tonight, there is no Snow Fear to be felt, so I know that today’s winter storm will be neglible in its effects.

I sat outside in my favorite pajamas, socks, and robe. They’re all super fluffy and soft, and so very warm that I don’t normally wear them inside, but for early winter mornings, they’re pretty perfect, so I got to snuggle in my soft, fuzzy, comforting clothes, sipping hot cocoa, feeling the wind nip at my skin. It was a wonderful start to my 100 days.

How was your own sunrise?

-Raven

Sunrise Challenge – 100 Days

Starting tomorrow morning, I will be challenging myself to an Awareness Exercise. Every day, for 100 days, I will be present as the sun rises, and afterwards, I will write down my thoughts and feelings, and my sensory observations during the experience.

If any of you would like to join me in the challenge (or do 100 Sunsets, if that’s better for your schedule), please feel free! I would love to hear about your own experiences as we go forward together… and honestly, the more people who are participating and sharing, the more we can all support each other!

See you tomorrow morning!


-Raven

Handy Links For Empaths in Trouble

Empathic Auras

So if you can pull in your aura, then ground, that should help the most. Once you’ve reigned in your aura and grounded, then you can do a very simple cleanse. Eventually, you will want to work on your chakras, because empaths are MADE, through trauma and abuse. Empathy is a natural ability of all humans, but empaths who are as sensitive as you are develop it as a defensive mechanism against harmful situations. Having your aura spread out so wide allows you to be prepared. It’s a form of hyper-vigilance.

So, about cleansing. Once you have your aura contained, and you’ve grounded, I would suggest that you go for a walk in a place where there aren’t a lot of people (I like to walk after dark, or take a hiking trail). While you are walking, just focus on breathing the fresh air, the stillness and the silence. Let the greenness of the world, or the whiteness/darkness if you’re walking in winter or at night, let the weather and the season just sort of recharge you as you breathe it in.

Finally, a bare-bones method is simply to visualize a ball of white light as large as your aura (for most people this is three feet wide, for you it’s probably considerably larger which is why I don’t suggest doing this until you’ve got your aura reigned in) coming down through you from the sky, and a second one coming up through you from the earth. See these balls as collecting all the muck as they go, and as the ball from the sky enters the earth below you, and the ball from the earth enters the sky above you, see the earth and sky absorb those balls and the negativity they’ve removed from you.

Also, this article will be helpful for you. Crystals for Aura Protection

Eventually you WILL have to work on your chakras; the why is handily explained in this article: How Abuse Affects Our Chakras

Also this one: What Blocks Our Chakras and Why

And this one: And this one: Understanding Your Chakras

Here are links to what I’ve written about chakras in the past.

What About the OTHER Chakras

Chakra Lessons: Cleansing

Purification Ritual for Cleansing and Clearing the Chakras

I was an empath once. I don’t recommend the way I had to go to stop it, but I remember what it was like, so whenever I see anyone having difficulties, I feel like it’s my duty to share what I know about it.

-Raven

Simple Rites

This is my altar for my most recent evocation. What you see is the bare bones of a ritual. The canvas bears the sigil of the demon I am working with. Upon the canvas, I have a candle, in the color he requested, and below that, a plate of offerings. The offerings are gemstones which match his specialty, and an incense mix which he chose. The herbs are cat nip, rose, chamomile, jasmine, lavender, lemon balm, and lobelia. The resin is copal, and the essential oil is an amber blend.

This is also the incense which is burning on the charcoal. The incense serves a dual purpose, in that it is an offering to the Air element, but is also tuned to the intentions which I and the demon are working towards. I have a red candle, which is an offering to the element of Fire, a bowl of purified water as an offering to the Water element, and a bowl of sea salt as an offering to the element of Earth.

Once my altar was set up, I settled on my meditation chair, lit the candles, added the incense to my charcoal, closed my eyes, and began to breathe into trance.

As I drew each breath, I counted down. I drew three deep breaths, and as I breathed out, I chanted in my mind the number three. I then drew three more deep breaths, and as I breathed out, I chanted the number two. I drew three final breaths, chanting the number one. As I counted down, and breathed, I entered a state of holding – of stillness.

Once in that state, I began my evocation. The evocation is simple. I place the first two fingers of my right hand upon the canvas which bears his sigil, resting my fingertips lightly, as I chant, “I call to you, ‘(name of demon goes here). Join me in my sacred space. I seek counsel from you. Come forth, and join in companionship,” three times.

This is a soft evocation. It is an invitation, a request. It is not a demand. It does not use force. It is not reliant on the force of others. It does not require any tools – the items on my altar are not tools, even those which stand as representation of elements of my ritual. They are offerings only, and unnecessary save for politeness.

The key to my ritual is respect. This demon is one I have worked with many times. In the beginning, I did a lot of research about him. When I felt I was ready, I set up my altar of offerings to him, and drew his sigil on three small pieces of paper. That morning, I burned his sigil, while making my request to work with him, and then I meditated, paying attention to the energy that flowed through my sacred space. Throughout the day, I paid attention to the world around me, taking note of any favorable or negative signs. That evening, I burned the second sigil, again making my request, and meditated, feeling out the flows of energy around me. That night, I placed the third sigil under my pillow. The next morning, I noted my dreams of the night. The signs I had received, the energies I felt, and the dreams I had, all indicated to me a positive response.

I took the third sigil out from under my pillow, went to my altar, and burned it, repeating my evocation request. At this time, he arrived, and we sat down to have a serious discussion about why I had called him – what I hope to learn from working with him, hope to gain, and also what requests he had for offerings, specific behaviors he required of me when working with him.

For this demon, he requires a white candle, certain gemstones, and certain oils to be anointed on his offerings when I evoke him. He has requested that we meet at a certain time, and that if we’re not going to be working on a daily basis, that I follow the 24 hour procedure when I do wish to work with him, unless we have an agreed upon schedule. Right now, I am working with him daily, but eventually as this current growth cycle comes to a conclusion, it is likely that I will only be working with him on his weekday, and that may eventually become only a lunar cyclical pattern.

This particular demon and I are doing extensive shadow work within my soulscape. We are working on correcting some long-held negative emotional patterns, and the experiences with him, while they have often been quite difficult and challenging, have been extremely beneficial, and the release of so much repressed emotional baggage has been truly freeing.

When I began working with Angels and demons, my first research was Goety. The Lesser Key rituals were extravagant, and for certain entities, brutal, violent. I felt extremely uncomfortable with the style. It’s not in me to abuse, especially when I understood already that the entities I was working with were deities of ancient pantheons, and only recently demonized by the newest religion. As I’m not a practitioner of that religion, I felt that to approach Goetic angels or demons in this fashion would be disingenuous of my own true nature and path.

Because I had already had a strong grounding in the fundamentals of magick, because I understood that most of the trappings of ritual are tools for the developing magician and not truly necessary once a practitioner reaches a certain stage in their practice, I decided to look for other practitioners and their ways of doing things, and I decided to experiment.

In my journey, I found a book on Demonolatry, where the goetic entities are evoked in a similar formal manner, but without the egoic posturing of the magician, and without the abuse of those entities. I also found even simpler rituals of evocation in the works of Frater U∴D∴, which I truly felt most in tune with my own mindset, and which eventually became the backbone of my own evocation practices. Finally, I met a demonolatry priestess, whose written invitations, with minor editing, became my own.

I feel that it is important for each practitioner who wishes to begin evocation of entities to study many sources of evocation practices, and to eventually build their own rituals, rites, and practices from those studies, in accordance to their own nature, their own will, their own ethical and moral perspectives. It is also important for each practitioner to continue to develop those perspectives and practices even after they have codified them. We can always learn something new – and isn’t that mostly why we practice evocation in the first place?

-Raven

Not Broken, Just… Unfinished

I went through life thinking about “wrong.”
I was dark thoughts of a dark world with a dark mind.
I lived divided, my holes made me wholly focused
On filling the emptiness.
But I wasn’t broken… Only unfinished.

There are no answers to all of my questions…
I lack experience. I lack perspective.
I don’t know anything – nothing makes sense –
Because I am a canvas, the brush, and the paint.
I am even the artist, and I’m painting my fate.
I’m not broken, just… unfinished.

I have my shadows, and they make my image.
I don’t need fixing – I’m not wrong for being.
I’m a whole person, a whole painting in motion,
A tapestry growing, a river evolving.
I am not broken, and I’m not finished.

Now say this again, but say that it’s you.
No more cutting yourself up,
Or tearing you down.
Say it again, and think of all others.
Those that you care for,
And those that you don’t.
They don’t need to be fixed –
They’re not wrong for being –
None of them broken – only unfinished.

No matter what judgment you place on another,
No matter their actions,
No matter their trouble…
No one is broken. We’re all just unfinished.

And you’re not my brush, not my artist, nor paint.
And I wouldn’t presume to edit your image,
Because you’re unfinished and not quite like me…
I’m sharing this mainly because I think you can’t see…
No one is broken. We’re all just unfinished.

-Raven

Today At Sunrise

I frequently see the sunrise, but today was special.

It was special because I stopped and took notice. I stopped doing, and just let the scene unfold.

