Handy Links For Empaths in Trouble

Empathic Auras

So if you can pull in your aura, then ground, that should help the most. Once you’ve reigned in your aura and grounded, then you can do a very simple cleanse. Eventually, you will want to work on your chakras, because empaths are MADE, through trauma and abuse. Empathy is a natural ability of all humans, but empaths who are as sensitive as you are develop it as a defensive mechanism against harmful situations. Having your aura spread out so wide allows you to be prepared. It’s a form of hyper-vigilance.

So, about cleansing. Once you have your aura contained, and you’ve grounded, I would suggest that you go for a walk in a place where there aren’t a lot of people (I like to walk after dark, or take a hiking trail). While you are walking, just focus on breathing the fresh air, the stillness and the silence. Let the greenness of the world, or the whiteness/darkness if you’re walking in winter or at night, let the weather and the season just sort of recharge you as you breathe it in.

Finally, a bare-bones method is simply to visualize a ball of white light as large as your aura (for most people this is three feet wide, for you it’s probably considerably larger which is why I don’t suggest doing this until you’ve got your aura reigned in) coming down through you from the sky, and a second one coming up through you from the earth. See these balls as collecting all the muck as they go, and as the ball from the sky enters the earth below you, and the ball from the earth enters the sky above you, see the earth and sky absorb those balls and the negativity they’ve removed from you.

Also, this article will be helpful for you. Crystals for Aura Protection

Eventually you WILL have to work on your chakras; the why is handily explained in this article: How Abuse Affects Our Chakras

Also this one: What Blocks Our Chakras and Why

And this one: And this one: Understanding Your Chakras

Here are links to what I’ve written about chakras in the past.

What About the OTHER Chakras

Chakra Lessons: Cleansing

Purification Ritual for Cleansing and Clearing the Chakras

I was an empath once. I don’t recommend the way I had to go to stop it, but I remember what it was like, so whenever I see anyone having difficulties, I feel like it’s my duty to share what I know about it.

-Raven

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Simple Rites

This is my altar for my most recent evocation. What you see is the bare bones of a ritual. The canvas bears the sigil of the demon I am working with. Upon the canvas, I have a candle, in the color he requested, and below that, a plate of offerings. The offerings are gemstones which match his specialty, and an incense mix which he chose. The herbs are cat nip, rose, chamomile, jasmine, lavender, lemon balm, and lobelia. The resin is copal, and the essential oil is an amber blend.

This is also the incense which is burning on the charcoal. The incense serves a dual purpose, in that it is an offering to the Air element, but is also tuned to the intentions which I and the demon are working towards. I have a red candle, which is an offering to the element of Fire, a bowl of purified water as an offering to the Water element, and a bowl of sea salt as an offering to the element of Earth.

Once my altar was set up, I settled on my meditation chair, lit the candles, added the incense to my charcoal, closed my eyes, and began to breathe into trance.

As I drew each breath, I counted down. I drew three deep breaths, and as I breathed out, I chanted in my mind the number three. I then drew three more deep breaths, and as I breathed out, I chanted the number two. I drew three final breaths, chanting the number one. As I counted down, and breathed, I entered a state of holding – of stillness.

Once in that state, I began my evocation. The evocation is simple. I place the first two fingers of my right hand upon the canvas which bears his sigil, resting my fingertips lightly, as I chant, “I call to you, ‘(name of demon goes here). Join me in my sacred space. I seek counsel from you. Come forth, and join in companionship,” three times.

This is a soft evocation. It is an invitation, a request. It is not a demand. It does not use force. It is not reliant on the force of others. It does not require any tools – the items on my altar are not tools, even those which stand as representation of elements of my ritual. They are offerings only, and unnecessary save for politeness.

The key to my ritual is respect. This demon is one I have worked with many times. In the beginning, I did a lot of research about him. When I felt I was ready, I set up my altar of offerings to him, and drew his sigil on three small pieces of paper. That morning, I burned his sigil, while making my request to work with him, and then I meditated, paying attention to the energy that flowed through my sacred space. Throughout the day, I paid attention to the world around me, taking note of any favorable or negative signs. That evening, I burned the second sigil, again making my request, and meditated, feeling out the flows of energy around me. That night, I placed the third sigil under my pillow. The next morning, I noted my dreams of the night. The signs I had received, the energies I felt, and the dreams I had, all indicated to me a positive response.

I took the third sigil out from under my pillow, went to my altar, and burned it, repeating my evocation request. At this time, he arrived, and we sat down to have a serious discussion about why I had called him – what I hope to learn from working with him, hope to gain, and also what requests he had for offerings, specific behaviors he required of me when working with him.

For this demon, he requires a white candle, certain gemstones, and certain oils to be anointed on his offerings when I evoke him. He has requested that we meet at a certain time, and that if we’re not going to be working on a daily basis, that I follow the 24 hour procedure when I do wish to work with him, unless we have an agreed upon schedule. Right now, I am working with him daily, but eventually as this current growth cycle comes to a conclusion, it is likely that I will only be working with him on his weekday, and that may eventually become only a lunar cyclical pattern.

This particular demon and I are doing extensive shadow work within my soulscape. We are working on correcting some long-held negative emotional patterns, and the experiences with him, while they have often been quite difficult and challenging, have been extremely beneficial, and the release of so much repressed emotional baggage has been truly freeing.

When I began working with Angels and demons, my first research was Goety. The Lesser Key rituals were extravagant, and for certain entities, brutal, violent. I felt extremely uncomfortable with the style. It’s not in me to abuse, especially when I understood already that the entities I was working with were deities of ancient pantheons, and only recently demonized by the newest religion. As I’m not a practitioner of that religion, I felt that to approach Goetic angels or demons in this fashion would be disingenuous of my own true nature and path.

Because I had already had a strong grounding in the fundamentals of magick, because I understood that most of the trappings of ritual are tools for the developing magician and not truly necessary once a practitioner reaches a certain stage in their practice, I decided to look for other practitioners and their ways of doing things, and I decided to experiment.

In my journey, I found a book on Demonolatry, where the goetic entities are evoked in a similar formal manner, but without the egoic posturing of the magician, and without the abuse of those entities. I also found even simpler rituals of evocation in the works of Frater U∴D∴, which I truly felt most in tune with my own mindset, and which eventually became the backbone of my own evocation practices. Finally, I met a demonolatry priestess, whose written invitations, with minor editing, became my own.

I feel that it is important for each practitioner who wishes to begin evocation of entities to study many sources of evocation practices, and to eventually build their own rituals, rites, and practices from those studies, in accordance to their own nature, their own will, their own ethical and moral perspectives. It is also important for each practitioner to continue to develop those perspectives and practices even after they have codified them. We can always learn something new – and isn’t that mostly why we practice evocation in the first place?

-Raven

On Blood Magick

What type of working are you doing during your menses? In the cases where you are NOT one of those women who feel drained, sick, in pain, or any of the other uncomfortable symptoms, menses casting can be EXTREMELY powerful… but once done, they cannot be UNdone.

http://everymagicalday.wordpress.com/2011/08/10/blood-magick-a-blood-spell/

http://www.luckymojo.com/bodyfluids.html

http://wolf.mind.net/womens/menses.htm

http://www.arcane-archive.org/religion/hinduism/yoga/tantra/neo-tantra/the-ritualistic-importance-of-menstruation-and-menstrual-blood-2.php

These should get you going…

The Unwritten “Laws” Of Magick

So, one of the things that I probably haven’t written about yet here are the so-called unwritten laws of magick.

One of those laws is that your subconscious is the one that takes the energy you give to a spell, and seeds the universe with that. Know Thyself isn’t just pretty words… it’s important to understand your deeper self, and your intimate motivations, because yes, absolutely, they will interfere with a spell’s effects.

For example – when I was younger, I wasn’t financially stable. If I got into a tight spot, I’d cast a spell for money. In return for my energies and hopes, I’d get…

1) A ten dollar note under my foot on my way to work… which was monopoly money
2) A whole ton of pennies showing up everyfreakingwhere.

I did NOT get the amount I needed… or if I did, it ALWAYS cost me later. It was always one step forward, twelve steps back.

Another example – when I was a very young adult, I had the usual illusions about love. I cast a few “my perfect partner” spells… and someone always came along… and it was always awful. The issue was that because I didn’t believe myself worthy of love, I attracted, with my spell, people with similar issues, or issues that would exacerbate my own.

If you do not have a clear, focused, pure intent, then yeah… your spells will go badly. If you find yourself feeling doubts, fears, or having thoughts that are counter to the result you are seeking… STOP CASTING. Deal with the emotional and mental issue you’re having. Take the time to understand who you are, and where your thoughts and feelings are coming from, and take the time to nurture yourself into a healthier state. THEN go back to casting, with better focus.

Casting while fearing bad things will happen, or fearing the worst, will imbue your magick with those fears, and draw their realization into the physical for you to deal with consciously. It is absolutely dangerous if you’re not ready for it – and normally it’s counter to your actual needs of the moment. There ARE times when that should be your intent – when you’re feeling ready to deal with an issue, using magick to force it into a physical shape so that you CAN deal with it, can be very healing…

But doing it accidentally is… highly unpleasant at best.

There is absolutely a difference between “mind” and “astral” but it takes practice to learn the difference. The difference is essentially that one is internal, and the other external. Astral is EVERYWHERE. You’re in it right now. With focused intent, you can use your “mind” to shape the astral. It’s like… the mind is a muscle, and astral is the dough that you are shaping into whatever you want to bake back into reality.

If you picture an object in your mind, it’s a picture in your mind. Someone else with specific psychic skills might be able to see the object in your mind, but if you don’t do more than PICTURE something, it’s not created… YET. The ability to turn something from a picture in your head into an actual astral reality (and eventually a physical effect) requires energy and intent. You can get energy from practice, or you can get it from emotions in the moment. The stronger you feel about the imagery you’re creating, the more likely it will become an astral projection rather than just something in your imagination. Emotions, when you’re just starting, are the easiest source of energy to create a real effect which can be shared with someone else.

With the exercise I wrote, we use physical energy to create the astral imprinted spell, and we shape that energy with visualizations – the whole exercise is set up to avoid emotional overlay because that way lies dragons. Your emotions are not stable – we almost never feel only one emotion, and most of the emotions we’re not aware of in the moment are negative ones… which means that even the happiest moment is tainted by something underneath which we do not voice. Using emotion to power most spells is thus inherently untrustworthy if you want positive results. If you’re specifically raising anger or pain as an energetic bus for your spell, then yeah, emotion will do the trick.

The reason I start out with having people familiarize themselves with their own energy, as opposed to any other form of energy, is because if you know your own energy, when communication happens, if it’s not you, you’ll be able to recognize it because it will not have your own flavor to it. Until you know yourself and your energy well enough, there is absolutely a danger of misinterpreting your own thoughts as those coming from outside you. The longer you’re here on this forum the more you’ll see people who are confused by this. The ego (and I’m not talking about inappropriate confidence, but the psychological concept of an ego) is full of flaws, and when you start working with metaphysical stuff, all those flaws are going to become bigger. If you have a really negative ego, that’s going to end up being interpreted as an attack. There’s this issue with people who come to the metaphysical world seeking a magickal resolution to all their problems… and that is that the metaphysical world is the real world magnified. Whatever your problems are, adding magick to it will magnify them. The “prime directive” of magick is KNOW THYSELF – because if you know yourself, warts and all, then you can control what parts of you get magnified into the physical world, and which parts you keep from becoming monsters under your bed.

