Salts of the earth,
Gifts of the sea,
Herbs of the moon,
All cleansing me,
Center of power,
Blood of the core,
Washed from the soul,
Out every pore.
Salt of the earth,
Gifts of the sea,
Herbs of the moon,
All cleansing me.
A sudden flash of understanding. What have you DONE?! But it’s too late. Hardwired.
All those days I felt like I was suffocating, terrified to sleep…
All those moments I got up to check, over and over, to make sure he was still breathing…
Hardwired.
Trapped.
I have to keep my charges alive. All of them. They have to keep breathing.
No matter how much I hate them. How much my need to be free of the trap might turn my power against them. No matter how much my desire might seek to cause their death by the mere fact that I wish it to be so.
And now the obsession is obvious. I’m hardwired to keep him alive, because that’s the job.. and because they knew it would be hard, that love wouldn’t be enough in the end… they altered me.
And now keeping him breathing is an obsession. A poison that spreads – I have to keep breathing, so I can keep him alive. My familiar has to keep breathing, because the loss of him would take my focus away from the primary job. And the job himself – well, he has to keep breathing because the gods will it so.
GODS… WHY? He has no respect for the life you give him! Do you really need him that BADLY? WHY?
You charged me, changed me, to keep him alive, and I have no choice… and it’s all so POINTLESS. Because he doesn’t want it. And neither do I.
I gave up love for THIS?
The Gods must be crazy… and me too.
Somewhere, a long way away… my sister and an angel must be weeping. Because there’s NO WAY I’m getting paid enough for this. She was right… we’re all Their whores.
It never bothered me before, you know… I didn’t know about the light, so how was I to know that it was dark? But I know now.
Nyctophilia Raven 
Personally, it sounds like he’s broken enough vows, I’d insist upon release from contract to an OathBreaker. If you work for The Source, shouldn’t it be treating you better than a life shackle to a decaying junkie oathbreaker?
I realize I’ve engaged in some pretty unusual behavior myself due to the kind of Forced Bond I didn’t understand at the time. But isn’t The Source supposed to be beyond/above the petty backdoor deals I might be involved in?
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See, this is the problem. I’m too new at this. I don’t know what the rules are… except that it appears there ARE no rules.
If the Source wants someone kept alive, for whatever reason (and no, I really have no idea why at all)… then that’s what’s going to happen.
As for the contract… that was revisited last night. I didn’t know enough to ask for it to be broken (*sigh*) so… but now S’s finding a new place to live… and will be out within the week.
And I have a new sense of my own value that wasn’t there before.
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Which I suppose may be the same thing as calling it out. You don’t neccessarilly need a long involved ceremony. Sometimes you just have to close your mouth and get off your knees.
Next time we have to discuss Contracting. There ought to be a manual but I haven’t found one yet.
It would have to take one slick trick to bind you to an OathBreaker.
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We do need to discuss contracting. I had someone give you a copy of the contract for S… you should have gotten that… yesterday I think… If you need more time to study it before we talk, let me know.
I’m going to be at my mother’s this weekend, but I get free weekends on my cellphone – I’ll try find a good time to call you… though it may not be until Sunday. When do you think you’ll be available??? I leave for my mother’s Friday morning… I think I could call you Friday night.. say around… 7:30 pm your time? Let me know.
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