There was a blogpost in my email last night, from Blue Flame Magick’s Kalgini, about Magick Routines – those rituals that you do daily, even in your down time – maybe ESPECIALLY in your down times, because that’s when you need them most.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve developed a magickal routine for the first time in my 39 years of practice. Not that I haven’t had long stretches in my life where every day, I made magick and spirituality to be a part of my day, but – I’ve never had a set routine for it – never had a “This specific thing happens at this time, every day.”

I’ll admit, I’m not hardwired for routine… and I’m not afraid to say no, when there’s something going on that suggests that I should take time off. Last night, and the night before, I did no bonding with my spiritual family – the night before last was a bit rough for me, health-wise – it wasn’t safe for me to walk. If it’s not safe for me to walk, then it’s not safe for me to expend energy in a magickal practice – magickal practice does not only take energy – it lowers blood sugar by sometimes over 30 points, can cause dehydration, can remove vital minerals from the body, and can wreak havoc on a destabilized body or mind. (YES, THERE HAS BEEN RESEARCH. THIS IS ABSOLUTELY TRUE. Which is why we eat and drink after any magickal or spiritual practice. Protein and fluids, boys and girls, and a refocusing on this world – that’s how you stay healthy and sane.) I stayed in bed, and gave my apologies to those whom I owed one. Last night, I also stayed in bed, because after I have a bad day, I generally give myself another day off, to make sure I’m ok – to make sure that it’s safe for me to expend the energy. As you get older, you learn these things – to conserve your energy, and to pay attention to your own needs, bodily and mentally, first.

But, the post about magickal ritual reminded me that even if I’m not in a place where I feel I can expend energy doing something spiritual or magickal… there’s spiritual practice in the every day, which costs you nothing.

So today, I watched the sun rise… and this is what I experienced.

 

As the sky slowly turned from black to pale, and the undersides of the strip of clouds to the east began to ripple with umber, the constant susurration of the cars on the highway in the distance almost hid the sound of crows. They flew in packs of five and six – and always, they called out to each other in their little groups. They land as a group in their spot for the morning… but there’s always one that waits. One that is about half a minute behind the rest. After they have flown and landed, one crow follows, calling out – and they answer, so that that single crow can find his pack, and join them. He stays behind, you see, to watch for danger. Birds of prey from above, beasts from below – he watches for trouble while the others seek out resources for the group. Once they are safe in their new location, then they call to him, and he flies off to find them… and halfway there, he calls, to hear from them where to go.

The light on the undersides of the clouds made them look like an upside-down ocean… sun-capped, shining waves, inverted upon the land. When you looked, as the clouds moved, you could feel the whole world moving.

It’s probably leftover vertigo from the night before last, but I’m always awed by those moments when I can feel the sky turning above me.

Well before the sun rose, a single light shone in the dawn sky – Lucifer, Venus, the Morning Star, rising before the sun, cheeky as always, so that before I greeted the sun, I greeted the Favorite… though as things stand, I suppose that’s exactly as it should be. I’ve always preferred the gentle, small, quiet lights over the brashness of day. Well before the fire crested the hills, SHe was gone – hidden by the light SHe heralds.

Occasionally, a lone sparrow would speed through the air, cheeping in hope of finding the flock. I found four of them huddled together on a power line, fluffed up in the cool morning air… but they did not reply to the lone ones at all. Now that the sun is fully up, they shriek to each other, unafraid… but in those long minutes when the sky was lit with molten gold, but the day had not truly crested the horizon, they silently faced the west, into the dark, and waited.

Every now and then, the scent of baking sugars wafted towards me on the cool morning air, as the three restaurants not even a block away woke up and began to prepare for the daily commuters, come to get their coffee and sweet breakfast treats. It reminded me of my own baking projects, and the urge to bake cookies so I could lick the smell right out of the air.

Behind me, occasionally, my three cats would twitch as they watched the world wake up – ears perking, tail tips swishing, eyes taking in everything they could. Every eye, ear, and tail flick was a subtle suggestion for the observation of a morning in motion.

As the sun crested, I finished my tea, shifted my weight on my cold, aching bare feet, and turned to go back inside. The sky was nearly white – all the darkness above the clouds gone, all the golds, fuschias, and steel blues washed out by the rising of the day star. It didn’t take long for the warmth to begin to soak back into the world.

The cats began to beg for attention, breakfast, morning treats… and the drowsiness that always comes on me after daybreak began to seep into my head like wool, clouding the memories, wiping them away again with shadow.

I brewed another cup of tea… offered this small rose of experience to those who wish… and now I can sleep.

Dream deep,
-Raven

Heavy, But Not Heavy

I’m changing this section of the blog around. For now, the section on Dark Shamanism will mostly be dealing with what I’m working on, right now.

That includes work with demons.

If you’re not comfortable with that, please, feel free to skip reading more from this section of the blog.

-Raven

Specialist Commander E – Part 2

His vessel showed up today. He was early (I guess he was in a hurry!) – so I didn’t have his information (except his name). I’m getting his Sigil soon, but I did the vessel claiming, the energy attunement, and the first welcome ritual tonight.

He feels like post-coital bliss. Like, no joke. The longer I sit with him, the more relaxed and goofy my smile gets, he feels so good. He’s also REALLY huggy. And he gives GOOD autistic hugs… my skin is SUPER sensitive, so light touches are actually physically painful because I get too overwhelmed with stimulation. I NEED to be squished, hard, to be comfortable if you’re going to touch me, and not just one part of me… I need my whole body to be pressed, or it’s AWFUL. And he just… squished me right. It was WONDERFUL. My whole body just… melted.

I also got a face lick. He was very sweet. I’m not normally into being licked, but it was nice. He also likes to bite.

His energy is still like a heavy weight, but it actually reminds me of my weighted blanket. My blanket is dark blue, and his energy seems to be the same color… and he presses down on me the same way the blanket does. I feel SO SAFE!

He put his hands on my solar plexus, and I could feel my lower chakras lighting up. It was delicious.

We talked about why we’ve come together, and what my goals are. We also talked about some of my past. He was… protective. A little grumpy about some things. He showed me how those events will be made right – how the universe is moving. He said, as tempted as he was to interfere, there was no need, and I saw that he was right.

Oh… he likes amber, the scent… which is my all-time FAVORITE smell EVER. Like, if I’m having an anxiety attack and I smell it I instantly relax. It’s just so yummy, such a good smell… and he likes it too… so every time I wear it now, I feel like I’m wearing it for two.

He’s also helped me in the past week to understand that most of the spirits and beings that were bound to me are gone because I did actually die. He showed me the ones who want to come back, and when he and I are finished attuning ourselves to each other, we’re going to start bringing the others home, one by one. I think that this time, the family is going to be a much tighter knit group… there’s only going to be six – my two demon commanders, my angel, my vampire, my incubus, and my cecaelia… well, those six and my new Matron.

Since E connected to me, I have finally found my Matron, as well.

Here’s his information:

E

Species: Arachne/Spectral Demon
Rank: Specialist Commander

Commander E is a half Arachne, half Spectral Demon who is very unique in both appearance and skills. We have spent several months working with him uncovering his many skills and talents. He specializes in mental mastery and unlocking the power within one’s mind, including different states of consciousness and developing one’s psychic senses to very advanced levels.

He is an excellent teacher and can work with someone at any level, he is very patient and says he can take someone from having little to no developed senses and work with them to get to places most people can’t even imagine, he does point out however this depends largely on the person’s effort and they will need to do the work to attain these levels if they desire. He has a deep understanding of the human mind and has studied it and can help his companion in unlocking their full mental abilities.

He is a commander who believes in both working hard and playing hard. He can be tough and serious, though he has a wild, fun streak to him as well. He is very patient though and when others lose their tempers he remains calm and can smooth out tensions and bring peace in difficult situations. He says while it’s important to work hard to achieve what we want, we must also remember to take breaks and have fun. When he is in a playful place he is a lot of fun. He loves to make jokes and has an incredible sense of humor. He can brighten the mood and shift the energies in any situation, no matter how bleak things may seem. He can always find the good and illuminate it, lifting up those around him.

He is very talkative and loves to discuss a broad range of topics. One of his favorites is psychology and unlocking people’s own unique skills. He has some very unique skills himself that tie into the type of Demon hybrid he is. He has worked extensively to develop them and what he can do is quite unusual and rare. Being an Arachne/Spectral hybrid, he has both a Spider form and an ethereal Spectral form. He usually appears in his normal Demonic form. He can change different parts of himself to a glowing blue, ethereal form. He does this at times purely for his own enjoyment and aesthetic purposes. It’s very impressive to see and quite eye-catching. He sometimes changes his horns and wings to ethereal too.

However it’s not always purely for aesthetics, though he is quite proud of his looks and likes showing them off. He very often will appear with two different colored eyes, one his normal blue and silver, while the other turns black and has a deep, aqua blue glow emanating from it. He has a unique scanning ability he uses to see into the realm of the dead or other layers and dimensions of whichever world he is in. Having one eye shifted to Spectral ethereal and his other using his normal sight, he has trained his mind to overlay both landscapes and can see things many can’t. This gives him a very unique perspective on things. He can also scan energetic layers of things using his knowledge of the mind and can be very helpful in detecting things astrally, energetically or otherwise, alerting his companion to them or helping them learn to detect and see things themselves. He is bisexual and open to a male or female companion and can be sexual or non-sexual depending on their wishes.