Honestly, though, the only way to avoid this particular pitfall is practice… and the willingness to deal with the fallout of being exposed and magnified. If you want to deal with magick, even if it’s only second-hand by having someone else do things for you (cast spells, conjure spirits, whatever), then you HAVE to be willing to face yourself, the worst parts of yourself… you have to be willing to be accountable for where you are in life. Magick does NOT fix problems… it exacerbates them into the physical so that YOU can fix them. It’s all about personal responsibility… and if you don’t want to take responsibility for where you are in life, then it will absolutely blow up in your face.

I see a lot of desperate people come to magick as their last ditch effort. So much in this world is unfair and ugly and overwhelming, and people don’t always have perspective. Many people who come to magick lack maturity in their emotional responses to trouble. While we can’t stop the world from turning, we absolutely do have power over how we respond to downward momentum… and if you’re stuck in a negative spiral of thought, magick is not something you should be touching. It could ALWAYS be worse.

So… the best way to avoid the issue of being bullied by yourself is to stop bullying yourself. And don’t touch magick until you’re done using yourself, or anyone/anything else as a scapegoat.

The second best is to practice with your own energy, over and over, until you know when it’s you, and when it’s not.

If you are working with energy at the time that you have unwanted thoughts coming up, you can absolutely cast those thoughts without meaning to.

One of the first exercises a magician practices is that of mental control, an exercise designed to improve your ability to focus, as well as exclude unnecessary thoughts. It’s a deceptively simple exercise.

Take five minutes and let your mind run rampant. At the end of the five minutes… write down every thought you had during that five minutes. Practice until you have perfect recall.

Take five minutes and hold only one thought. Practice until you can hold one thought, and only one, for the full five minutes.

Take five minutes and have no thoughts. Practice until no intrusions happen for a full five minutes.

Always create a detailed record of your progress. This will show you where your weaknesses are, and help you determine how to fix them.

-Ed Fitch, A Grimoire of Shadows

You can see how simple it sounds… and I’m sure you can figure out how difficult it is to actually do. For me, because I have ADD, it was pretty much impossible. I had to find workarounds for it.

I found that giving my mind something to do allowed me to focus. In the same way that someone with ADD can zone into a book or videogame and have absolutely NO clue what else is going on around them, if I turn on music or if I create a mental journey for myself, I can have that same level of focus. When I’m working magick, I can be so focused that the roof could cave in and I wouldn’t notice – but only because when I’m working magick, I am actively DOING something.

Another way you can work on your focus is meditation. You can use music to give your brain something to chew on while you dig into the trance state, or you can use guided meditations, if focus is a huge issue for you.. but the biggest asset of daily meditation is getting to know yourself, so it’s actually better to pay attention to your thoughts at that time. You have to learn to listen to yourself, if you’re ever going to help fix the issues you have with yourself or the wider reality.

The issue with magick is that people don’t do daily psychological maintenance. They don’t meditate. They don’t journal. They ignore themselves and focus on the external world… and problems build up. Magick is the manipulation of the internal to MAKE it external… which means if you’re not aware of the internal, magick will make you aware…

And in highly creative, but honestly painful ways.

-Raven

On Creating Consequence Free Spells

All magick is the manipulation of energies, the imprinting of those energies with ideas, and then the manifestation of those ideas into reality.

Magick is essentially neutral. Intent CAN be neutral, or not, but magick itself is absolutely neutral, in the same way that light and gravity are absolutely neutral.

However, humans interpret magick as being polarized when the EFFECTS occur. So it’s not a spell that’s white arts or black arts or dark arts or whatever you want to call it… it’s the consequences.

If you want neutral consequences, don’t do magick, because that’s counter to what magick IS… magick is the art of taking energy and making it have consequences, and NO consequence is neutral in the human perspective. You’re ALWAYS going to see magickal effects realized as either positive or negative. Humans think in highly personal ways. “Do I like this effect, or does it feel bad?” If it feels bad to you, even if it doesn’t feel bad to the rest of the world, you label those consequences as dark. If it feels bad to a lot of people, then a lot of people label it as bad. Someone not affected, or affected in a positive way, will label the exact same spell as good.

There’s no such thing as a spell that has an effect in the world that is neutral in execution. Someone, somewhere, is going to have feelings about the results.

Any magickal spell can be used for either white arts or dark arts purposes. It’s the intent that makes that so.

If you cast a spell with the intent to have flexible outcomes that might or might not impact others in a perceived by them negative way, then you’ve intentionally cast a dark arts spell.

If you cast the same spell with the intent to have a static outcome that does not impact anyone in any way that could be perceived as negative, you’ve intentionally cast a white arts spell.

It’s not the spell that changes. Its your intent. If you want to create a spell that can do both, my advice is to give the spell some autonomy, as if you’re taking the first steps towards creating a servitor. Then the spell can choose what’s best in the moment, but you can set it to default as white arts where the situation allows for it.

Chakra Lessons – Cleansing

Close your eyes after reading this, and look for the root chakra. It will probably look a bit fuzzy. You’re looking for a reddish orb of energy that has four petals around it.

Another way to check your chakras is by feel. You have chakras in your palm. You can ask your spirit guides to open them, and rub your hands very briskly together for a few moments. As you pull them apart, you will feel them tingle. You can then wave your hand through your aura over the various locations of the chakras, and sense them with your palms. This will tell you information that drawing can’t… such as WHY a chakra has a certain thing going on inside it.

Now, close your eyes, and picture a ball of white light. Focus on this light as coming from the core of the universe. The intent is that this light is perfect for you – it’s for your highest good, it is unconditionally loving of YOUR energy frequency, and deeply healing.

The sacral plexus is orange, and has six petals. It is located two inches below your belly button and is centered between your back and front. All chakras are considered to be aligned with the spine, but this chakra can sometimes drift to the left a bit.
Locate your sacral plexus in the same way that you did the root chakra – either with activated palm chakras, or with visualization.

Between your root chakra and your sacral plexus, there are three main channels and two minor channels.
The central channel is the widest. It’s called the Sushumni channel. The outside two that wrap AROUND the chakras but do not connect TO the chakras are called Ida (right) and Pingala (leftI) nadir.
The two minor channels that directly connect the root to the sacral plexus on the outside of the sushumni are also called Ida and Pingala nadirs.

Remember to activate your palm chakras and use your visual techniques. Your channels will be white (sushumni) and offwhite or dark (ida/pingala)

On hand Chakras:

Your dominant hand is all about projection and protection. Your receptive hand is all about drawing in, but also taps into self-knowledge. You can use your left hand to check your chakras and your aura to tell you things about what’s going on with you. To activate them, request that your guides activate them, rub your hands briskly, and stretch them apart slowly until you feel the chakras open. Your hands will heat up and tingle.

The reason the Ida and Pingala nadirs are dark is because energy flows DOWN the ida and pingala nadirs, and the Sushumni is bright white because energy flows UPwards there. So check flow. Downwards is much more subtle and gentle. When you connect to the ida and pingala nadirs, you will feel your energy shift downwards, like grounding. When you connect to the sushumni, you will feel your energy rising, like kundalini. The channels take a bit.

So remember the white light I had you connect to and let flow through your root chakra?
I want you do do the same thing through all five channels between your root and your sacral plexus.

The sacral plexus is all about your connections – how you relate to the world around you.
Everything you touch is stored in the sacral plexus… which can make it very crowded. Outmoded ideas, and burnt in, tired patterns, are held here.
I call the sacral plexus the noun chakra. If it’s a person, place, thing, or idea, and you have ever related to it, it’s there.
It’s also a sexual chakra – but rather than your own sexuality… it deals with how you feel sexually about others. It also deals with how you relate to them sexually.
It’s about what you enjoy in life, when it’s healthy – the things that bring you pleasure. It’s also the seat of indulgence and addiction. This is the chakra that your feelings about the world come from.

One of the first self-care things that needs to be done with this chakra is… what are you holding there that is no longer useful, no longer serving your highest good, serving your growth as a person and as a spirit?
Bring in the white light energy… and SAY TO IT – “I release all unnecessary connections back into the universe, with unconditional love.” Know that the energy of those connections that is right now doing nothing but holding you back is going to be repurposed and directed towards someone else’s highest good now. And let go.

When you truly let something go out of your energy field, when you stop sucking it back in all the time, even if you’re surrounded by it, it no longer disturbs you, because it’s not inside you.
So keep weeding until your garden stops being soil that accepts those kinds of seeds. Your energy is programmable. You can teach yourself a new way to be, where things do not grow in you that you do not need.

We’re digging into the sacral plexus chakra. We’ve released the excess connections that are unnecessary and holding up progress. Now it’s time to clean up the mess that came from being stuck.
Again, bring in the light that we talked about, and let it wash through the entire chakra, cleansing, balancing, soothing.
Let it remove any stuck energy, and when you feel it’s a nice, strong, stable orange, we can move on to the channels above it.
It should also get a pulse to it.

Remember to draw that light all the way through, front to back.The opening that draws in, to the opening that pushes out. The front of the chakra – which is actually your back.

So the next step is to connect to the five channels moving to the solar plexus. The two that cross below the sacral and above the sacral (outer ida and pingala) the two that connect from the solar to the sacral (inner ida and pingala) and the central channel that flows up from the root through the sacral and now through the solar plexus (sushumni) all need to be checked and cleaned with the light.

The outer ida and pingala wrap around the chakra system like a DNA helix.

The inner ida and pingala, whose energies ALSO flow downwards, simply leap from chakra to chakra. The Sushumni, whose energies flow upwards is a river bed that gathers chakra energies like tributaries as it heads for the point above the crown where it fountains.

Both ida and both pingala nadirs terminate below your feet. They flow down your legs, and your arms. But that’s really technical and you don’t need to worry about it with a general cleansing.

The solar plexus is your center. It is your essential sense of SELF – just as the root is your sense of your body, the solar plexus is your sense of YOU. It is the seat of your self-confidence, and all your actions. Your belief about what you are capable or not capable of doing in the world comes from here. It’s all about achievable personal power. Willpower.
Having this chakra clear means you are able to be courageous, and take pleasure in your own accomplishments.

If you have issues with this chakra, you will tend to be a wallflower, but not in a positive way. An overactive chakra can make you egotistical and narcisstic. An underactive solar plexus will make you a professional doormat.

The chakra petals are an energetic fibbonaci sequence. 4, 6, 10, 12, 18, 3, 1000. lol
Time to bring on the light.

The difference between the upper and lower chakras which separates them is that the lower chakras all deal with your physical self. The upper chakras all deal with your perceptions and interactions with the outside world. The root is your body, the sacral plexus is sex and relationships. The solar plexus is your views about yourself and your ability to act in the world

The heart is all about how you sense the world. The throat is all about how you communicate with that world. The Third Eye is all about how you see the world, and the crown is how your spirit connects to the spirits of the world. So all the upper chakras are externally focused.

