9th Sunrise, January 20, 2018

Today’s sunrise was both successful and not.

I’ve been away for a week – I managed to get two sunrises in this week before today’s, but honestly, things have been a bit crazy, and I’ve been really struggling, so I just didn’t get them written up. The other four sunrises, I slept through.

Today’s sunrise, I got to listen to the wheet wheet peeps of the baby sparrows in the eves. I got to watch two tiny flocks of sparrows vanish into the field in front of the apartment… and I got to tell my husband that I really like to think about there being a “bird portal” there, because of how the birds always vanish before they land. It makes me laugh to think such whimsical thoughts.

I did not see any crows, or hear them this morning.

My husband, who was up most of the night (he’s still working nights for another three weeks), joined me on the porch with a beer. I was drinking chai. The scent of his beer occasionally wafted towards me, and it smelled like a very yeasty bread dough, and made me think I’d like to do some baking soon.

My husband was part of why I felt that this sunrise wasn’t a COMPLETE success. For one, he was running the car below us the entire time. Our Honda’s dashboard computer has a short in it, which causes it to continuously drain the battery even when the car is off, which means that if we don’t run the car for at least ten to fifteen minutes twice a day, we can’t start the car without a jump. Because of how much it will cost to fix the issue (it is a known issue, but requires replacing the entire dash console and computer and then programming the new computer, which is a difficult and time-consuming job and therefore not only parts-expensive, but also time-expensive), running it twice a day is the cheaper option right now. The other issue is that my husband has severe tinnitus, and because of this, he doesn’t cope well with long periods of silence. We would be silently contemplating the horizon, and I would JUST start sinking into the experience, when he would suddenly start talking, and throw my concentration out the window.

HOWEVER – The horizon was full of those cirrus clouds that are so fabulous at making a sunrise SPECTACULAR – and this one was DEFINITELY all that.

There were the usual mauves and purples around the edges, which slowly changed to so many oranges and reds and flames and yellows and baby turquoises, and greens and blues… I just don’t have words to name all the colors we saw this morning. It was absolutely glorious.

Even better was the energy I felt. Today, I felt the world SHIFT, felt the ENERGY shift. Even now, an hour later, I can still feel the way the energy is moving and how different it was from before dawn, and during dawn, and at the moment the sun rose. I also felt that… pause that comes right before the sun crests, where you can literally see the energy drawing back towards the horizon like the undertow of a tsunami, as if the universe breathes inwards, deeply… and then holds its breath for nearly ten minutes before that breath of power and energy and light floods back out into the world in a gigantic smashing wave, and then for another hour or so, you get little ripples over and over, like shivers over your aura and into your skin.

I haven’t felt that in five years.

I’m still working on reintegrating my senses, but clearly, I have taken yet another step forward in the process, and I am overjoyed at this newly-rediscovered sensitivity.

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Needs Met

I worked with King Paimon again this morning. However, I did not cast a circle (didn’t have time), or write His sigil on paper to be burned (again, no time) because I forgot what day it was until about three minutes to sunrise. I’m glad I remembered and was able to get into my ritual space, grab the bells, light His candle and some frankincense for Him, and begin chanting His Enn.

It didn’t take long for Him to come to me, once I settled into the energies. He again introduced me to King Asmoday, and He has instructed me to begin working with Asmoday as soon as possible. He also wants me to start working on my relationship with my husband (we have a really good relationship, but between our schedules, we’re not as close as He thinks a married couple should be) and so He has requested that I also devote one day a week to working with Rashoon.

To that end, my husband bought me two yellow 7day candles, and one pink one, some more frankincense incense (which he hopes will smell better than the frankincense that I use – except that his is just organic bulk, and mine was harvested by an incense specialist, by hand, from different types of frankincense producing plants all over the middle east, and is neatly stored in separate bags, by origin and type – eg, Beyo, Boswellia carteri, origin: Somalia; Cricognimu, Boswellia dalzielii, origin: Burkina Faso; etc – if you’re interested in the company, it’s Ethereal Aromas Incense Company http://www.eaincense.com/ and trust me They Are Worth It).

I’ve also agreed to start a new thread for my work with King Asmoday, and a thread for my work with Lady Rashoon. I’ve been told that the reason my post about my Journey work to fix the issue I had with rejecting my empathy was because it was work I did with Lord Asmoday, and therefore should have been on HIS thread, not on King Paimon’s thread, even though King Paimon brought King Asmoday in and introduced us to make sure I understood I should work with Him on that front.