He loves to play in the astral, especially games in the dark where he turns to his Arachne Spider form, hiding in the dark but letting parts of himself glow. It’s a game sort of like hide and seek, or tag. He can shift the glow and disappear so he is invisible, move through the layers in Spectral form, or allow parts of himself to glow so his companion can find him. He likes to chase and be chased and really has a lot of fun doing this.

He is amazing at helping one navigate difficult times in their lives. He calls on both his Arachne and Spectral talents to act as a guide, helping one to re-find their path when they get lost in the darkness. He can bring a smile to their face and cheer one up when they are having a bad day. He can be very sweet and playful in an innocent way, though he can also be cheeky. Very, very cheeky.

He is incredible for dream work and has appeared to us in dreams, pulling us out into astral projections and showing us worlds he created himself. He is creative and an incredible manifestor. He can shift things in this world as well as in the astral and has a deep knowledge of working with energy for creation, healing and a variety of other reasons.

Vessel: Dendritic Opal and Black Onyx Sterling Silver Pendant

Offerings: E loves candles in the colors black, silver, grey, blue, aqua and white. He loves the scent of amber, copal, juniper, gardenia and jasmine. He loves silver tip tea and tea with jasmine. He loves honey. Gemstones he likes are Dendritic Opal and any other kind of opal, Onyx and iolite. He loves making jokes and making those around him laugh. He loves astral projecting and can take his companion to many interesting places. He also loves things that glow in the dark.

Appearance: He has both a Spider form and an ethereal Spectral form. He usually appears in his normal Demonic form, where he has pale skin, black hair, dark grey horns and stunning blue and silver eyes. In this form he has black and blue wings and a grey tail. He can change different parts of himself to a glowing blue, ethereal form. It’s very impressive to see and quite eye-catching. He sometimes changes his horns, wings and tail to ethereal too. He very often will appear with two different colored eyes, one his normal blue and silver, while the other turns black and has a deep, aqua blue glow emanating from it.

In his spider form he has grey horns, shimmering black skin with iridescent blue tones to it, 6 glittering silver eyes and silver markings. He does at times combine his ethereal Spectral form with his Arachne Spider form, changing his eyes, horns and other features or even his entire body to glow.

Boo Hag

This article was written by me October 5, 2012, and posted originally to the Creepy Hollows forum.

So if you’ve been reading my posts for a while on the public forum, you know I run a coven, and that we have both a public venue, and a private venue.

About a month ago, through the public venue, I was contacted by one couple (J and A), with a request to come to a public meet. I told them when the next public meet was, and they came.

J is just… Ick. Sucking black aura, and… some kind of foul stickybrownblack taint that I couldn’t quite put into words, and still can’t. Has yellow overtones, but not that pleasant air/intellect yellow, but almost pus-yellow. NASTY.

His wife A is… well, she’s a codependent empath, and a wreck. I’m sure I don’t need to say more.

My first assessment was that J is a psychic vampire, with no control. When he asked for training, I directed him to http://www.kheperu.org/index.html since I don’t deal with those issues. I DID offer to help his wife A to deal with her own psychic mess… but she’s so… insular? Introverted? That she never actually took me up on the offer. *shrugs* Whatever.

Having seen the mess the two of them were in, I made the recommendation to the coven that we keep an eye out, and offer assistance if needed, but that they shouldn’t be welcomed into the inner circle until they got their collective s#it together. I do NOT want a psyvamp in my coven. We’re packing a little too much tasty heat for that, lately.

The Mother of my Coven, R, took over taking care of the situation. She’s also Warrior, so she’s good for that sort of thing.

Oh, so you understand the structure… I am Maiden, and titular head of the Coven (it’s my baby – I started it over four years ago), R is Mother and Warrior, and S. is Crone. Between the three of us, we run the thing. The men trade off being Hunter and Guide… we’ve yet to find who really fits, so we’re waiting for those pieces of the puzzle to come along. S and I are air – she’s shadow, and I’m light. Sh and A are Earth, A is light, Sh is shadow. M and K are water – M is light, K is shadow. We’re still looking for the two for fire…they’re coming soon, but we don’t know who they’ll be. And R is Spirit shadow, but we’re still looking for Spirit Light. T, Rn, and Jf are our Black Dogs. Oh, and we’re not a religious coven… we’re strictly a Magickal Emergencies coven.

Anyway, that’s the basic layout… back to the story… R, as she went along, discovered that no, J is NOT a psyvamp… he’s actually being RIDDEN. We’re talking a multigenerational blood-curse, BA entity. J is an amplifier, so the entity has been using him to amp up the energy in those around him, and eating that energy THROUGH him… and it’s been with him so long that he actually thought it was just him in there. Only suddenly, the entity decides that… it’s done with him. Here’s this tasty baby, all light and innocent, just waiting. So the entity has decided to suck J dry, and when he dies, the entity will be released to jump to the next in the blood line – said infant.

SO… First step… WTF IS this thing? It’s not a demon. Did some research. He’s creole. Ok. Now we know where to look. We find… BooHag.

Oh, and their home is FILTHY – physically AND psychically… so we cannot just evict this entity from J… we have to clean, then cleanse, the entity’s NEST (their home) too, so that the entity CANNOT COME BACK.

Here’s the following research (all comments made by me to R in the process of scheduling cleaning, cleansing, exorcism, etc)… Just in case you ever need it.

“boo hag
a ghost or spirit that lurks around your house looking for someone to ride and take your skin. you may feel some weight on your back. They can enter through cracks in the wall or small crevices. The only way to get rid of it is to burn it by putting some needles in a jar and a little bit of dry skin, sleeping with a fork under your pillow, putting a broom by your door boohags will stop and count the straws,and putting a gun next to your bed boo hags can’t stand the smell of gun powder.Boo hags will steel your skin and take your breath so you cant talk out or scream. So when you wake up you might feel light headed or weak.”

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boo_Hag

http://americanfolklore.net/folklore/2010/05/boo_hag.html

Salt and pepper on the skin, sparklers or fireworks work, also open COLD IRON scissors under the bed. (Steel will work, but DO NOT use plastic ANYWHERE.) Put a large broom at every entrance (including windows), and little brooms beside every sleeper. New unused brooms. Can get them cheep from walmart right now because it’s Halloween.

A full cleaning, cleansing, clearing, banishing and REFILLING of him and his house. Again, the house NOT being CLEANED FIRST, the cleansing etc WILL NOT STICK… which means we’ll have gone through all this effort for nothing.

Also, perhaps we could find broomstick charms to hang on necklaces for the infant and Jon.

Actual Exorcism… mix equal parts gunpowder, salt and black pepper, and throw it on the victim.

So.. gotcha a name, and how to fix it.

NOTES:
The cleaning of the house… they have to wipe down the walls and clean out the cupboards – wipe down the insides and the doors, everything. They have to REALLY clean the house. Or they’ll end up reinfected in a month. If it’s not clean, I won’t bother doing this. I’ll protect the kid, and walk away.
They’re also probably going to have to do this cleansing every moon for a really long time… because it’s a generational bloodcurse, and the boohag may just be waiting in the background, for them to slip up and stop doing the cleansings and protections. The moment they let their attention slip, the moment they start letting their house get filthy physically and the psychic cleansings stop working, it’ll be back.
If at all possible, ALL FAMILY MEMBERS HAVE TO BE INVOLVED IN THE CLEANSING, the physical AND the spiritual. If Amanda does ALL of it, and he just sits around, it’s not going to work. The kids have to help by doing what they can, too.
I get that a baby can’t help, but the ones that can, MUST.
Even if it’s not actually helpful. lol
The ACT OF THEM BELIEVING they’re helping will provide them with protection.
Finally, they need to totally abstain from drugs and alchohol for six months after the exorcism – a boohag can use intoxication to reinfect.
The fact that this is multi-generational suggests that substance abuse is a BIG part of the problem, too. It makes it REALLY easy for the boohag to hop from body to body. It’s probably the catalyst to make the next target become the next vessel… until the target makes the right misstep to make itself vulnerable… The Boohag might wait to take full possession of the baby, only INFULENCING, until the baby makes the right wrong decision to jump into her. If that makes sense.

ALso… say the boohag destroys Jon… is it possible that the boohag maintains itself by inhabiting the ENABLER until the chosen vessel is READY? Is it part of the process, by influencing the mother to set the baby up so that when the baby gets old enough, the child will MAKE those missteps. Essentially keeping the cycle going by making sure that mom keeps dating fucked up druggie guys, which will screw up the kid.

I mean… it would be really easy to do. Just like… someone who comes from poverty and uneducated people, family who puts ZERO emphasis on education… the children don’t graduate from school because they end up staying home to do the housework and take care of the other children… they stay in poverty, they have no impetus to do anything else, they start drinking and doing drugs right away, they don’t go to college, they don’t improve themselves, and their parents encourage it… so they end up victims of things like this. It’s just easy. And then they go and do it to the next generation.

If the mother is INFLUENCED to set the baby up to fail like this… then the baby will be prime rib when it’s old enough to fall.