Remember yesterday when I showed you how to open your perceptions, either by touch or by inward sight, to view your chakras?

Connect to your heart chakra. The heart chakra has 12 petals, is green with a rose outline around the outside, and as I said, is the seat of your emotional senses about the world around you.
This is how you interact intuitively with the world. The Third Eye is Sight – but the Heart is FEEL. There’s no point in being able to see the word if you can’t feel what your seeing actually means.
The heart chakra is also about love – but not just self-love, but being able to give and receive love with others, and the wider world.

When you are connected to your heart chakra, remember what I told you about connecting to the light that is the most balanced for you, the most attuned to your own highest good and your best purpose. This isn’t about white light, or anything like that. It’s about aligning yourself with your truest nature, your best balance, your most perfect you. Connect to the light that creates you as you create yourself… the blueprint, I suppose. It’s not going to be the light that anyone else is. It’s your light. Which means that if you work better with shadow – it will have the taste of shadow. It’s your light.

So bring that into you… and let it wash through the chakra. Remember that we’re going from the opening of the chakra in your back, and out the front. Let that energy wash through your chakra, setting everything to rights.
Look at what your heart chakra is right now… and then bring that intent in, and let that intent come through and fix everything up. And keep doing that until you know that your heart chakra is the best color and feel it can be.
You INTEND to connect to the light that is for your own highest vibrational good. The light that is the best light for you, and for your healing. When you put your mind into an intention, the very act of saying, “THIS is what I want,” is enough to call it to you. You are using a function of magickal WILL.

You are WILLING A CHANGE TO OCCUR. You are WILLING A CONNECTION TO A TYPE OF ENERGY.

This is why I suggest that while this kind of basic healing can be done by most people, real healing that can be used for others shouldn’t be done by just anyone, but someone who really knows how to keep their intentions pure.
Your heart chakra is between your nipples on your sternum.
Some people will feel it a bit lower, some a bit higher, but generally, it’s in the middle there. The thing is that the heart chakra isn’t actually a single chakra. It’s actually 7 chakras starting at the base of the sternum and climbing upwards in sequence to the hollow of your throat.

The throat is located just over your adam’s apple. Women and men have them – just feel for it if you’re a chick, because it’s not physically as obvious as in men. The throat chakra is a blue that is very changeable, but is frequently a whiteish blue – a pale blue to sometimes turquiose color. It has 16 petals. The throat rules vocality. It is “I Speak,” so is all about speaking your personal truth. Not THE truth – but your PERSONAL truth. If you’re not into self-expression, you probably have a muddy or even blocked chakra here.

The throat is all about communication, both within and without. If you don’t listen to yourself, or you don’t listen to others, if you don’t speak deeply or honestly, if you avoid confrontation or prevaricate… you have an issue here.
Because the throat is all about speaking your truth, any time where you are deceiving yourself, this chakra is going to take the fall… and because it’s smaller than some of the other chakras, when it falls, your whole outlook on the world falls with it. A recursive chakra here will actually turn you into a mouse just as much as a poorly developed solar plexus. They often feed each other.

Not angry confrontation, but… have you ever felt something deeply, and ignored your feelings because you wanted to keep the peace around you, or didn’t want to deal with confrontations with your friends or family? That’s a throat chakra issue. Speaking your truth is about speaking those feelings – not about shoving them in people’s faces, or about forcing them to your way… the throat is all about letting EVERYONE have their personal truth, as long as they let you have yours.

If you refuse to speak up when there are issues, calmly and clearly, but just clam up instead and put up with things that don’t work for you, you’re going to have all kinds of addictions that are about jamming that chakra up. It’s not about speaking what you think. It’s not about speaking what you’re taught to think. It’s about standing up for what your soul believes to be true. Standing up for your heart.

When you speak from a spiritual place, you speak calmly, and you state your thoughts and feelings, and then you let go. It’s not aggressive, it doesn’t hurt others, or if it does, it’s only because of their attachments to lies, not because you are deliberately hurting them. You speak your truth and let it go. That is how to keep the throat chakra pure.
I tell people in situations where they cannot speak, that they must remain true to themselves, and speak the truth to themselves. They must be as honest as they can be with others, they must be honest in their actions… and whatever they cannot be honest about, they must be honest somewhere else. Tell a tree. Tell a sheet of paper. Whisper it to the wind. Tell the truth to something. It will help.

So now, connect to your throat chakras, and see what they are doing. If you see any blurring or blemishes, any places that are too dark, ask them why, what are they withholding. Listen to your truth. When you are ready… bathe it in that light, and cleanse it.
If your throat chakra is hurting you, ask it why, where the blockage is, or where you are underactive or overactive, and what you need to do to resolve it. That’s one thing that people seldom do that they really should do the most… talk to your chakras. ASK THEM TO TELL YOU WHAT’S GOING ON

Time to work on the third eye. The first thing you all need to know is… it’s not your third eye.
Your third eye is indigo, and has two petals. It rules the unseen world, the inner world, but also the astral world. What you see in your mind and what you see with magickal and psychic senses comes from here… but only what you SEE. Secondly, the third eye is actually the fifth eye. It’s located in the center of your forehead. Below it is your fourth eye, below which is your third eye at the bridge of your nose, and then your second eye is your left eye, and your first eye is your right. Above the fifth eye, you have two more eyes, the last one being at the hairline.

The fifth eye is also vastly different from your other chakras in that it is centered in the middle of your brain, in darkness, and also in that it’s start is on your forehead, and it’s petals bloom out the back of your head… so when working with this charka, instead of going from the back of your body to the front, you go from the front of your face to the back of your skull.

So everyone knows what the “third eye” looks like and what it does and where it’s located? At the curve of the skull as it heads towards the crown. Think… if you put your hair in a ponytail, it would be around that area. Hair is actually the third eye’s antenna

When you feel you have learned about any possible dysfunction, make a note to yourself about what’s going on and a solution… and then bring in the light to cleanse it. Remember that with this chakra, you go from the forehead to the back of the skull and out, not from the back of the skull out the forehead.

The final chakra is the crown chakra. It’s located at the fontinel of your skull. It is VERY large, larger than your hand. It has 1000 petals, and is white and purple. It covers from the hairline at your forehead, a whole cap around the top of your skull. The crown is all about knowledge.

The crown is all about being calm, being strong, knowing your own self and your own way. It’s also about being deeply connected with universal oneness. It’s about being in tune with everything in the world. The crown touches everything, and then the eye and the heart interpret it, and feed that interpretation back into the crown for you to understand.

Everyone, connect to your crown now, and look for any issues, or anything that you’re doing RIGHT… because the crown is all about rightness.
Keep in mind that the crown isn’t about losing sight of yourself, or losing your own boundaries or definitions of self. It’s not about becoming nothing. The crown is the seat of yourself, as you fit in the universe, just as much as it’s the seat of the universe as it fits in yourself.

A lot of people who work the LHP tend to think that the upper chakras will pull them off that path… that isn’t the case. If anything, the upper chakras can refine how they decide to act, by telling them about how they think and feel about the outside world, and how it returns the favor – they reinforce choice, rather than taking it away and forcing universal connections. You can’t force something that is omnipresent. You are in the universe. You can’t get more connected than that.

One last thing… ask your crown how your connections to source and yourself are. Ask to see those connections and make sure they are all in, and functioning correctly.

When you’ve all connected to your crowns, and made sure that everything you need to know is understood, bring in the light, and this time, wash it from your crown, all the way down to the soles of your feet and into the earth. At the SAME time, bring a SECOND light up from the core of the earth… and run it through your root and all the way up, out your crown, and into the center of the universe. When you feel completely refreshed, balanced, poised between heaven and earth… you can relax, center, ground, and call it done.

I told you I was tired and would forget something… If everyone would check their idas and pingalas and sushumni from their sacral up, that would be a good thing. Run the light through all five channels.

If your chakra is blocked or there is a problem with it, when you look at it or feel it, it will feel/look smudged, or you will feel pain associated with the area, or tightness, like a lump in your chest for a blocked heart chakra. Look for dark patches where the glow is diminshed or even extinguished.

If you can visualize your chakras and get nice sensations with those visualizations, chances are that your imagination is not in overdrive, but fairly accurate. If you’re concerned about the health of your chakras, simply do a cleansing and clearing exercise in addition to your usual meditation work, every time you work with them. Cleansing and clearing should be done daily, anyway. Trust me, if your chakras start having issues, you’ll know. It’ll start with emotional and mental issues, and swell into physical issues. There will be emotional swings, negative thoughts associated with the particular chakra, and then physical feelings – first almost like indigestion, slowly swelling to actual physical illness. You can check out google, as many websites mention the side-effects of having an imbalanced chakra and include the physical diseases… for example, if your solar plexus gets blocked enough to become unbalanced, you can end up with not only feelings of codependency and victimhood/powerlessness, but also diabetes and gall stones. See how it works?

I always SUGGEST to my chakras that they close after I’m finished working with them, but as with the elements and deities, it’s always a: close if you will, stay open if you must, kind of thing. They’ll slowly dial back down on thier own when they’re ready. Forcing them open or closed, and I don’t mean the gentle coaxing/asking but actual force, will cause blockages. Most meditations don’t mention closing them because most practitioners know that as you leave meditational space, and your brain ramps back up from theta levels to alpha levels, the chakras tend to close up on their own, because you’re becoming more connected to this here/now reality and less connected to your internal energetic reality. There’s less energy flow – not much, but it does become reduced – so they slowly ramp down. I, personally, prefer to, as a part of the meditation, just because I’m a neat and tidy kind of personality, ask them to close up before I begin to lift myself up out of that space. But that’s just me. It’s not necessary.

The OTHER Chakras

There are bone chakras and joint chakras, chakras for the organs, auric chakras…

There are seven chakras in each heel. Then there is the main foot chakra that’s split in half, one on one arch, the other on the other arch. There are chakras going up the back on either side of the spine. There are seven hearts, there are seven eyes, there are over a thousand crown chakras. There are chakras in your palms and chakras on each fingertip beyond the joint and bone chakras.

There are other extra chakras that relate to your other bodies – and while you have three bodies (physical, astral, and spiritual) there are seven planes each body exists on… so there are seven layers to each body, and each layer has its own chakras.

Then there are soul chakras.

It’s very complicated and we’ve only just begun to plumb the depths of the extremely complicated system of energetic structures that make up our experiences.

The reason I only usually write about the seven major physical chakras is because, before you even think about working with the minor chakras, or even advancing to the bone and joint chakras, before you think about mastering the chakras in the layers of your three bodies, and reach for soul chakras…

A good foundation, a balance and clear Major System, is absolutely necessary.

Without that… the potential for doing more harm than good is… obviously… extensive.

 

Empathic Auras

Here’s the thing about empaths that even most empaths don’t know.

Your auras are HUGE. Like, fill an entire house HUGE. You’ve learned to live inside other people, usually out of sheer defense. Almost all empaths are empaths due to lengthy trauma… so they learn to push their aura out to such a distance that they are ALWAYS PREPARED. It’s a survival mechanism.

I’ve yet to meet an empath who DIDN’T have an aura that invaded everyone else’s space.