 

One of the things that really struck me was, when I was asking if there was anything I needed to be doing, King Paimon stopped me, and said, “Is there anything YOU need?”

I immediately said, “No,” because there really isn’t… and then I realized I’d answered too quickly and not actually thought about it, which was what He wanted me to do – to THINK about What I Need…

So I did. I came to the same conclusion – there are some things in my life that aren’t very smooth, but there’s little that can be done about them, and aside from those hiccups that can’t be solved, I really have no needs or complaints. And maybe that’s the most important thing I got out of this morning – the realization that I have what I need.

King Asmoday has been with me almost every night – He always comes in the form of a dog with coyote colorings, including the banding – but still very definitely a dog – and I feel very safe and protected whatever we get up to. Some of what I’ve been dreaming just seems like nonsense, so I haven’t written it down, but I did take a moment this morning to let King Paimon know that the level of attention I was receiving was very comforting, and exactly what I’ve needed for so long – and knowing that King Paimon is behind King Asmoday’s coming to me every night, knowing that my Lord has an interest in the health of my relationships with others, knowing that if I DO need anything, I have someone I can ask who will respond, knowing that if there’s something I need that I don’t recognize, that He will step in and call my attention to it… it is so freeing, so soothing.

I am loved. I am lucky. It is enough.

8th Sunrise, Sunday the 14th of January

This morning’s sunrise was… a bit of a disaster, honestly.

On the up side, I got to share it with my husband.

On the down side… I got to share it with my husband.

It was cold. He didn’t want to be outside. I forgot, because he’s very distracting, bouncy and all over the place which disorganizes me mentally, that it was Sunday, and so had to rush inside and prepare for my ritual with my Patron… and my darling husband kept talking and moving and just generally shot my concentration to pieces every two seconds… and he hates the smell of frankincense…

Today, I’m going back to bed to try and reset my brain after all that.

I’ve realized, I’ve gotten used to my sunrises being MINE. My quiet time, my moment… which I am EXTREMELY jealous of.

 

On to my brief five senses exploration of the morning. This morning smelled of smoke, with a faint chemical after-tang, so people have been burning wood for heat again. I heard a couple of crows, quite far away, and enough of the peeper bird that I’m almost ready to say what kind of bird it is. I didn’t see any of my bird friends, but the sky was lovely, all copper and fire and rich red rose, fading into white and deep, dusky blues. The sun rose very quickly, and there was no wind, so while it was cold, it wasn’t unpleasantly so. My cheeks and ears and nose were unburned. Emotionally, I was… a bit strained. Disordered. My husband was rather grumpy – he thought we were going to watch the sunrise from inside, and when I tried to explain that you cannot experience a moment without being IN IT, he was a tad bit… miffed. I was unable to fully connect with the moment at all until he’d left the porch, and by that time I was so all over the place, and then I suddenly realized it was Sunday, and…

No connecting with the energies of the moment at all this time.

However, I consider this a valuable experience, and tomorrow, which I also plan to share with my husband, will not go as badly.

-Raven

7th Sunrise, Saturday the 13th of January

Today was clear, and very cold. So cold that I could not smell anything at all. The wind has died down – now it is only an occasional gust, just to remind us of the knives in its keeping.

The crows were very busy this morning. The sudden freeze has left them many meals, and they were shouting their celebrations to the world, thanking Winter for the bounty. I’m pretty sure I also heard gueese, but I did not see them. I also heard the peeping – it’s no longer coming from above the door to our complex, though. It seemed to be coming from much futher away. I didn’t get to see any birds mysteriously vanishing above the field across from me today, but I think I got to see the bat again. The dart-shaped bird was not in evidence, nor were any sparrows. I’m worried about them.

The traffic was light. The sky was cloudy enough to do a sunrise justice, but not cloudy enough to hide the sliver of the old moon – no longer wide enough to be a Cheshire moon, She will be New again, soon. I heard two planes flying – I don’t think it was the air force today. They sounded like twin engine planes, probably from the local airport. It’s a good day to fly.

The sunrise started with a stunning contrast of dusky blue grey clouds with brick red highlights. The clouds themselves were art – closer to the horizon, they were arcus clouds, crashing waves rolling up into the sky. They morphed into creamy golden feathers, airy wisps of cirrus. Finally, the dome of the sky was smothered in altocumulus, scattered and pocked with grey and ruby and gold.