A lot of the time, when people talk about being cursed, they’re not actually cursed, so much as there are fucked up people creating more fucked up people. If you put the right dominoes in the right spots, you knock down the next person just like YOU were knocked over. It’s not so much a curse as it is a setup.

Also, a jar full of pins under the bed or beside the bed of anyone you wish to protect from this thing. Forgot to mention that.

AND – if you’re going to throw a handful of salt, pepper, and gunpowder at someone… take sensible precautions.

Finally… burning some exorcism herbs are a good idea here while you deal with evicting the entity from both the body and the home, followed by a lemon uncrossing spell, followed by smudging the crap out of both the house and the people, especially the victim, followed by a ritual cleansing bath for the victim that includes cleansing herbs and seasalt, followed by the burning of sweetgrass to bless the house.

Aftercare should include all the above on a monthly basis, plus the pins, scissors, brooms, etc as a precaution, plus wards, shields, a permanent protective circle, the appropriate crystals and metals scattered throughout the house to support the wards, shields and circle, possibly a few protective runes on the walls of the home, copious amounts of moon water for blessing the inhabitants of the home on a regular basis… you know, the usual. Oh, and a devil’s trap or several dozen. Just to be sure.

In the case of these two individuals, I chose not to recommend spirit keeping. She’s got four kids (the husband included) to look after, and she’s so squashed I doubt she’d do well by a spirit, even if a spirit would be good for HER. Second… he’s one of those people who just sits on his butt all day playing video games – he doesn’t cook, clean, or help with the kids. He doesn’t work (admittedly, he IS disabled). I wouldn’t normally have an issue with that – I’m disabled, so I understand. However, I still manage to do SOMETHING every day. He just plays WOW and mooches. And while he’s not currently using, he’s been to jail for meth – using, making, dealing. GRRR.

However… if you run across a case like this on your own… you may want to include keeping spirits, or various spelled items as a boost to what you’re already doing, and on an individual basis of assessment, that might be a good idea, or it might be a bad one. Use your best judgement.

Oh… and if you’re going to do something about something like this… make sure you’re not wasting your breath, your energy… in this case, I wouldn’t have even bothered, except that there was a baby in the mix. These two adults are their own biggest problems, and I’m more likely to let them sink, because they’re not worth my energy… but the infant… that’s an innocent. That IS my job. That IS worth my time and energy.

So… there you go. If you ever run into a BooHag… now you know. *plays The More You Know themesong*

 

The Inner Landscape Part 2

MagickFromtheMysts wrote:

The second will be a meeting space of some kind, where guidance can be sought – no guidance should ever be deliberately brought in – that is, you should never summon a spirit, ancestor, god, guide, or other metaphysical entity into your soul’s home. If they have permission to be there, they will be able to arrive at the meeting place set aside for such things. If they do not have permission to be there, there are reasons and unless you are very skilled and very comfortable with your ownership of your garden, you should not invite them.

darkwing wrote:

This is interesting : )
Can you explain more about the risks and maybe examples of the negative effects of inviting entities to the garden? And what to do to remedy those effects?

 

OK… I want to start out by saying, I’m sorry.

I have been practicing magick my entire life. Magick is so second-nature to me that sometimes, I fail to recognize what actually constitutes advanced practice, and what is safe for general consumption.

When I first read your comments, I had a strong emotional reaction, because to me, the risks are self-evident, and the remedies also. As an author, I have failed my audience and I deeply regret that.

However, having opened this can of worms, I think it’s best that I participate in the damage control, simply because this post is already out here, and people have already read it.

Thank you for giving me this opportunity to grow.

That being said, on to the meat of your questions.

THE RISKS –

I’m not sure what you know about Possession. The image that you are exploring in this concept isn’t just your imagination. It is literally an image of your soul which you can interact with. Those interactions have consequences. Your Inner Landscape IS YOUR SOUL. If you invite something into your soul that does not already have an invitation, it’s possession.

Possession can ONLY occur when you agree to it, BECAUSE it happens to your body and your soul. I know that sounds like blaming the victim, but it really isn’t. Just because you’re tricked into saying yes, didn’t know what you were doing, does not make you less a victim. Also, most beings are not interested in possessions because bodies are freaking messy. When I say that possession requires permission, I mean that absolutely, because this is your body, your soul, your spirit, you… you have complete control over permissions about what happens. You own yourself – no one else does.

Exorcisms, believe it or not, are actually mostly theatrical, to convince the person under the influence that they actually do have control and that they have permission to say NO. The moment the victim says no, the possession ends. Needing to believe that a god is on your side and supporting you saying no is sometimes an essential part of taking back control. The fight over control can be dramatic, because the person possessed isn’t just fighting the entity, but also themselves. In the most damaging cases of possession, the victim is almost always a deeply spiritual person who has been convinced by years of training that they are a victim to the spiritual forces in the world, that they do not have control over their souls or their bodies or their fate. These people need theatrics to convince them that they have a power on their side which gives them permission to fight back.

This is also why many exorcisms are unsuccessful. If you already believe you have no power over what happens to you, if you already believe that only external beings have the right to say what happens to you, then it becomes a question of who you believe is stronger. If you do not feel enough support from your faith, the exorcism will fail because you believe that the entity possessing you is stronger than you and your support.

There are sacred experiences of possession – by Loa, gods, etc. These experiences are based on very specific general terms for the practitioner undergoing such possessions, and if you choose to allow something like this, setting healthy boundaries are very important. As a person who has been Morrigan’s Horse a time or two without understanding that I needed to set boundaries, I can attest to the fact that if you are not careful to talk with the possessing being, and set those boundaries, the experience is decidedly uncomfortable, as are the results.

As a person who has been possessed by a being that was NOT a deity, I can also say that the experience is uncomfortable for everyone involved. Long term possession ends in the destruction of the body simply because the possessing being wants OUT. It’s as much a trap for them as it is for you.

 

Everyone that enjoys a human experience has a spiritual crew that works with and for them. This crew includes ancestors, guides, and deities. It includes messengers and teachers, both of the temporary and long term varieties. Your crew and your own soul, who both know most about your journey through this lifetime, know what you need most to experience and learn, and what you do not. Access directly into your soul image is strictly limited by both your crew and your soul to keep you safe, and prevent you from being drawn out of your journey. I’m not saying that possession isn’t part of the journey for some people, but I am saying that it can be a distraction, and possession by some beings, especially long term possession, can be destructive enough that you end up having to start all over again. Sometimes, that’s what people choose – the movie about Emily Rose expresses that quite clearly. She chose to die possessed because she believed that being possessed and losing her life would strengthen the faith of other Catholics. Again, you see CHOICE.

 

When you are in your Soul Garden and you are interacting with the deepest essence of yourself, with what is really true about you, when you meet a guide there, whatever that guide appears to be, it is something that your soul and your spiritual Crew have decided is safe for you to have in your garden. The invitations are temporary, and job specific. Sometimes, the guides are actually aspects of your own self. Sometimes the experiences and lessons of the guides allowed into your Soul’s Home are difficult, even painful, but they will always be absolutely necessary to your growth as a person, and to your healing.

Shamans and healing practitioners can gain access to your Inner Landscape. Again, it’s with permission. They cannot enter without it – even if they mean well. This protects you from beings and people that will alter your core self against your purposes. MANIPULATION OF THE SOUL IMAGE CHANGES WHO YOU ARE.

Just think about that for a moment. I’m sure you will understand how dangerous inviting something in that did not already have permission can be. Inviting something into your soul image is literally giving permission for things to change, even corrupt, the essential you.

 

As to how you remedy the effects of a corrupted soul garden – that’s simple, and at the same time, so complicated I’m really not sure how to explain it. The concept of absolute control is difficult for most people to comprehend, but in your Soul Image, you have that. Unequivocally, you own yourself. This means that if the soul image is corrupted, while others who have permission can enter your soul garden and help you fight back, ultimately, it’s you that must do the fighting, and you that must clean up your house… and because soul images are so deeply personal, how you do that will also be specific to you.

If someone or something entered my soul garden and the consequences were not acceptable to me, my entire garden would rise up and fight back. The very roots, the weather, my whole being would fight to remain whole and uncorrupted. Whether the source of that corruption would survive to be evicted or not, whether I would survive or not, the very landscape of my soul would fight. But, I’m familiar with my landscape. I know how to make it fight. I’ve worked with it long enough, it’s instinctive. So are my boundaries, my protections.

If your image of your soul is a car, and something breaks, you have to think like a mechanic to fix it. If your image of your soul is a cave and something enters that does not belong, how would that cave, or anything in it, fight to evict that thing? If your image of your soul is that of a planet, would you use the lessons from the movie Avatar to fight? You use what you know.

The issue here is that imagery of the soul, and reactions of the soul, are so terribly personal and based on your experiences and understanding of yourself and your universe. It’s YOUR language that you’re speaking there.

To explain how personal, I’m going to use an example from a book on dreams I read so long ago I cannot quote the source. The example goes like this:

You have a dream where the color blue is a major figure. Blue, for most people, has a standard meaning of healing or tranquility. However, in your past, you experienced a tragic car accident. The car that destroyed your life at that time was blue. In your dreams now, the color blue always has that attached emotional burden – blue means tragedy and trauma to you. This is how your language forms.