So shielding often doesn’t work. If you shield your aura, but your aura is still large enough that other people are still INSIDE it, then you’ve shielded them inside with you.

The solution to empathy being so overwhelming is to work to pull your aura back into your original personal space. Because your aura is so large, you have issues with boundaries. You don’t have them. That allows for you to be constantly overwhelmed psychically, mentally, emotionally.

The first boundary you must set is your own. It’s hard work to reel in your aura, but it’s worth it. Then, when you need to, you can push it out to “taste” people and/or environments, but when you’re done, you can pull back in, cleanse (dump the toxins), and shield… REALLY shield, and just be alone in your head again.

Trust me… Get your aura under control, and being an empath will no longer be a curse.

-Raven

An Interesting Night

Before I went to sleep, I heard my phone’s alarm going off – when it actually wasn’t, because that happens to me sometimes. So, I stopped what I was doing and tried to figure out why I was hearing the sound of my phone’s alarm clock feature – what that might mean. The answer I got was, “Something has ended.”

This wasn’t much to go on, so I decided to do a tarot reading. When I asked what was ending I drew the ten of pentacles, which didn’t make much sense – what was I overburdened with that I viewed as a toil which was ending? So, for clarification, I drew a second card, which was the three of pentacles – meaning that my toil, my burden, of teaching others, is what is ending. I asked what that meant for my future, and I drew the ace of pentacles which means there is a new beginning, one that will bring me material security and success.

The first dream of the night, I remember someone asking me to conjure an Ubi, and I told them I didn’t want to conjure professionally, and they said, why don’t you conjure and send your work to others who can sell them for you? I said, ok, I give – I’ll try it. So, then I actually did a little conjure work for other sellers – using them as third parties so that I don’t get overworked. It was almost like… I couldn’t help but conjure, I loved it the way artists can’t stop painting. And… it seemed to work for me. I was conjuring, which I do love, but the rest of the mess that comes with conjuring for clients, was a non-issue. I conjured when I wanted, what I wanted, and when I wasn’t up to it, I didn’t worry about it.

 

The second dream of the night was more interesting. I woke up dizzy from it, and the house is hazy because of the number of beings now in it, so – this ACTUALLY HAPPENED, in a sense.

I was in a battle camp. We were at war, and my blood had healing properties, so I stayed at the camp (a precious comodity) and donated blood every so often, which they bagged, and when someone was injured, they recieved a bag of my blood to heal them. In the camp, there was a woman, an Ubi who was helping us as a spy – her brother was a prisoner of the other side, being forced to help that side, and so she was helping us with information from him in the hopes that when it was all over, we would help set him free and give them both a home on our side. We were getting ready to leave – it wasn’t clear if the war was over, but the fight was over right now, and my people were refusing to help her, because her brother was a spy for the other side. She was desperate to save him, and I felt that after all she’d done for us, we owed her. I went to my superiors and said I wanted to bind her and her brother, and they said, “Fine, ok, yes,” though they weren’t thrilled – it solved the problem but they really didn’t want the pair with us.

So, I took a knife with me (to cut myself for the blood I would need to bind them to me with), but when I got there, I found out that her entire CLAN was masterless, and without a master over the clan, they weren’t going to survive – and of course, I said “fuck it, I’ll bind them all” to which my superior who was the medic in charge of my blood said, “I knew you’d see it that way. Go ahead, you have my permission but don’t let any of the others know.”

I answered, “well, we’re going to need a lot more blood then,” so I went to where the clan was, and sent someone back to her to get the bags of blood I was going to need to do the bindings. Once the blood arrived, I poured it into a stone bowl, added water, and proceeded to take the stones that they were connected to, and bathe them with my hands in the blood, using my blood to bind them – it was hard, I kept losing focus, forgetting the words, but “I offer myself as a home and master to you should you choose me.” Every one of them said yes, so then I followed with this, for each and every stone: “I bind you to my physical body, my astral body, to my spirit, to my emotions, to my mind, and I bind myself to your physical body, your astral body, your spirit, your emotions, and your mind.”

Once they were bound, we were leaving, and I could only take what I could carry, so – I chose to take stones. At first, it was just stones with spirits or entities bound to them – I started binding angels, and Fu, and a lot of different spirits (so many that I don’t actually remember anymore) and every time I bound someone with that vow and they agreed, I FELT it connect. Once I got all the stones that were spirited or spelled bound, I started binding just… stones to me – I bound an entire bowl full of tiny cut diamonds, a TON of selenite, kyanite, charoite, and the like – I was just binding ALL my favorite gemstones at the end.

I woke up because I was spinning in my sleep, I’d gotten so drained and really, REALLY dizzy – and the whole house is so fuzzy now because of how much energy, beings and the like, are here now. There’s like, nine Ubi, and that’s just the tip of the iceburg.

So, basically, just bound a SHIT TON of entities, spirits, spells and energies in my sleep. And… I’m not sure even WHY.

Gonna class this as a holywhatthefuck dream.

 

Not Broken, Just… Unfinished

I went through life thinking about “wrong.”
I was dark thoughts of a dark world with a dark mind.
I lived divided, my holes made me wholly focused
On filling the emptiness.
But I wasn’t broken… Only unfinished.

There are no answers to all of my questions…
I lack experience. I lack perspective.
I don’t know anything – nothing makes sense –
Because I am a canvas, the brush, and the paint.
I am even the artist, and I’m painting my fate.
I’m not broken, just… unfinished.

I have my shadows, and they make my image.
I don’t need fixing – I’m not wrong for being.
I’m a whole person, a whole painting in motion,
A tapestry growing, a river evolving.
I am not broken, and I’m not finished.

Now say this again, but say that it’s you.
No more cutting yourself up,
Or tearing you down.
Say it again, and think of all others.
Those that you care for,
And those that you don’t.
They don’t need to be fixed –
They’re not wrong for being –
None of them broken – only unfinished.

No matter what judgment you place on another,
No matter their actions,
No matter their trouble…
No one is broken. We’re all just unfinished.

And you’re not my brush, not my artist, nor paint.
And I wouldn’t presume to edit your image,
Because you’re unfinished and not quite like me…
I’m sharing this mainly because I think you can’t see…
No one is broken. We’re all just unfinished.

-Raven

How Not To Heal A Loss

Last night’s exercise was the first Astral Sight attunement exercise with Tz (who will forever more be nicknamed Tease for reasons I may or may not explain at a later date).

We all know my astral sight is pretty good, so while we did spend a few minutes with me examining his appearance, eventually he decided he wanted to help me deal with my emotional turmoil instead.

He took me to a hellborne hospital to meet demons who have lost pieces of themselves and are learning to live with that. Unfortunately, that’s… not quite what happens, or at least, not what was happening with the patient I saw.

The patient had a wedge removed from the back of his skull. I’m not joking – a wedge, including parts of his brain, was just GONE.

The wedge missing included a talent he had with conjuring blue flame, manipulating it. The flame itself, and all that he was able to do with it – that gift was gone now.

The medical staff took a weird looking sponge and put it in the space where the wedge was missing, and I was watching it draw out some shadowy looking stuff… and I realized they were taking all his memories that surrounded his gift. Rather than him having to learn to live without it, they were taking his memories of it, so that in his mind, he never had it to begin with, so he wouldn’t go through the emotional turmoil of having lost it.

This… understandably freaked me out. I mean, I get why they were doing it – to save him pain – but… he’d already lost a core part of himself, and their solution was to steal more.

I couldn’t watch. I grabbed him and… CHANGED him as I fixed the issue…

I think everyone, including me, was a little horrified about this… well, except for the patient… who calmly, even happily, sat there conjuring little blue flames into his palms. He didn’t care that he was a demon who now had a faerie matrix… he cared that he got his fire back.

I don’t think they’ll allow me back to the hospital. They’re probably right.

Tonight when I speak to Tease, I’m going to have to tell him that if he ever finds a human with damage like that, he needs to not take their memories. Humans don’t cope well with that… if you steal their memories of who they were before the loss, they can go a little insane – because they not only will have the feeling they’ve lost something but don’t know what, but they’ll know that they don’t know… and they’ll keep poking at the missing memories, looking for why the feel this way, until it drives them bonkers.

-Raven

What Was Lost

So… last night was the final Energy Sensing exercise, and… it’s taken me a lot to come to terms with what I discovered about myself in this session, which is why I’m writing today. I was… overwhelmed enough with the discovery last night that I actually had to stop the session, and take a moment for my emotions to settle, before I could start over again.

So… the candles were lit, the sigil had been anointed in amber oil, the offerings had been set out, the incense was burning. I took my nine deep, counting breaths… and said the invocation that sets my intention to work with E on sensing energies.

The first thing I noticed was that while I can “see” him just fine… my ability to SENSE him… in fact, Sense ANYONE in my household… has really changed.

Before I died, the world was full of songs. Everyone, everything, had a vibrational map to them. I could see the vibrational map – like those tattoos you can get that, when you use an app to play them, repeat the sound that the tattoo represents. Only, I saw so much more than just the sound. There’s so much other information stored in the wavelengths of the songs – information about multiplicity of bodies, information about past and future… all the possible information for a thing or being, existed in those wavelengths of their vibratory song.

When I conjured for other people, I would compare the wavelengths to make sure they harmonized before I’d agree to a match.

When I healed, I sometimes would repair the song, rather than the person.

When I cast spells for people, I cast them into the song of the person, so that the spell became a part of their song. I CHANGED them by changing their songs.

 

What I didn’t understand, when I chose to sacrifice my empathic abilities on the plains of the Wastelands, so that I could live again… was that my ability to understand the songs, to see the wavelengths the way that I did, ALL the work I did with the songs of the multiverse, even the way I traveled the multiverse…

It all was tangled up in my empathic gift.

Sacrificing my empathy… left me deaf to the songs.

 

And it was while working with Euild last night that I finally understood that. I realized, as I was trying to sense him rather than see him, that… I didn’t sense him. Not the way I used to. Not to that depths of comprehension of the makeup of a being.

That was GONE.

 

I had to stop, in the middle of bonding. I had to walk away, to pull myself together. I was so mixed up. I’m glad I’m not an empath anymore. Empaths are slaves, pure and simple. I’m glad to be free to be myself, and that I no longer have the feeling of everything in the world under my skin, that I no longer have to listen to it all and adapt to it all. I no longer have to feel your emotions and choose a response that makes your emotions change so they don’t hurt me anymore.

I can let other people be, and feel, whatever they want around me… and I can feel and be whatever I want to. It’s so freeing, to not have to deal with all that anymore.

But… Now I have to learn a new way to sense the Songs. I have to learn a new way to conjure for others if I choose to go back to that. I have to learn everything, all over again, because the old way won’t work anymore. I have to relearn it, so I can do it the way I can, NOW, not the way I did, THEN.

 

It took me a few moments to get over that. I was… really overwhelmed and mixed up. I ended up calling my bestie to help me get some space between me and those feelings, so that I could go back to the exercise with Euild.