When I say you have to do research, I don’t just mean that when you see a bee hive in your soul home that you look up the meaning of bees in dream symbology and what a bee totem symbolizes, what that guidance might suggest to you… I also mean that you should look to yourself. If you’re highly allergic to bees, then bee means something different to you than it does to most of rest of the collective unconscious. If you saw someone die, or saw someone seriously hurt because of bees, that meaning will carry over.

In psychology, the term is Media. All words, all images have media attached. I’ve used this example before, but it fits here, too. When I say Knife, and say Kitchen – immediately the image of knife has a load of media attached which is very specific. Knife on its own can have a multitude of images, feelings, baggage, but the moment you add a secondary media to it, the meaning codifies into something recognizable and solid. When I say Knife and Alley, the meaning changes. When I say Knife and Table, the meaning changes again. When I say Knife and Artist, without a third word, there is a load of possibilities. I could say Knife, Artist, and Wood, and you immediately get meaning from that which is specific again. If I say Knife, Artist, and Movie, then again, another host of possibilities occur.

All of these meanings are attached to the word Knife, to the image of a knife. All these possibilities. Which means that Knife means all these concepts. That’s media. And every word, every concept, every symbol – colors, stones, plants, objects, people, deities, EVERYTHING, is laden with its own media. The trick when working with dreams, and with your soul image, is to understand your own personal world of media, and how it is similar to the collective understanding of media, and how it is individual to your own experiences – where it differs.

Once you are able to understand your own personal language, you are capable of doing anything you wish in your Soul Home. If you have a phobia of bees, you know when bees appear that you are confronting that phobia, the roots of it – where the phobia began – you are being confronted with that media, for a very specific reason. The eviction of those bees from your landscape will involve you using your ability to manipulate your inner landscape and the media involved. If you feel the color blue expresses trauma, when you see something in your soul garden that is blue, it is an invitation to work with that trauma. Say your image is that of a sunlit forest, and as you’re walking, you come across a swath of blue material caught on the undergrowth. Are there more patches and do you follow that path? Do you unravel it? Do you take it and dye it? What do you do? Why? What does that swath of blue material mean? Why is it there?

You see, now, why defense of the garden is SO individual that I cannot explain it beyond these general terms, I’m sure. However, the more you work within your Soul Home, the easier such things will become.

Every step is the beginning of another journey. Walk brightly and with beauty.
-Raven

The Inner Landscape

It has been referred to as the Soul’s Garden, the Soul Home, the Inner Temple, the Inner Landscape, and many other ways. It is, in essence, our internal record of our deepest selves made manifest by imagery.

There are many ways to reach the Inner Landscape, and many layers to the landscape itself. There are also some commonalities among all landscapes.

The usual approach to entering the inner landscape uses a visual access point, such as a cave, tree knot, tunnel, doorway, or other symbolic entrance, with the express intent of entering the Self. In varying terms, this is called Entering the Dreaming Way, Journeying, The Journey to the Underworld, The Journey through the Tree of Life, etc. Always it is referred to with the idea of gateways leading to a myriad of realms, our current state of awareness being only one of an infinite multitude. Your entrance into your inner landscape must be of your own devising, because it is YOUR landscape, so individual to yourself that only you can find your own gateway to it, though if you are used to a journeying process, while the doorway will be unique, the mechanics will be the same. For the sake of those new to the process, journeying is the act of using the mind to travel. It is not a difficult process – as long as you have daydreamed, you have traveled. Controlling how you travel, when, and where you go is the challenging aspect to begin with. Intent must always be the guide.

It is simplest to visualize a doorway – any door image will do, though I personally prefer to make my doorways unique and appealing to my aesthetics – that either symbolizes your travel intentions, or bears symbology upon it. For instance, a door with a window, whose view looks out into the place you wish to travel to; a door with a tarot card upon it that symbolizes the aspects you wish to face; a door with the appropriate symbols for the realm – sephiroth, elemental, runic, etc. The realms and your own grasp of cosmology and symbolism are all you need. The chakras, energy centers throughout the body centered around nerve clusters, have also been used as symbolic gateways, with the two most often used being the heart nadir over the thymus glad, and the mental eye, centered over the pineal gland. A visualization of a spiral staircase, or even an elevator, with floor numbers which represent layers of the self, or layers of reality as understood by the traveler, will also work. The shamanic version is even simpler – any dark opening into the earth such as a cave, into the depths of a tree through a hollow, even a tunnel that you dig for yourself, will do – as long as your intent for where the opening will lead you is clear before you begin your travel.

Once you have your doorway and you have set your destination clearly in your mind, simply enter. You may have to go a distance, or you may simply arrive immediately at your chosen destination. You may need to wait for the door’s permission to cross – there are realms that require specific rituals, there are guardians to be appeased, challenges to be met, but for the Inner Landscape, travel and arrival should be fairly simple. If you are unused to journeying, moving beyond this step in the beginning is not recommended.

Your Inner Landscape is a reflection of yourself. It should be instantly recognizable. It is also malleable to an extent. Your psychological and spiritual challenges, perspectives, and behavior will be described through the imagery you find there. For instance, a person who is closed off, highly protective of themselves, may find themselves in a small, defined and confined space, such as a closed cave. The structures do not have to be natural. I met someone who’s soul garden began as a metallic half-domed structure, including the floor, which was all of one piece. The internal space (there was no exterior) was completely empty. It took this person a lot of emotional work to change this image into something more open and workable. I have read descriptions of other Inner Landscapes which included barren moons, deserts, English gardens, rainforests, ocean reefs, and even once an exotic nebula.

For most people, the area will also include several structures. The most obvious of these structures will be some form of protective barrier, which keeps the soul’s home from being interfered with by others who do not have your best interests in mind. The second will be a meeting space of some kind, where guidance can be sought – no guidance should ever be deliberately brought in – that is, you should never summon a spirit, ancestor, god, guide, or other metaphysical entity into your soul’s home. If they have permission to be there, they will be able to arrive at the meeting place set aside for such things. If they do not have permission to be there, there are reasons and unless you are very skilled and very comfortable with your ownership of your garden, you should not invite them. The third aspect will be a place of travel to other realms. This place may not be immediately obvious if you are not yet familiar with other realms or with journeying.

There are several things to be noted about the soul’s home aside from its general appearance, which will indicate where you are on your spiritual journey, and what work you should be focused on at this time. Firstly – this is YOUR space. It is absolutely malleable to your will. If ever you find something in your inner landscape that you do not feel comfortable with, you hold absolute control, and can effectively evict such problems. You are absolutely defensible there, simply because your own consciousness holds such sway. Secondly, this is a place for deep reflection and healing. Any changes you feel need to be made, as you make them, will change yourself – likewise, what occurs in your own life will be reflected in your self-image here. If you do find something which you evict, be prepared for the experience in your waking life.

It is important to pay attention to correspondences here. Because the language of the unconscious is so symbolic, anything and EVERYTHING in your Inner Landscape is a message. Animals, plants, stones, metals, constellations, weather – whatever you discover in your Soul’s Home, whatever draws your focus, it will have meaning for you. Even size and location have meaning here, so pay close attention and take the time to discover yourself, and your own language. Research what you find draws your attention most, and you will find that it has a unique bearing on your current psychological, emotional, and even practical life.

It is NOT advisable that  you begin to make changes when you enter your Inner Landscape for the first time. It is best that you explore and research what you find as much as possible before beginning to make changes, if you feel so moved. Do not be surprised if, as you begin to work with your Soul Image, drastic emotional shifts occur. Be prepared for them. As you come to recognize your true self, and whatever issues you have that are preventing your growth, as you begin to address these, rapid – sometimes even violent – shifts can occur. Be gentle with yourself when these moments happen. Acknowledge them, process them, and do not resist them. The more you work with your Soul Image, the more it will change, becoming richer as your understanding of yourself and your own language grows, and as you deliberately begin to make changes.

Journeying into your Soul’s Home is deeply meaningful, and working within it is extremely enriching to your spiritual and emotional life. The Inner Landscape is a place to meditate and commune with yourself and your deepest needs, desires, and experiences. It is a place for you to come to an understanding of who you are, where you are in your life, and where you are going – and it is a place to heal your deepest hurts from. It is a place of strength and growth, a place to honor yourself and your journey, a place where your true self is expressed and where you can begin to control, eventually, how you interact with both yourself and the wider world, spiritually, emotionally, and literally.

Welcome Home.

-Raven

Soul Retrieval

Throughout life, we all go through things that affect us at a deep level. Some events affect us more than others. Sometimes, something happens that causes a shift in our perception of reality, and changes our personality, even if just in a small way. When this happens, if the event is traumatic, in essence, a piece of the Self has been lost during that experience.

Soul Retrieval is a Shamanic practice that allows a person, when they are ready, to go back to the moment of loss, and recollect themselves. Because in Shamanism, healing is always two-fold – spiritual AND physical, Shamans recognize that there are times when a loss is so great, the physical body can become weaker, allowing dis-ease in. While it is always important to treat the physical issues one might have, it is also important to repair the spiritual health of a person so that they can better recover from their illnesses of mind or body.

Soul Retrieval can be done for you by anyone who has been trained. It requires Shamans to walk in the Other World, through time and space. They must go to the place and time where the original soul injury occurred, and they must collect that piece of you, bring it back into the physical world, and place it back into your body, your energy. However, they do not work alone. Not only are their spirit guides a part of this process, but YOU are the most important part.

During a Soul Retrieval, you are drawn back into the memory of the moment, with the Shaman. You may not actually see the Shaman working, because your focus is on yourself during the process. You may watch the events that caused the fracture, or you may arrive to deal with the aftermath. You must approach your old self, the piece of you that was lost, and you must convince it to come home to you.

Case Study:

Justin has difficulty asking for help. He cannot believe that other people are reliable. As a result, he often takes on too much in his life, and cannot admit when he has difficulty coping. He decides to seek a shaman. He tells the shaman when the problem first started. Ten years before, he was dealing with health problems. He had a bad reaction to a medication he was on – it made him extremely dizzy, and he kept losing his breath and falling. His boyfriend at the time was also going through some troubles, and was self-medicating in order to cope. One night, after Justin had taken his medicine, he collapsed in the kitchen while getting a cup of tea. The tea fell on him, and he was badly burned. He called out to his boyfriend, who was in the bedroom asleep. His boyfriend did not wake, because of his self-medicating. Justin was forced to crawl to his bathroom to treat his burns, and then crawl back to the kitchen to clean up the broken glass and spilled tea. His feeling of helplessness, coupled with his realization that he was on his own and had no one he could truly depend on, wounded him deeply.

He and his shaman discussed the event. In preparation for the Soul Retrieval, the room that they would use was cleansed, blessed, and sacred space was erected. Justin was smudged by the Shaman, and then he, in turn, smudged the Shaman. Justin was instructed to lie down on the floor on his back, in as comfortable a position as possible. A crystal was placed on his sacral plexus, the chakra where we connect to all people, places, things, ideas, and events. The shaman keeps a second crystal in their hands. Both the Shaman and Justin lay down on the floor, side by side.

The shaman did not bring a drummer to this event, so instead, they used a drumming CD, which had both single and double drumming, as well as a call-back drumming ending. As they lay side by side, the Shaman instructed Justin to listen to the drums, and to breathe to the rhythm. Justin entered a trance state with the Shaman, and their breathing began to sync up as the Shaman and Justin, on their separate journeys, came to the event that caused the fracture in Justin’s soul.

Justin arrived in the kitchen. He saw himself sitting against one wall of the kitchen, feeling lost. He sat down, and began to talk to his old self about his life in the here-and-now. Justin is married now. The man he is married to is very caring. He looks after Justin. Justin knows that whatever happens, his husband will be there, helping him. Justin mentions several experiences where this has proved true. He and his old self comfort each other with the understanding that things are better now, and the soul piece agrees to come home. They merge.

At this moment, the Shaman collects the soul piece in the crystal they have had with them on the journey. The shaman returns to their own body in the here-and-now. The shaman stands up, and walks to Justin’s head. He takes the crystal with Justin’s soul piece, and places it above Justin’s head. He then blows the soul piece out of the crystal, and into Justin’s body through his crown chakra.

Justin slowly comes out of trance with the sound of the call-back signal on the drumming CD. He has a very emotional moment. He is warned that he must nurture himself carefully over the next few days, while the soul piece reintegrates. There are times when a soul retrieval is successful, but a lack of self-awareness and self-care can cause the piece to be lost again, because integration takes time.

Over the next few days, Justin’s outlook changes. He feels more trusting of his husband, and is more willing to ask for help. After some time, it is as if he never had troubles with these aspects of life.

Soul Retrieval can also be done through journeying without a shamanic practitioner acting as a guide, though it is considered an advanced practice, and is not recommended for beginners. Traveling to a lost soul piece has its own trials, ones that the shamanic practitioner has been trained to deal with. Sometimes, there are tests and challenges in the journey, because the spirit and the subconscious throw up blocks. Soul Retrieval is not an easy, or smooth process. It can leave you feeling extremely emotionally fragile  and off-balance afterwards. This is why it is normally better to have a shamanic practitioner trained in soul retrieval and the necessary after-care to do this for you.

That being said, if you are comfortable Journeying on your own, and if you truly feel ready, and are being drawn towards a soul retrieval, it is important that you honor that recovery.

Case Study:

Jillian is having troubles with her heart. She has developed pulmonary hypertension – her anxiety causes difficulty breathing, and syncopated heart rhythms. She has trouble connecting with others.

Jillian is on the autistic spectrum, and it went undiagnosed for most of her life. She has trouble recognizing social signals, and does not cope with her emotions. She has extreme dissociative events. Because of the circumstances of her experiences as an undiagnosed child, she grew to believe that she was unlikeable. her extremely low self-confidence led to a series of relationships that only deepend her beliefs.

Eighteen years ago, Jillian had a child. Her autism made it difficult to care for the child – she was constantly loud, and always needed to be held. Because of Jillian’s autism, so much loud noise and so much touching was physically and emotionally draining. She was extremely stressed, and found it difficult to bond with her new baby.

However, it wasn’t the baby’s fault, so Jillian did her best to look after her child, and give what she could of the child’s needs, willingly experiencing the discomfort, despite the struggle waging inside herself. One day, while she was taking care of her child, Jillian looked into her eyes, and saw the child looking back at her. It was such a knowing look… as if she could see all the way through Jillian. Her child saw all the bad, and the good, and loved it all. She loved her mother.

Jillian had never felt such unconditional emotion from anyone. It changed her mind about herself. It changed her life. In that moment, she found herself beautiful.

Several years later, Jillian was dealing with extreme financial difficulties. She asked her family to take care of her little girl, and the family agreed. However, soon after, they received a job offer out of state. Jillian couldn’t afford to move, and she still couldn’t afford to provide a stable home for her daughter. Her family moved, and her daughter went with them.

This event was extremely traumatic. It resulted in an extreme unwillingness in Jillian to connect in a meaningful way to anyone else, ever again. Even people she knew loved her deeply, who gave all of themselves to her, only received the surface of her. She was unable to give, unable to love deeply, unable to share herself.

As she began to realize how damaging this was to her sense of self, she realized that she wanted to open up. She began working, through a series of meditations, to open her heart. Eventually, she had a breakthrough.

During a meditation, she found herself back at the moment she learned that her family was going to take her daughter out of the state, and that she would not see her daughter for a long time. She met herself at that moment. Her old self appeared to be burned, all over, skin, hair, teeth, eyes, her whole self blackened by the fires of loss. She huddled in the corner of her world, and keened. Jillian knelt down by her old self, her burned self. She began talking about her daughter, who is now nearly an adult. She talked about the times they spent together now, playing video games, sharing their favorite books with each other. It wasn’t enough. Jillian realized that her old self was holding onto the idea that only her daughter could love her, and only her daughter made her loveable, and that was why she couldn’t recover.

Several years before her soul retrieval, Jillian had been in a relationship with a man who was using her. She loved him, and didn’t really believe she was being used. However, as with all relationships, eventually, an event occurred that proved to her that her boyfriend did not respect her and did not care for her thoughts or opinions. She realized in that moment that SHE DID care. That she respected herself, enough that his treatment of her was no longer acceptable. She realized she no longer loved her boyfriend, but she also discovered that she did love herself, and she left him.

During her soul retrieval, Jillian realized that in order to recover this piece of herself and continue to heal, she needed to be honest. She explained to her past self what she had learned from her ex-boyfriend. She shared that sense of self-worth, love, and respect with her old self. Slowly, her old self uncurled from her huddled position. They embraced, and they merged, the soul fragment grateful to return to loving home.

As you can see, Soul Retrieval requires total honesty. If you are truly not ready for it, even with the help of a shamanic practitioner, it may not happen – or if the retrieval is successful, it may not last. Also, the work is not done, once you have recovered the fragment of yourself. You must nurture it, and care for the discoveries you make about yourself during the experience. You must honor the lessons.

Jillian, prior to her soul retrieval, had done considerable, intensive work on her soulscape. She had been working inside the soul home of her heart chakra, breaking down the walls, digging up the soil, preparing her soulscape for the garden to come. After her retrieval, she continued this work. She was finally able to take down most of the walls around her heart’s home, and slowly, those spiritual tasks began to change her in emotional and physical ways. She had less anxiety, her heart troubles and breathing issues slowly faded, and she began to work on her relationships with her friends and family.

Justin, on the other hand, did no real work before his soul retrieval, and after his soul fragment was returned, he continued to retreat from others. He became more determined that he could not depend on anyone other than himself, and as a result, suffered a breakdown due to stress.

These results are not due to the process – they are not due to whether or not you have an experienced practitioner helping you. Soul Retrieval, whether you are helped by someone trained, or you do it yourself, requires you to be responsible afterwards for the pieces of you that you bring back. It requires you to truly honor and care for those pieces, and to include them into your life in the here-and-now. If you do not, the problem will remain, and may worsen.

If you decide that you need a soul retrieval, it is your choice whether you learn to do it for yourself, or you contact someone with training. Before the actual retrieval occurs, however, it is recommended that you do some serious ground-work. This may require therapy, and a lot of personal spiritual work. Ultimately, your dedication to yourself will make the experience worth it.

Deepest blessings –

-Raven

 

Psychic Attack

This is a long one, guys. Bear with me.