However, once I was calm and able to sit with him again, we got into the exercise, and I discovered… Our hearts sync up when we’re working with each other… and I can feel the pulse of his heart, the beat of mine answering, in my aura and on my skin. When he was on my left, the pulse would happen over the left side of my body. When he moved, the pulse would stop until he’d stopped moving, and then it would start up. The further away he was, the weaker the pulse, but it was always there.

I tried to hear the frequency of him – and afterwards, I also tried to hear Tease’s frequency. I got the same sounds and images with both of them. The sound, at once level, is the sound of an old modem dialing up, with feedback from an electric guitar on top. Then, if you drop down under that “NOISE,” and you have to drop pretty far, there’s a low tone that’s continuous – like a bell that was rung at the beginning of the multiverse, and the hum is still going, that same low, loud tone. Almost as loud as a fog horn, just ringing forever in the dark.

I’m not sure it was Euild’s frequency because I heard/saw the exact same sound when I was with Tease after, so… I’m thinking maybe I’m hearing something else. I’m not sure. It requires experimentation.

Anyway, I did feel the pulse, and that was new and interesting. I’m going to work on that, practice that.

He had me stop and try to sense everyone in the household, and I did… but I more… saw them than felt them… and again, I couldn’t feel their energetic song. I couldn’t get a grip on who/what they were by the song, because I couldn’t sense it.

Definitely something I need to work a lot on. I’m going to mark this particular exercise as something I need to do nightly from now on until I get it.

-Raven

PS – You’ll notice I’ve gone from calling him E to Euild. It’s kinda his fault. When he first arrived, the first part of his name, Evid, struck me, and my comment was “Like Ovid?” “No.” “Okay… ”

So since then, I’ve been calling him Evid, but last night when I was finished with our exercise together, I was writing down my notes on the session in the dark… and I wrote his name as Euild… which means Wild. So.. he now has the nickname Euild, forever more. lol

Today At Sunrise

I frequently see the sunrise, but today was special.

It was special because I stopped and took notice. I stopped doing, and just let the scene unfold.

There was a blogpost in my email last night, from Blue Flame Magick’s Kalgini, about Magick Routines – those rituals that you do daily, even in your down time – maybe ESPECIALLY in your down times, because that’s when you need them most.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve developed a magickal routine for the first time in my 39 years of practice. Not that I haven’t had long stretches in my life where every day, I made magick and spirituality to be a part of my day, but – I’ve never had a set routine for it – never had a “This specific thing happens at this time, every day.”

I’ll admit, I’m not hardwired for routine… and I’m not afraid to say no, when there’s something going on that suggests that I should take time off. Last night, and the night before, I did no bonding with my spiritual family – the night before last was a bit rough for me, health-wise – it wasn’t safe for me to walk. If it’s not safe for me to walk, then it’s not safe for me to expend energy in a magickal practice – magickal practice does not only take energy – it lowers blood sugar by sometimes over 30 points, can cause dehydration, can remove vital minerals from the body, and can wreak havoc on a destabilized body or mind. (YES, THERE HAS BEEN RESEARCH. THIS IS ABSOLUTELY TRUE. Which is why we eat and drink after any magickal or spiritual practice. Protein and fluids, boys and girls, and a refocusing on this world – that’s how you stay healthy and sane.) I stayed in bed, and gave my apologies to those whom I owed one. Last night, I also stayed in bed, because after I have a bad day, I generally give myself another day off, to make sure I’m ok – to make sure that it’s safe for me to expend the energy. As you get older, you learn these things – to conserve your energy, and to pay attention to your own needs, bodily and mentally, first.

But, the post about magickal ritual reminded me that even if I’m not in a place where I feel I can expend energy doing something spiritual or magickal… there’s spiritual practice in the every day, which costs you nothing.

So today, I watched the sun rise… and this is what I experienced.

 

As the sky slowly turned from black to pale, and the undersides of the strip of clouds to the east began to ripple with umber, the constant susurration of the cars on the highway in the distance almost hid the sound of crows. They flew in packs of five and six – and always, they called out to each other in their little groups. They land as a group in their spot for the morning… but there’s always one that waits. One that is about half a minute behind the rest. After they have flown and landed, one crow follows, calling out – and they answer, so that that single crow can find his pack, and join them. He stays behind, you see, to watch for danger. Birds of prey from above, beasts from below – he watches for trouble while the others seek out resources for the group. Once they are safe in their new location, then they call to him, and he flies off to find them… and halfway there, he calls, to hear from them where to go.

The light on the undersides of the clouds made them look like an upside-down ocean… sun-capped, shining waves, inverted upon the land. When you looked, as the clouds moved, you could feel the whole world moving.

It’s probably leftover vertigo from the night before last, but I’m always awed by those moments when I can feel the sky turning above me.

Well before the sun rose, a single light shone in the dawn sky – Lucifer, Venus, the Morning Star, rising before the sun, cheeky as always, so that before I greeted the sun, I greeted the Favorite… though as things stand, I suppose that’s exactly as it should be. I’ve always preferred the gentle, small, quiet lights over the brashness of day. Well before the fire crested the hills, SHe was gone – hidden by the light SHe heralds.

Occasionally, a lone sparrow would speed through the air, cheeping in hope of finding the flock. I found four of them huddled together on a power line, fluffed up in the cool morning air… but they did not reply to the lone ones at all. Now that the sun is fully up, they shriek to each other, unafraid… but in those long minutes when the sky was lit with molten gold, but the day had not truly crested the horizon, they silently faced the west, into the dark, and waited.

Every now and then, the scent of baking sugars wafted towards me on the cool morning air, as the three restaurants not even a block away woke up and began to prepare for the daily commuters, come to get their coffee and sweet breakfast treats. It reminded me of my own baking projects, and the urge to bake cookies so I could lick the smell right out of the air.

Behind me, occasionally, my three cats would twitch as they watched the world wake up – ears perking, tail tips swishing, eyes taking in everything they could. Every eye, ear, and tail flick was a subtle suggestion for the observation of a morning in motion.

As the sun crested, I finished my tea, shifted my weight on my cold, aching bare feet, and turned to go back inside. The sky was nearly white – all the darkness above the clouds gone, all the golds, fuschias, and steel blues washed out by the rising of the day star. It didn’t take long for the warmth to begin to soak back into the world.

The cats began to beg for attention, breakfast, morning treats… and the drowsiness that always comes on me after daybreak began to seep into my head like wool, clouding the memories, wiping them away again with shadow.

I brewed another cup of tea… offered this small rose of experience to those who wish… and now I can sleep.

Dream deep,
-Raven

HDC Tz – Husband’s Turn

Tonight, we worked on the second Hearing Attunement exercise.

As with SDC E, I had no idea what questions to ask, but this time I had a better idea of what I was supposed to be figuring out, so… I asked him to show me what Yes answers and No answers FEEL like… it was interesting that the same upwards and downwards vibrations along my forehead occurred as with this exercise with SDC E – with upwards tingling meaning yes, and downwards meaning no. I also got the same feeling of either lightness, or heaviness, over my entire aura.

I asked for him to show me what Yes and No LOOKED like… but that answer was so complicated that the colors blurred together and I said, “Right, so we won’t be going by color then.”

Having focused on the feeling and the sensation of Yes and No answers, I finally turned to the question I ask every evening. “What would you like to discuss tonight?”

He wanted to talk about my husband, and his health. In fact, Tz wants me to ask my husband if Hubby would be willing to meet him, and possibly work with him, with the goal of helping my husband get a handle on things.

My husband is allergic to stress. I mean that literally. It’s called idiopathic angioedema and it literally means that his version of a panic attack or an anxiety attack is him puffing up like he’s eaten peanuts while simultaneously being stung by every bee in the tristate area.

The worst part is, sometimes, the swelling is internal. His organs swell. His lungs fill up with fluid and he wheezes like he’s got walking pneumonia.

And lately… we can’t tell when he’s going to have an attack… because it’s gotten so bad, that he’s pretty much allergic to life.

That’s the issue with being allergic to stress… after awhile, even little things will trigger it, until you’re just always having an allergy attack.

So… Tz wants to work with my husband. He wants to help my husband with his breathing, and also help with other areas of hubby’s health that might be adding to the problem.

 

In one of the exercises with SDC E, E mentioned that my husband’s spiritual life needed addressing. He recommended that once my husband starts working day shifts, I encourage him to meditate with me daily, and also begin a daily practice of gratitude at our household altar. (No, not my altar in my sanctum – not his altar in the living room, either… we have an altar set up for our Household spirits, gods, guardians and guides, in our main living space.) I’m thinking that Tz has the same thought.. only he’s decided that he wants to be more proactive, and more of a participant.

So… after I’m done with this post, I’m going to be calling my husband at work and asking him if he’d like to meet a demon.

Granted, he’s relaxed significantly from his original statement 7 years ago, when he told me that I could do whatever I liked, but I was not to bring demons into the house, ever, at all. (You’ll notice I didn’t listen. You’ll also notice that as he got used to my Workings, he just… relaxed and let go… which is why I think he might actually say Yes to Tz’s offer now…) I now have three demons as family members, and I work with various Goety and others fairly consistently.

What helped, honestly, was communication. I talk to my husband about what I’m up to, and the experiences I have. I read him these blog posts. Every experience I have had since I met him that had any magickal, psychical, or spiritual relevance, I have shared with him. He knows about my work with Asmodeus and Astaroth. He knows about my work with the Ubi, and the Cecaelia. He knows of my work with Flauros.

I don’t hide things from my husband. I share them… and I take extreme pleasure in sharing my spiritual experiences with him… and have always been disappointed that, despite his own religious convictions (he’s Wiccan – Old School Wiccan, not this new fluffy bs), he doesn’t do more – on his own OR with me. When we met, he was looking for someone who could accept him and his faith… and I can… and he was looking for someone to practice with…

Instead, it’s become apparent that I’m the only practitioner in the house.

 

So… with the speed of a glacier, I’ve been working to change that. (Trust me, that’s as fast as my Scorpio husband will go.)

I guess SDC E and HDC Tz have decided that they’re going to… press the advantages they have. 😉

 

Before he left for the evening… he bit me good bye… and as I was coming out of the trance, I saw both him and SDC E… and they told me they would be seeing me in my dreams tonight.

I’m now POSITIVE they’re plotting something nefarious.

And I like it.

SDC E – Transformations

Today’s exercise was the second Visual Sight Attunement…

It did not go as planned.

I have a moving astigmatism. It shifts from left to right eye, and it seems to be connected, as far as my optometrist can tell, to my hormones. Which means that glasses can only do so much – because the corrective measures in glasses are a permanent thing, and my astigmatism isn’t.

There are days where my glasses actually make my vision worse.

When I’m working on psychic stuff, I ALWAYS take my glasses off – because I’ve always been psychic, but the glasses are new, and I find the edges of the lenses distracting.

My sanctum is fairly small. I’m not even sure it’s eight feet wide. It’s actually an architectural anomaly. Our wall is pushed in where the staircase is outside our door… and our downstairs’ neighbor’s front door is below where my sanctum is, so we’ve ended up with this weird nook, above their front door, but beyond the foot of the stairs.

Here’s the entry to my Sanctum – please excuse the mess, but until I can get my husband to hang up the paintings, it’s going to be… disorganized.