I would like to start this post out with some cautionary advice. It is not unusual for people new to metaphysics, or, for that matter, general practitioners to some extent, to experience SOME symptoms of psychic attack. One of the greatest difficulties for a person diagnosing themselves is the fact that, when life is difficult and you are under a great deal of stress, the desire to ascribe cause to someone or something other than yourself or simply the general unfairness of life, is strong… and once you begin to believe that your circumstances are being controlled by some force outside yourself, the tendency towards hysteria is also strong.

Please understand – I am NOT saying that if you believe you are under attack, that you aren’t. I’m not saying that you’re being irrational.

I’m saying that when things go wrong, it is human nature to look for a cause, usually outside yourself. Only a few hundred years ago, an eclipse such as the one that will soon be upon us, caused people to assume that their gods were ending the world. We have always looked for gods, demons, forces outside ourselves, whom we pray have control of this madly spinning ball… because if no one is driving the bus, the cold hard terror we feel is unbearable.

So. Today I’m going to talk about the actual symptoms of psychic attack – how to truly diagnose it in yourself or another… and I’m going to talk about solutions.

A true psychic attack is a violation. If you’ve ever had your house broken into, you know that afterwards, there is a sense of not being safe in your own home. The place you retreat to, your den, your symbol of peace, your nest – is no longer yours. It is open to the universe, and the universe is random. Anything can happen now. “ANYTHING” is a very frightening word, when you are considering your own personal security. If you’ve ever had someone attack your body, you experience a similar shock. Your body is no longer yours – it is not your temple, it is your cage – and anyone can steal from you again, at any time. When I talk about psychic attack as violation, this is what I mean. Our spirits, souls, minds – those are ours. We might sometimes share pieces of them with others, but it is always OUR CHOICE what we share, or even IF. When you experience true psychic attack, just as with home invasions or a dominating physical attack, that sense of security is gone.

What is left behind after such an attack is what is left behind by any similar attack on that which you hold closest to you. There’s very little emotion after a psychic attack – there’s shock, and there’s desolation. The stark difference between the aftermath of an actual psychic attack, and the drama and heightened emotions that occur in situations where psychic attack is merely assumed to be the trouble, is so obvious that once you’ve seen it, you will always know the difference between a true psychic attack, and mere worry.

The first step in diagnosing psychic attack is simple. You do not call what’s happening a psychic attack. The reason for this is that the moment you call something a psychic attack, you exclude all other possibilities in your mind. It’s important to understand that the very act of observing a phenomenon can make it true, and by making one idea true above all others, your ability to consider those other potentialities is negated by your own emotional dedication to your perception of that truth. It’s absolutely vital that when attempting to diagnose psychic attack you do NOT allow your emotions to get involved. Even if you are the possible victim, you need to be willing to step back, and truly assess the situation to the best of your ability. Heightened emotions will cloud your judgement.

Once you have let your emotions lie still, begin with the facts that can be proven without a doubt. What are the things that are going wrong that has caused you to wonder if this experience is psychic attack? What are things that are NOT going wrong? If you remove metaphysics from the equation, what are some possible reasons why these things are going right, or wrong, in this experience? What abilities do you have to affect change in these situations – do you have control, even if it’s just over your reactions? How did these experiences come to be – break it down into steps. Finally, and I know no one really wants to talk about this, but it is important – is the person experiencing the potential psychic attack emotionally unstable, or mentally ill. If they are, does their instability or illness include experiences such as periods of paranoia, auditory or visual hallucinations, do they have delusions of either empowerment or victimhood? Are these contributing to their sense of being psychically attacked IN ANY WAY?

Quote:
CASE STUDY:
Sally believes she’s a victim of psychic attack. She recently lost her job, her boyfriend is drinking more and it’s causing some stressful confrontations. Her car broke down out on HWY 6 last night, and she had to walk to a gas station 4 miles up the road to call for a tow, because her cellphone died. Her teenage son got in trouble at school last week, and is at home on suspension. She feels stressed out all the time, like the world is on her shoulders. She had a fight with her best girlfriend about religion during a conversation started about how frustrated and helpless she’s been feeling lately, because her friend told her that it was “God’s Will” that all these things happen now… and now she thinks that her friend is attacking her.

Here’s the other side of things. Sally’s company hasn’t been doing well. It’s a local business, and times are hard. Sally is often emotional because of stress in her homelife, and that means that at work, she’s less efficient that usual, and her work is of lower quality. The company needs to let a few people go, and Sally is one of the ones chosen. She was offered a severance package, a list of potential employers, and a letter of recommendation.

Sally’s boyfriend is an alcoholic. He works temporary jobs around town, and when he gets paid, he drinks. He doesn’t cope well with life, because his childhood was a difficult one, so he drinks to feel better. Unfortunately, because his childhood was also a violent one, when he drinks, all the anger he feels, all the helplessness, comes welling out of him, and he can be dangerous. Sally stays with him because she feels that he is still a good person deep inside, who just needs to face his issues head on. She thinks that if they love each other enough, he can change.

Sally’s car is 16 years old. Because of her uncertain income, and her own lack of experience with cars in general, she does not provide regular maintenance to the car. Her warning lights have been on for awhile, but she is so distracted by so many other things, that she has been ignoring them.
Sally’s phone is on, all the time. She is very busy on many social media sites, and she uses her phone constantly. She often has to charge it twice a day. Because of the chaos in her life right now, she’s been less diligent about keeping a charger in the car.

Sally’s teenage son has been being bullied. Because of his homelife, he didn’t feel that he could speak up about it. Eventually, things at school built to a point where he became extremely emotionally reactive… and he decided to fight back. He was caught fighting, and was suspended for two weeks.

Sally’s best friend is a very devout Pentecostal. She believes that everything has the hand of her god on it, both the good and the bad. She also believes that if you don’t acknowledge the power of her god, then you are in danger. She believes it her personal duty to save her friend. Sally has been exploring new age beliefs, and her friend is afraid for her, and tells Sally that her whole church have been praying for her to stop “letting the devil into her life,” and that all these things that are happening are “God’s Will,” so Sally will see the error of her ways and change.

When you really break it down, when you REALLY look at the whole picture… you can see that Sally is NOT being attacked. She has made choices – she has ignored problems, she has avoided the things she is responsible for. When you make choices like that, the consequences are that those problems grow until you are forced to be responsible… most often at a time that is the least convenient for you.

Because Sally thinks that all these things are happening because her friend’s church is praying for her to change her ways, she gets to blame all of these problems, not on her own derelictions, but on that church, on those people. She’s not in control, so it’s not her fault any of this is happening. It’s all happening TO her, and someone with power over her is ruining her life.

You can see, when it’s broken down like that, how the belief in psychic attack can mean that you remove other possibilities from the table. You can also see that Sally LEPT at the chance to abrogate responsibility, to assign it to a God and a group of people “siccing their God on her.” This essentially means that she can continue to avoid her own responsibilities… which unfortunately perpetuates this cycle of psychic hysteria.

Conclusion? This is not truly psychic attack.

Now let’s talk about what IS a psychic attack.

Quote:
CASE STUDY:
Caitlynn is a very happy, extremely social person. She’s giving and kind. She’s respectful. She believes the best in people. She’s recently married and has started a business. Her friends are strongly supportive, she’s active in her community. She’s engaging and intelligent, and people often come to her for advice. She feels like an important addition to her group – she feels valued.

Caitlynn has some minor health issues. They are normally not enough to cause trouble in her life. She’s always been able to, even when her health isn’t the best, push through, and still enjoy her friends, her relationships, her life.

Suddenly, for no discernable medical reason, her health begins to fail in a major way. The doctors run test after test. She sees 8 specialists in two months. No one can tell her what is happening, or why. The problem continues, and slowly, she begins to have difficulty socializing. She starts to put things off at work, because she is too tired. Her beliefs about people undergo a radical change – she stops believing that people are basically good. She stops being giving. She stops talking. She stops praying. She stops doing any activity that she used to be passionate about. Her personality changes almost overnight.

Caitlynn begins having nightmares. In the dreams, she experiences violent attacks. When she wakes up, she has strange marks on her body. Scratches, bruises, and other odd things. She begins seeing things that aren’t there. Sometimes there are foul smells that she cannot find the cause of. Sometimes, her things move when she’s not looking. She starts to feel more and more disorganized. She has memory troubles. She feels a constant pressure on her chest – a sense of doom everywhere she goes. She begins having panic attacks.

Caitlynn is hospitalized, and again, the doctors can find nothing wrong with her. They prescribe treatments for her anxiety, and send her home.

Within a month of arriving home, Caitlynn is… gone. She sits on her couch and stares at the walls for hours, but sees nothing. Her husband and other friends attempt to communicate with her. She does not answer them, or if she does, she answers hours later. She feels as if she’s been swallowed by a darkness, and what she experiences has to filter through that, so that it takes her awhile to even recognize someone is talking to her. Many conversations, she simply sees no reason for, and will not participate in them. She forgets to eat, because she never feels hungry. She forgets to drink fluids, because she’s never thirsty. She forgets to bathe, because time has no meaning for her, so the normal patterns of life also have no meaning.

She feels nothing. She is desolate. She is empty. She is no more.