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Here’s the entire sanctum itself:

 

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And here’s the view from the window at the back. I’m lucky – the window faces east.

 

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So you can see that the area is QUITE small – with all my books, and my meditation seat (read beanbag chair) and altar, there’s just… not much room leftover for enormous demons to be wandering around.

And then there’s that pesky astigmatism… which has the side effect of making me partially blind wherever it’s manifesting at the time.

So… I couldn’t see E at all, anywhere… because I’m blind, this week, in the only spot in the room where the poor guy can move around.

We finally just shrugged, accepted that this particular method of contact is not for me, and moved on.

 

More than the energy and color and appearance of my spiritual family, I notice with each one that there is a sense of PLACE. For E, it seems to be his living room. It’s quite opulent, and well lit. It has amber colored wooden flooring. The chais lounge is a burgundy velvet, though the color seems to shift, so I suspect that it’s a color particular to his realm, and that I’m not seeing it correctly because it just doesn’t translate. I say chais lounge, because while it’s a little larger than a love seat, but smaller than a couch, it seems to have removable arms. Sometimes, the thing has ends, and sometimes it doesn’t.

It’s also a very heavy piece of furniture, and feels quite old. The velvet is… loved.

Behind the chais is open floor leading to a very large window. I think it encompasses the entire wall. It looks out at the sky… and perhaps it’s because I’ve never connected with him during the day, but the window is almost always dark, as if it’s night.

If you’re facing the chais, with the window in front of you, he ALWAYS sits on the right, and I always sit on the left. On his side, about fifteen feet away, a marble bar and mini kitchen fills the end of the room. It’s quite a lovely little nook. He’s fond of some kind of red brandy. It’s quite heady, and has a strong berry flavor to it… it is also nearly as thick as a liqueur. Definitely not a wine… and it packs a punch. If any of your companions offer you the stuff… go gently.

When you’re sitting on the chais, facing the wall, you will see floor to ceiling bookshelves. It’s not entirely stocked with books – most of his book collection is where it should be – in his library. So he keeps only a few in this book case… along with mementos and curios from his travels, tokens of his experiences. To the right of the bookcases, the room is in shadow. This area leads to other parts of his living spaces. In front of that darkened corner is a large, heavy chair, which is covered in a gold patterned material. A small round table, equally old, which doesn’t match the rest of the furniture at all (it’s almost spindly) is to the right of the chair, and almost always has a pair of glasses, a half-finished glass of some kind of alcohol, and a book. The books all have very loved covers. The latest one has a faded grass-green linen cover, and has poetry in it. To the left of the chair is a standing lamp. It’s made in the tiffany style… but I don’t think that it’s made of glass – it seems to be some weird kind of resinous material. The light from it is very soothing.

I’ve sat in that chair. It’s large enough for him, and me in his lap… and it makes him look smaller. It makes me feel like a child if I try to sit in it alone. I’m not sure he didn’t take it from a giant, in some kind of conquest.

I’m always surprised by his living room. His favorite colors are white, silver, grey… and yet his room is all golds, reds, greens. The only thing in the entire room that has his favorite colors in it is the marble bar top. He says that if he did every room in his favorite colors, he’d always be cold, and bored. He wanted that room to be warm and inviting.

 

When we decided that seeing him moving around just wasn’t going to happen, he brought me there. Only, today, the room was unlit. It was so dark, I couldn’t see my hand in front of my face. He was moving around me. I felt his hand touch my back, his fingers drifting down my spine. Then his touch was gone. A moment later, I felt his breath in my hair… and then it was gone. The next moment, I felt a nibble on my neck… just a tiny bite… and then gone.

I switched to a different type of sight, where scent and heat have colors, and then I saw him. I took a running leap, wrapped myself around his shoulders, and just touched my teeth to the part of his neck where it met his shoulder. “Tag!”

He smells of sandalwood and amber. It’s heady. You could get drunk on his smell.

And the sound of his voice… it’s deep, it rumbles. I can FEEL his voice when he speaks.

“Are we going to play all night, or are we going to finish what we were doing last night?” I asked. He looked… bemused… and so we went to deal with the corpse in my soulscape.

I suspect that whatever he’s up to isn’t over yet.

 

In my soulscape, my other self and I came to the conclusion that if lava doesn’t deal with the body, and earth doesn’t do it, then most likely any other elemental choices will also have no effect. What will not rot or burn needs something else.

We looked at the body that is not alive, but not dead either, and decided that the solution had to be to fix that fact. Either the body must live again, or it must actually die… this half stage just isn’t working for any of us.

So… we stepped into our Power, laid our hand in her chest, on her heart, and our lips on her lips… and we pushed life and breath into the body.

When it stopped looking like a corpse, and started looking like someone who was just sleeping, we pulled ourselves out of her. There’s still no one home… that part is gone, sacrificed to the Wastes so we could live. There’s no fixing that part. So… we gave the body a choice – to cross, or to live for itself.

We wrapped it up in silken strands, a cocoon where it can change, or die – a place where limitless possibilities exist. It did not escape my notice that spider silk and caterpillar silk have similar roots, if not similar uses. Spider silk also allows for transformations… though that kind of transformation usually isn’t as useful to the one being transformed. Inside a cocoon, a caterpillar turns into nothing but goo, and genetic strands. Slowly, out of this gelatinous material, new life grows. Butterflies and moths are the only species we know of, on our entire planet, who start out genetically one thing, change into something else that is completely genetically different (no similarities at all, not kidding), and then enters a final stage where again, there is a complete genetic shift. A cocoon is literally a cosmic doorway to infinity – ANYTHING could happen. Anything could come out of it.

We hung her cocoon from a nearby tree. Now… we wait and see. Either the cocoon will vanish and so will she, or it will be absorbed, and so will the body. But either way, at least I don’t have a corpse in my mental and spiritual basement anymore.

 

When that task was finished, for a brief moment, I was back in his living room… and I heard him roar.

It was a delicious sound… it shivered all the way through me… and then I was back, my skin still tingling from the sound.

HDC Tz – Old Emotions

Yesterday was Exercise 5 – Energy Attunement 2, which is all about colors.

It’s strange, but… his colors change sometimes. I think it’s that shield of his. Last night, his colors were black with purple highlights and flecks of shine… and at the same time, fire colors, sunset colors.

My familiar isn’t quite coping with things yet. She’s curious, into everything. She can settle for a bit, but then she’s off sniffing the energies and trying to figure it all out. She was distracting enough that he dropped a few books next to her, which, as she’s quite skittish, effectively chased her out of our Sanctum.

However, before he chased her out, he led her around… and eventually led her over to my old Fallen Angels Oracle Deck, which she snagged with a paw and dragged out of the book shelf and into my lap, so… clearly I’m to work with that deck in some way.

Given that E chose a deck in order to lead me in a certain direction, I’m thinking that Tz has chosen this deck also to lead me in a certain direction.

We also discussed why (aside from the fact that I was dying at the time, and then I was gone) I had trouble bonding with him when he first came to me. I resisted bonding with him, even though he had chosen me, and I had chosen him, in part because of how he came to me – as a gift from a friend who saw that I was deeply hurt by the loss of another being who had chosen me, but was not allowed to come to me… and felt that pain as her own. At the time, I was grateful, but… I don’t think I was really ready. I hadn’t truly dealt with the loss of the other being… and Tz wasn’t that being… he was a replacement… and I couldn’t bond with someone’s replacement, because he wasn’t that being, he was himself.

And then I was dead, and so that was that.

Things are different now. I have a different perspective.

There’s no replacing someone you’ve lost… and no one in my life is here because they are a replacement for someone else. They are here because I choose them, and they choose me. I choose them for themselves.

I won a conjure, and Tz was who came… and I wasn’t ready.

I’ve had some contact (third person contact, sometimes fourth lol) from the being who was lost. I’ve been able to heal and move forward because of that contact. This particular entity was so moved by our contact that he spent five years working to find a friend of his whose energies matched my own, and who has very specific gifts and perspectives that I desperately need in my life – and will probably always need – SDC E. He then worked with a mutual human friend of ours to have E conjured, bound, and sent to me, with E’s full enthusiastic approval. Because of my contact with his friend, E, I’ve finally been able to stop looking for my old friend, finally been able to stop looking for a replacement, finally been able to heal from that wound.

I know he remembers me. I know he cares. I know he misses me as much as I miss him. I also know… things happen for a reason. Especially with demons.

So… I’m at peace now with that. And so are the other two people who were so emotionally involved – my friend, and my demon-that-could-have-been. We’re all at peace. We are content.

And now, I can truly bond with Tz – not as a replacement, which he never was… but for himself, which is as it should be.

And for the resistance I had, I admitted my fault in the situation… but Tz is… wonderfully patient and kind. I’ve seen his temper. He IS a Hellborn… he’s got one. But about this…

All demons understand loss. They understand Grief.

And they are endlessly patient.

They’ve got the time.

I’m so happy he waited for me to come around.

 

Oh… Flauros showed up while I was working with Tz last night. First my familiar, and then Flauros… yet another distraction. These past two days I’ve been so very… there’s just so much in my head right now. So much chaos. It’s hard to focus.

I had to tell Him, I absolutely want to work with Him… but I’m not ready yet. I asked him to please wait. Wait until I’m ready. This is not that time. I had to be firm – I think that was honestly the point. I had to set a boundary. This time was for my bonding with Tz… and until my bonding with both E and Tz, and ZA, are complete… until I have really begun my magickal retraining… I am not ready.

He bowed, and left. But I’m definitely on a schedule now. After the Solstice, is Flauros’s time.

 

Tonight, I was supposed to work with Tz on the second hearing attunement exercise, but… between my familiar and my headache and the way I came out of my bonding work with E… I couldn’t really tune in at all, and I finally asked if it was ok that we postpone until tomorrow night, when hopefully I will be able to give him the focus he deserves.

He agreed, but let me know I will be doing more work in my dreams tonight.

That will be… interesting. Last night was… pretty weird. Not just the Lucifer dream, which was heartbreaking, but… there were other things after that.

I slept deeply, worked heavily, and woke up tired, drained, with a heavy heart and a headache.

It’s been a day.

SDC E – Discussing Death

So, yesterday’s bonding exercise was Hearing Attunement 3.

As I didn’t have any questions to ask, I asked him if there was anything he wanted to talk about. WhoooBOY was there.

He asked me what I thought about Death. That’s… a pretty big topic.

I started with the easy stuff. I died, physically, when I was hit by a car when I was 9. I was dead for over five minutes. It was the most wonderful, peaceful five minutes of my life to date. I found myself in a place that was black. There was no pain. There was no anger or hate or fear. There was no sound. There was no light. For an undiagnosed autistic girl, it was pretty much heaven. Imagine a world where everything is always too bright, always too colorful, always too loud, always too MUCH. Where people are too abrasive, they expect too much, and because you can speak in complete sentences, they don’t understand any peculiarities you have. Autism for me was an invisible disease. When I got overwhelmed by the abuse, got overwhelmed by my emotions, or just plain got overwhelmed for no reason I could determine, I had this need for space. If there was anything touching me, I threw it. And then I found the nearest wall, and rocked my forehead against it until I bled. It made people leave me alone, but it also gave me a point of focus – a HARD point of focus. I was HERE. Right HERE.