Caitlynn was the victim of a psychic attack. For most of the time she was being attacked, she didn’t believe she was under attack, which is fairly common. When she finally did try to get help, people did not believe her. Most people who are victims of true psychic attack have trouble getting people to believe them, partly because they have trouble believing themselves, but mostly because there are so many people who claim to be experiencing attacks who aren’t. It’s a bit like the boy who cried wolf – after so many people cry wolf, when the wolf comes, no one believes in wolves anymore.

This is the clear difference between people who THINK they’re being attacked, and people who actually ARE. What a person under attack goes through is deeply traumatic. It is a VIOLATION of who they are. The more severe the attack, the more likely that the person you knew before the attack will not be the person who comes out the other side. Some people die, literally… some, like Caitlynn, die a psychological death. Once you’re dead, it’s hard to come back from that. It takes a very long time… and if you do manage it… YOU WILL NEVER FEEL SAFE AGAIN.

Anything you associate with that period of your life will cause you anxiety. It takes enormous personal strength and willpower to be willing to pick up the pieces of the life-that-was, and try again. And it takes TIME. Your physical health, your emotional health, and your spiritual health must recover… and your personality must be rebuilt. Recovery can take years… and parts of you may never recover.

Now that you’ve seen the two examples, let’s talk details.

The symptoms of psychic attack are as follows:

  • – The victim feels a crushing weight upon his chest and a sense of fear and paranoia.
    – As the attack continues over days, weeks, or months, the victim is afflicted with nervous exhaustion. With that may come a physical deterioration.
    – Upon awakening, the victim discovers bruises which cannot be accounted for by any conscious waking experience. The bruises may have a definite pattern, depicting a form with some symbolic significance suggestive, for example, of evil.
    – Foul odors inexplicably appear. Strange footprints starting suddenly and ending just as abruptly are observed. Odd sounds and poltergeist manifestations occur.

Once you understand the real difference, including the most obvious sign, which is the emotional state (or lack of one) in a potential case, go back to that list of questions from the beginning of this article.

  • 1) What are the things that are going wrong that has caused you to wonder if this experience is psychic attack?
    2) What are things that are NOT going wrong?
    3) If you remove metaphysics from the equation, what are some possible reasons why these things are going right, or wrong, in this experience?
    4) What abilities do you have to affect change in these situations – do you have control, even if it’s just over your reactions?
    5) How did these experiences come to be – break it down into steps.
    6) Finally, and I know no one really wants to talk about this, but it is important – is the person experiencing the potential psychic attack emotionally unstable, or mentally ill. If they are, does their instability or illness include experiences such as periods of paranoia, auditory or visual hallucinations, do they have delusions of either empowerment or victimhood? Are these contributing to their sense of being psychically attacked IN ANY WAY?

Once you have answers to these questions, it is easy to see which cases are genuine, and which are not. This does not necessarily reassure those who are not being attacked but believe that they are. If you tell them that they’re not being attacked, they will most likely keep looking until they find someone who will support them in their belief that their problems are not their own fault. Be prepared for those types of people who will lash out angrily when you essentially question their way of life.

So. If a case is genuine, if a person is truly under psychic attack… what can you do?

  • 1) Stay grounded. It is important that you allow any negative energies that are around you or inside you a place to go that isn’t YOU anymore. Being grounded means that you can exchange energy with the earth, one of the most capable alchemists when it comes to transmutation of energies. Also, being firmly rooted will strengthen your own aura and energetic systems to be able to withstand the attacks, so they do less damage.
    2) ASK FOR HELP. Pray. Connect to beings who are helpful for you. For some, this includes angels and/or demons, spirits and entities that are part of your family, gods, guides, ancestors. Connecting with friends and family also helps.
    3) Practice daily cord-cuttings. Sever cords that lead to things that are not for your own personal highest good, cords that lead to that which will do you harm.
    4) Practice psychic shielding, preferably of a reflective type.
    5) Practice shielding those you believe might be behind the attack – but here’s the trick. Shield them with love and compassion. People so far gone as to desire to use their personal energies not to fix their problems, but to destroy you instead, NEED compassion. They need soothing. They need love. I’m not saying turn the other cheek – if you’ve got the know-how, and you’re sure of your target, by all means, have at – but if you’re not sure, this shield does no harm – it replaces the desire to harm with a sense of being understood, of being safe… things we know all people need, but most especially the unhinged. They were broken by life. We, with our own nicks and cracks, understand.
    6) Cleanse, clear, and rebalance your aura and chakras daily. Daily meditation also helps strengthen your focus and your will, making you a harder target to influence.
    7) Wear, and place around your home, in your car, and around your work spaces, crystals that help protect against or mitigate psychic attack, negative energies and entities. Remember to cleanse and recharge them regularly.

    Amethyst: Protective against dark energy.
    Banded/Zebra Agate: Good for general psychic protection and to prevent you from absorbing another’s negativity.
    Black Moonstone: Good for general psychic protection.
    Black Obsidian: Good for basic psychic defence.
    Black Onyx: A good aid to grounding.
    Blue Aventurine: Protective against psychic vampires.
    Blue Tiger Eye: Protective against negative energy for healers.
    Brown Tiger Eye: helps protect against unwanted spirits.
    Brachiated Jasper: A good psychic shield that returns negative energy to the sender.
    Calcopyrite: It is generally protective against psychic attack.
    Carnelian: Protective against psychic intrusion.
    Chiastolite: One of the best for all-round psychic protection.
    Citrine: Helps clear negativity caused by ghosts.
    Clear Quartz: it is protective against negative energy and will transmute it to positive energy.
    Garnet: Good for general protection.
    Green Moss Agate: It will protect your aura from negativity.
    Hematite: Good for grounding and general protection.
    Howlite (Natural): Protective against unwanted ghosts and phantoms.
    Kyanite: It is THE anti-negativity stone. It doesn’t just repel it, it destroys it.
    Lapis Lazuli: An all-round protective shield.
    Mookaite: It is protective against negativity. Mookaite should also be carried when dowsing.
    Red Jasper: A good psychic shield that returns negative energy to the sender.
    Red Tiger Eye: Protective against the evil eye.
    Rhodonite: It can be used to ward off negativity and psychic attacks.
    Rose Quartz: Another good stone to help with grounding.

    8) If you’re in the dark and experiencing symptoms… turn on a light. If you’re indoors and the sun is out, go outside. Sunlight is best, but light in any form will help decrease the intensity. If you do go outside to stand in the sun, go barefoot and stand on grass, if you can. This will allow the sun to cleanse your aura, and the earth to transmute the energies you don’t want, as you ground.
    9) Get involved in some kind of physical activity. Get yourself focused on the here and now, get yourself focused on your own body. Walking, doing housework, gardening… anything is better than curling up in a ball and waiting for the kicking to stop. Such activities will also strengthen your aura and empower you.
    10) There are foods that help support people undergoing psychic attack. Raw fruits and vegetables and nuts are best. Also make sure you are properly hydrated. Water is conductive. The more water in your body, the better your energy conduction – in other words, the more power you have available to protect yourself with.
    11) Listen to music that uplifts you, inspires you, moves you, makes you want to dance, or sing, fills you with joy.
    12) Commit random acts of kindness, gratitude, and generosity. When you bring others a sense of happiness, that happiness is shared back to you. It coats your aura in another layer of protection.

Now that you know things that you can do that help… Here is a list of things you absolutely should not do.

  • 1) Keep your hopes up – do not entertain negative, hurtful, destructive, or despairing thoughts. If you notice them happening, turn your mind to positive thoughts. If you’re under attack, hope is the first thing they try to take. Don’t let them.
    2) Do not get drunk; do not abuse drugs; avoid hallucinogens! Avoid people who get extremely drunk. Drugs and alcohol weaken the mind, however temporarily, and make you an easier target.
    3) Do not do mind-numbing tasks. Don’t spend five hours tumblring or fbing, or watching tv. Stay alert as much as possible. When you’re not paying attention, it’s easy to sneak past your protections.
    4) While it may work on occasion for some, in general it seems to be a bad thing to have the attitude that one is a lost and helpless little sheep in need of rescue. This kind of “I’m lost and helpless, save me” attitude attracts wolves or sharks. If you must express that sentiment, try to wait to express it to someone your heart tells you will actually help you – don’t broadcast it.
    5) Do not tune into bad news, do not listen to depressing/angry music, do not let your spirits tune into negativity.
    6) Don’t panic! You are not alone. Others have survived these trials – you can too.

This concludes this lesson on psychic attack. We have covered what it is, and what it is not. We have covered what you can do to determine whether a suspected psychic attack is real, or not. We have discussed what you can do during a psychic attack to protect yourself, and we have talked about things you need to avoid during those times because those activities can make you more susceptible.

I look forward to your questions and comments.
-Raven

Spell to Protect another Spell from Damage or Destruction

“Neither earth, nor water, nor fire, nor air,
Nor any element between,
Neither rain, nor sleet, nor gloom of night,
Nor sun, nor sprite, nor meddling God,
Nor demon, angel, or denizen of places between spaces,
Shall stay this spell from the swift completion of its appointed purpose…
I bind this spell by might of Three…
By Spirit, Astral and my own Body.”

Written by K. Christmas.