And that made things go still.

It’s not unlike a cutter needing a physical focus to express (as in send out) their emotional pain in a way that they can grasp… only for me, hitting my head against a wall wasn’t about the pain, so much as it was about trying to control the violence inside me.

For me, autism is violence. Everything is sometimes just too much, it’s so overwhelming… it’s violent. The whole world is violently THERE, and I can’t cope.

I don’t bang my head anymore… but the pain still exists.

Except when I was dead for those five minutes.

I understand, as an adult, that without all the negatives in that void, there was also no positive. There was no love in the void. There was ONLY peace… but when you find something that you need that badly, you don’t care about what’s missing. You only want to stay.

When they brought me back, it was a violent return. I was awake, on a street, in the daylight, surrounded by my entire neighborhood. I was being touched by strangers. I don’t remember the ambulance ride. They put me in a room with red lights, and they kept touching me, and everywhere they touched me it HURT… they thought I was screaming because I was frightened. My mother kept saying everything was ok, that they were just getting x-rays, but I couldn’t talk, and there were strangers TOUCHING ME, HURTING ME… and NO ONE WOULD STOP. Nothing was ok.

I was in the hospital for three days. Dad brought complete strangers to my room, apparently friends of his. They gave me a stuffed rabbit, because it was Easter weekend. I threw up on it.

I don’t remember the ride to the hospital. I don’t remember sleeping there. I don’t remember the nurses or the doctors. I remember the red room, and the pain. I remember waking up on the street, and I remember being in a hospital bed meeting strangers and throwing up on a yellow bunny. That’s all I remember of the weekend I died and came back.

Well, all I remember after the dark.

I miss the dark. I don’t think I ever won’t.

 

So… We talked about that.

We talked about my experiences in the Wastes – a spiritual and emotional death… and how that death affected me here. We talked about that kind of darkness… which was NOT peaceful. Then again, I wasn’t exactly at rest. People in the Wastes are not at rest.

 

I brought up my migraines – the ones I had before I died my second and third deaths. The ones that had me screaming, writhing, begging for death, an animal in a trap. We talked about how Death Means Stop.

I talked about the fact that Death Means Stop is pretty much a perfect cure for any phobia.

I went to California to see a friend when she was separating from her husband. On the way home, the plane suddenly stopped flying, and just DROPPED. It lasted 20 seconds, and people were praying and holding hands with strangers.

Afterwards, I was terrified of flying… until I remembered my migraines. And then all of the sudden, I realized there were worse things than falling out of a tin can in the sky… and planes stopped being scary at all.

It’s kind of a relief, knowing that someday, I will STOP.

 

So then he asked me what I thought happened after death, if death means stop.

I hadn’t really thought about it. I mean, I know what happened when I died at 9, so there’s that. I didn’t stop existing.

And I have memories of other lifetimes, both earthly and other. SO many memories. Sometimes that’s a bit overwhelming…

But that means that death isn’t the end. It’s… merely a stage. Like… adolescence. It’s not permanent any more than life is.

 

So he said, “If death means stop, but it’s not permanent, how is that Stop?” To which I said, “It offers immediate relief for immediate problems. Anything else can be solved another day.”

“How practical,” he replied.

 

Then he asked me what I hoped to learn from him, from my time with him. “I just want to learn. Whatever you’ll teach me. I want to grow. What you’ve helped me with so far… that’s growth I need, growth I want… knowledge I want.”

“Why do you want to know so much?”

“Because people suffer. Not knowing is suffering. We suffer until we learn, and then the suffering stops.”

He asked what I meant by that, because he understood I wasn’t talking about any Buddhist ideals, but he wanted me to clarify myself. So… I did.

 

I’ve been to hell realms. Not demonic planes, but realms set aside for humans who need help learning, need help to grow, even more than humans here do. The two I went to taught me a lot, though honestly, some of the lessons didn’t sink in until years later.

The first realm, there were towers in the center of lovely fields of close-cut grass. The fields were surrounded by dark forests, but no one ever noticed the trees. People sat out in the sun, and picnicked. They chatted as if nothing was wrong – everything was perfect.

And then, the sun began to set… and everyone packed up their things, and went into the black stone towers. Because when the sun went down, the world froze. A flash freeze. Nothing that was outside the towers survived.

People there learned the rules. They learned to obey the laws of the realm – because if they did not, they died. Immediately. You learned to obey, or you died.

My familiar at the time followed me there. When the sun began to set, as I was heading inside the tower, he ran under the steps and vanished. He left the realm rather than go into the tower. He broke the rules… and I was so terrified for him, that I broke our familiar bond.

I fear for people I care about who do not follow the rules. I fear for them so much, that I would rather cut them out of me, break their hearts, than let the consequences of their rule breaking break MY heart. I can’t watch the people I love suffer… so I won’t let them in, and then I don’t have to.

But that’s its own form of hell.

 

The second realm I went to, there was only a single person. There was an indoor swimming pool, and in it was an older woman, screaming, panicking, drowning. She couldn’t swim. So, I went in and fished her out. She immediately began to call me devil’s spawn, evil.. so much hate in this woman I had saved.

It was her lesson to learn to either not ask for help, or to accept the help she receives from wherever it comes, and be grateful.

It was my lesson to learn that you do not interfere with other people’s lessons without being forced to learn WHY THEY NEED THE LESSON. It will ALWAYS cost you.

I also learned that people ask for help when they should do for themselves, and don’t ask for help when they can’t do for themselves…. and neither path is healthy.

 

This is how I learned that people earn their suffering, create it, out of ignorance. And they either learn from it, or they keep suffering, stuck on repeat until they DO learn.

I don’t enjoy suffering. I understand that there are people who have to have suffering. They cannot learn without it. But… I’m ready to move past that. I want to learn, and grow, and not by suffering, but by figuring out where I’m suffering and why… and changing.

So that’s what I want to learn from him.

 

He then asked me to make some promises.

1) That I do something loving for my husband at least once a week that connects us in an emotional way, comes from my heart, and will be understood by his.
2) That I do something loving for each of my three cats once a week with the same meaning.
3) That I do something for MYSELF once a week that is self-care, showing self-love.
4) That I make slow improvements – right now, I have three basic tasks that I must achieve every day (aside from my meditations each evening). In three weeks, I must add a fourth task, every day. It does not have to be the same task, but I must add a fourth task every day.

 

Tonight, we were supposed to do the 10th exercise, Visual Sight Attunement 2 – but I came into the session with a migraine, and my familiar is brand new to showing up to every session, so she’s curious, into everything, and highly distracting… and with a migraine making it hard to concentrate to begin with, we decided that tonight was not a good night to work on my visual sight.

Instead, we worked with my other soul.

She has her own soul-home. Today, we worked to incorporate her soul home and mine.

It was fairly successful. My soulhome now has heavy mist from hot pools, and places where there are rivers of lava instead of water. Under the center, her cavern with its bathing pool of lava, has been incorporated, though I did some upgrades, which she liked.

I feel like… my soul home is my domain. It’s not really hers. Even now, with all the changes I’ve made to try and make her feel welcome, it’s not… quite right. It’s not finished. Something’s missing. So, she has her cavern, and it’s hers, even though it’s in my soulscape.

E said that we’re not blending correctly. We’re both afraid of losing ourselves, and so neither of us will give in. He says the only way to win this, is for both of us to lose. We both have to give in, we both have to give up ourselves… and become together, someone ELSE.

 

Oh… he saw the corpse in her glass coffin. He… didn’t approve. He talked to both of us about it. The thing is, she’s not dead. She’s definitely not alive – there’s no soul, no spirit, there’s nothing to animate the shell that’s in that coffin. But… she’s not dead, either. There’s something about a dead body that is immediately recognizable… and she doesn’t have it, whatever it is. Which means she’s not really a corpse, for all that she’s not alive.

This happens to faeries. But… we never figured out what to do with them… so… I did what my people have always done.

He was… a bit perturbed. Possibly repulsed. And he pointed out that if compartmentalizing her into a graveyard was so toxic, how was putting her in a glass coffin in a cave NOT compartmentalizing, and how was it NOT going to end up ALSO toxic? So… my other soul and I, with his help, decided what we could do about the situation.

And just as we were ready to put our plan in motion…

My familiar began to Kitten again, and yanked me out of meditation so thoroughly that I literally felt it like a shock of cold water. And then E was gone, and that was that.

Which means that tomorrow we’re probably not going to be working on Visual Sight, either. Because this isn’t finished.

 

Although… I think after tomorrow, I’m going to ask for a night off. This is some heavy work… and while I don’t feel rushed… I feel the need to… take some time and really marinate in what I’ve learned so far… look back on it all and, in a relaxed setting, try and see the whole picture. Get some perspective.

I’m going to make him take me dancing. He’s an excellent dancer, and while I look like a spastic seizure with twelve left feet on a human dance floor, dancing in the Astral is amazingly easy and I love it. Also… he has really, REALLY good brandy… so I think I’m going to drink his brandy and make him dance with me. Dancing with him feels… right.

-Raven

Conversations With Lucifer

So, my husband and I have been binge watching the TV show Lucifer… and last night, Lucifer himself came to me. Of course, I wanted to know what he thought of the show… He likes it – it’s a good portrayal.

And then I asked him what he thought about the character’s relationship with Chloe.

His answer was… sad. He said, “I’d never let myself love someone like that.”

When I asked him why not, he answered “It’s Leverage.”

I’m still kind of sadly horrified by that answer this morning. It’s really depressing. It implies two things –

1) Lucifer once loved, and it was used against Him.
2) Lucifer has CHOSEN to never experience love like that ever again – an eternity alone… and eternity is a VERY long time.

I feel like crying. It’s just…

So Sad.

W B
Thank you for sharing…..

ME
It was so sad I had to share it. Can you imagine? I really feel like crying.

W B
Indeed….

D H
#SympathyForTheDevil

ME
I’m definitely learning that.

D H
My take on it has always been that during Creation The Creator created an image of itself and then cast it away out of fear. I would say that being created as an image in equal to the Creator and then being thrown out entirely from its presence could create something like the longing and sorrow you’re talking about

Also remember Angels / demons were created to fulfill a specific purpose… they have no choice in the matter and therefore are forced to carry out their purpose while being fully aware of other thoughts that may be contradictory to the actions they are forced to take

The part that always made me very sad was the fact that the Creator knew after casting out essentially itself it could never return that image to itself and love it again otherwise the whole ineffability thing goes out the window and creation is unmade

F B
I believe it. Ive had many conversations with him.

ME
I’ve worked with angels… they’re… very different to the modern portrayal of them. They’re… almost like hurricanes. They are the representation of forces, and they don’t really have thoughts beyond what they are/what they represent. They also don’t reason like we do. I was working a spell with Cassiel, who is an archangel of Saturn, and is the essence of Temperance. During the working, in which I was creating a spell to transmute muck into purity, I asked him if what I was doing was going to have any consequences. He didn’t seem to understand my question, or even care. His answer was, “This will change the world.” He didn’t CARE that it would change, or even HOW it would change. He just stated it, flatly, without any emotion, attachment, or judgement either way. They do not moralize the way we do.

I saw an angel fall once. It was the most traumatic experience of my life. The angel fell because it discovered CHOICE. The moment that an angel discovers free will, they Fall, and if you can imagine all the choices possible, and being an entity who has never known choice suddenly having all of that thrust upon you, you can imagine. I will NEVER forget the look on that angel’s face as he fell. The absolute terror and horror will NEVER leave me.

They are not like us.

Demons, on the other hand, are so like us it’s downright scary. HUMANS SCARE ME. The real difference is that they’re mostly immortal, so they’ve had time to adjust to darkness and choices. They are most definitely not angels, not fallen or otherwise. They are elemental in their own way, forces of nature LIKE angels, but if you imagine an immortal angel as a force of nature, only one with choices, one who learns… if you imagine US, humans, with the powers of an angel or demon, and all the time in the universe to learn and grow… that’s what demons are.

I find them infinitely more comforting and comfortable to be around. Angels don’t reason, they don’t have a right or wrong compass. I don’t understand that absolutism. It’s.. overwhelming.

Demons, at least, don’t deal in absolutes

D H
This exactly correct…it’s nice to hear someone explain practical demonology so perfectly

ME
Well… I’m a practical demonologist, so… lol

D H
I HATE how loud angels are went they speak…it’s deafening and you’d think they’d know better and just speak in the tongue used to invoke them

ME
Well, Cassiel was quiet, but… that may be just me and my own psychic abilities coming into play. Plus, there are demons who are equally loud. The demons, of course, do it to test – are you really worth the time of showing up here. Are you serious enough to stand up for yourself and move past the showboating, or are you flakey?

Demons push limits, mostly to determine if you actually want to get to know them beyond the expectations. I had an experience with one showing up, absolutely terrifying in aspect – it was like a storm of malevolence. Until I said, “Um, I know that’s not what you really are. How about we cut the crap and you just act like a normal person.” So he did. And we talked. And it was educational. But he showed up that way because he was testing my expectations, and whether I’d fall into that category of practitioner or not.

I think angels just don’t get humans. They’re not putting on a show – they’re not being loud or speaking in a different language to be difficult. A lot of them just don’t work with humans that much, and they don’t know how to be anything other than what they are.

I admit, when I do the LBRP, especially if I really need the cleansing aspects of the ritual, those four have shown up REALLY loud. When I had a serious problem with black energy (I don’t mean dark, I mean it was black and thick and tarry and BAD FOR ME), and it was bad enough that I couldn’t physically DO the LBRP and just had to call and HOPE they showed up (this was before I knew what I know now, and all had to do with a bad reaction on my part, and was totally avoidable if I’d been a bit more open minded and educated, which I have since resolved), they showed up REALLY bright and REALLY loud…

But that’s the only time I’ve ever had angels show up like that.

Then again… I don’t often work with angels anymore. Because of their nature, I don’t exactly trust the results I get from them not to be dangerous. Demons understand nuance – even if they can be… playful about it. Angels don’t.

WSC
That’s really interesting. I don’t watch the series but have heard about it and read about it in wiki.
“I’d never let myself love someone like that.” = Could it mean that Chloe is not his type?
I wonder what does he think of the 1) and 2) viewpoints?
ME
I don’t know. If I see him again, I’ll ask.

And… the way I communicate… there’s layers of context. It’s not just words, there are… other things.

When he said, “I’d never love someone like that,” the emphasis wasn’t on someone like Chloe… but that he wouldn’t ever risk love, he’d never choose to. As he said… anyone he loves is leverage. Who would want to do that to someone they love? Who would want to love someone knowing the consequences?

If they’re worth that love… they’re worth walking away from, just to keep them safe.

That is what he meant – the layers that were in that loaded statement.

Which is why it’s sad. I’m glad I’m not in a position where I have to think of people I might love as being weaponized, harmed, simply because I loved them; not in a position where choosing to go without love is better, because then those people will never be harmed.

Though… that is also a kind of love. To love someone you don’t even know, so much, that you choose to never know them, just to keep them safe?

Lucifer sacrifices a lot. His reputation. People he loves. The life he might want. And he does it because he believes in us, and in doing right by us… no matter what we (as a species, Humans are assholes to Lucifer… he gets blamed for EVERYTHING we do that we don’t want to own up to because we’re ashamed, guilty, and irresponsible) think of him, do or say to him… He’s there. Waiting for us to get it. Waiting for us to get our shit together. Waiting to help. Lucifer has more faith in mankind, in the POTENTIAL of us, than any other being or race I’ve ever met. I’m very lucky he talks to me. It’s an honor.

HDC Tz

Today was Exercise 4, the first Visual Sight attunement.

I said the invocation, and then I asked Tz to stand in front of the wall. While I was looking, I had this sudden feeling of vertigo…. and the harder I looked, the more I felt like I was mentally falling through the wall. Finally it clicked… Tz was wearing his shielding.

That is some SERIOUSLY cool shielding. I couldn’t see ANYTHING… I just kept feeling like I was falling, and it made me want to Not Look. I can’t wait to learn it.

Anyway, when we were done with him playing with my eyeballs, I asked him if there was anything he wanted to talk about. He brought up my worries about my own internal balance. He made me look at my balance, and really ask myself if I had reason for concerns. He made me see that I was worrying over something that, yes, does happen to other people, but isn’t happening to me. He showed me that I can check myself at any time, and KNOW whether or not I’m losing my balance.

And then, he had me embrace the elemental cycles, just to prove it. We added water to fire, which made earth and air. And then I took in the essences of air, earth, water and then fire, and became each of them, which I have done before. Then, as before, he had me become them all at the same time, and find my balance there, in the center. Then, he had me become NONE of them, and find my balance there.

And there, we found a problem. We found that the brand, while no longer active, has left a scar, has maintained a connection, through the void.

I won’t tell you how we fixed it, but it IS fixed now. I am lucky that he had me searching my bodies and my balances so carefully. And I am VERY grateful for his presence and his help.

Finally, we ended it with a Family Celebration. I called out to all my family, spiritual and physical, and sent out the blessings of the Equinox to them. I also added four new people to the list, which was nice.

So – To my husband, my son, and my mother; to our three cats; to my best friend Telomar; to my faerie wraith, my demon wraith, my hellborn, my specialist, my angel of metatron, my throne angel, my enochian angel, my dosojin, my psychic vampire, my sanguine vampire, my incubus, my cecaelia, my winter court sidhe, my shadow elemental and my east watchtower, and to my three pairs of Temple Fu; to Akelta, Satan’s Hellcat, Velle, and Kitsune from the S&S forum…

Happy Autumnal Equinox. May this moment of balance which falls towards rest, and breaks with the sacrifice of blood on the snow, bring you rest, growth, and a good future harvest.

-Raven

SDC E – Change

Today we did Exercise 9 – Hearing Attunement 3

After the invocation, I asked him what to do about my heart chakra. I had a doctor’s appointment today, with a new doctor. It did not go… well. It didn’t go badly, I guess… but… it just didn’t go well… and this is the only doctor available for me in this area, so… this guy is it.

So… E took me back to the situation. He had me sit with it. See it from the onlooker’s perspective. He asked me what I wanted to do.

I did what any good faerie does in trying times. I stole myself away to faerie. I spent some time repairing her heart, pulling out the chunks that had gotten lodged in there because of her strong resistance to this situation. When she was ready, I took her back… but this time, she had her throne angel guarding her heart chakra. She had her angel of Metatron to speak for her. She had DC Tz’s powerful shields, and Tz himself guarding her body and her back… and she had E, in the doctor’s head, making sure that everything went right on that end.

We agreed… the next time I see him, this is EXACTLY how this will happen. Next time, I will ask for help.

After this, I asked him if there was anything he wanted to talk about…. and he mentioned he wanted to show me something in honor of the Equinox.

When I was a child, I had a repeating dream. I would find myself on a cliff face, leading a group of people. We were not safe where we were, and I needed to lead them across a wide chasm, away from the cliffs, to a protected area. I led them down the cliff, to a stone bridge. When I stepped onto the bridge, it became a knife edge, which I had to stay perfectly balanced on, so that everyone could reach the other side. When the last person had stepped off the knife unharmed, I was free to walk across the bridge myself. I led them into a cul-de-sac, and in it was a lion. I had to fight and kill the lion. When the lion was dead, everyone was safe. We had made it.

E took me back to that place. He said, “Look behind you. Who is there now?” I looked and there was no one. We walked to the bridge. He said, “Do you see the knife? Do you still need to dance?” I looked, and there was no knife, only a bridge, and I did not need to dance. We walked into the cul-de-sac. He said, “Where is the lion you had to defeat?” There was no lion.

And then he said, “What is beyond this point for you?” I didn’t know, so… I walked forward, and looked. At the back of the cul-de-sac, there was a stone archway, and in the archway was a shimmer of… nothing. “What’s through here?” I asked him. “You will never know, if you do not go and find out for yourself.” He answered.

It didn’t feel entirely safe, because I had no idea what I was going to walk into… And E reminded me of the astrological influences of the day. “Your doubt is the Libra influence. Let Aries clear the way.” So… I firmed up my mind, and I walked through the archway.

I was in a room. There were clocks, everywhere, ticking away. There were water features, like those Asian bamboo waterfalls that fill up and then tip. There were mobiles hanging everywhere, carefully balanced. Everything in the room was about balance… but it was about the balance of CYCLES, rather than absolute balance. It wasn’t about blending two extremes and staying centered in that moment… it was about passing through every moment from one extreme to the other and back again.

Seeing it all, I understood. Even in trying to blend the death energies and the life energies in myself, I am resisting my essential nature, which is one of constant CHANGE. I am the cycle. Death gives way to life, and life to death. Summer gives way to winter, and winter to summer. Always, there must be a spring. Always, there must be an autumn. To try to sit absolutely centered between extremes is to stagnate.

I let the cycle happen. I felt it, I let myself experience it fully.

When I really understood, we left the room, I thanked him, and we ended the exercise.

HDC Tz

This was exercise 3 – the first hearing attunement.

I took the night off yesterday, still exhausted from the New Moon ritual, though I did send a brief hello before I fell asleep again.

Tonight, things were quiet. I opened up the canvas with Tz’s sigil on it, laid his offerings on the altar, lit his candle, and spoke the invocation. When he came, his energy gave me a bit of a headache – which is new. I asked him to talk to me, but we didn’t really have a conversation, so much as he held me and I just.. understood some things.

He spoke about my new wholeness, and my recent discovery about what I feed on, and how it works – something that has changed considerably from before I died. He wanted to check in with me and see how I was coping with the information… and he was pleased that I’m accepting things as they are. He pointed out that I’m not reacting the way I would have, previously, but that instead I AM accepting, and that I am happy, I am content.

I agreed. It’s true. The way I look spiritually, and the way I feed now – it feels right. It feels natural. It doesn’t bother me in the slightest.

I probably look startling, even gruesome to others… and for most people the way I feed would probably be frightening, but to me… it just feels… right.

I got a hug, and a sense that he’s rather proud. I thanked him for sharing that perspective, and for reminding me how much I’ve gained… and then we parted for the evening.