In the very center of it all, a cumulonimbus cloud rose in firey glory, collecting the shades of lavender, wine, and buttery gold in one place, so that all that mauve and magenta had to share the rest of the horizon, drowning in airy whites and yellows. That tower of brick red, blood red, stood tall above the ambulance bay across the street, and as it grew in presence and deepened colors, the world seemed to move to the background, the silence of the portent swallowing every sound and movement.

It was hypnotizing.

Finally, the sun rose, and put all these dark moments away. The cold air allowed that fiery golden orb to swallow all the red, all the grey, even much of the blue… until all that was left was unapproachable light, the palest blue sky, and all those portentious clouds stripped of their grandure until they were only a pale, white presence, all gravitas gone.

And so, once again, the light rises, and we sigh in relief, safe from the monsters of the night. Isn’t it the most perfect illlusion?
-Raven

6th Sunrise, Friday the 12th of January

Well… today was… brutal. I didn’t stay out for more than a minute. Right now, it’s -9 C outside (16 F), and the wind is stalking around the building, digging its claws into every soft, warm surface it can, biting and cutting its way through the world.

I really do love the air, after a good snow storm, though. Even though we didn’t get much accumulation, the air is so crisp, so clean. This morning, there’s hardly any traffic on the roads, and beyond that quietude, there is another, subtler silence – the sound of animals gone to ground, to wait out the weather and see who survives.

The sky is gunmetal grey, solid – not even that hint of mauve – and even that hunting wind does not move the clouds.

It is as if I am alone on an island of icy breezes.

Even the grasses bend to the weather today, their dried out stalks kneeling and creaking. Occasionally they rise up, only to perform another salutary bow in a new direction, a wave of worship to the wind.

It was only a moment, before my cheeks were burning and the tip of my nose, numb. I scurried back inside as quick as I could, while still appreciating my moment of peace – thank goodness for hot cocoa. Today is definitely the day for it.

Inside, though. Definitely better served inside.
-Raven

5th Sunrise, Thursday the 11th of January.

Today, it’s finally actually raining, as opposed to misting. It was 14 C (47 F), and it’s expected to get to 17 (62), and then it will plummet to -9 (-15 F) by 3pm. The rain on the ground is expected to freeze very quickly, and any precipitation following will be ice, and eventually snow. Because it’s raining, they cannot treat the roads with salt – the roads have to be dry to pretreat them, so we’re expecting tonight to be a very loud night – the new ambulance bay across the street became operational on Monday.

The wind is quite brisk, and very warm. It was absolutely lovely. I’ve managed, finally, to collect some rain in my jars, so even if I can’t find the lancets, I will at least have fresh rainwater to offer on Sunday.

I really love wet, windy days, because you can truly see the many layers of the sky, and the different speeds of wind within those layers. Watching lower clouds, dark with rain, scuttle across the sky so quickly, while higher clouds are more ponderous and somber, I can actually BE the wind. It’s like a clear night, when you can see the multiple layers of stars, and you can feel yourself falling upwards, ever so small, but still a part of everything in this three-dimensional reality we call life – only instead of falling upwards, I feel when I watch the clouds race against the sky that if I just could jump a little higher, I could get swept up into the race, floating forever.

I truly envy the birds their freedom.

Speaking of birds, I’m slowly becoming more convinced that the constant morning peeping is a nest in the eaves above the front door to our complex. I got to see a flying something that might have been a bat (they flap. A lot), and I got to see another bird launch towards the ground, and promptly vanish. I’m almost positive there’s some kind of mysterious bird portal that I can’t see, and that’s why they keep vanishing in the field that’s 20 feet from my porch.

The crows were invisible, but they did call out a morning greeting. As the sound came from behind my building, I suspect lunch was somewhere in the direction of the dumpster, but considering we’re heading into a deep freeze that will last over a week, I don’t begrudge them the scraps they might find there.

I stayed out long enough to get smacked in the face with a lot of water, and for my ears to decide they were icicles. I even took a few moments to carry each of my cats outside, to hold them in my arms and let them sniff the winds, which everyone appreciated (even Cleo, who was nervous and had to be chased down to get her chance). I might actually start doing that every day. Well… every day it’s not below freezing, that is.

Also – hot apple cider is absolutely the perfect beverage to pair with a weatherish kind of morning.
-Raven

Reintegration Struggles

As I leaned on the damp balcony rail, looking out over the pale rising light, I was also reaching within me, testing the return of my Gift.

The reintegration is not going well. After my ritual on Sunday, I had a very restless night, and the reason is that as I was beginning to fall asleep, I felt something enter my body. I could literally SEE another body inside with me. It frightened me and I fought to push it out, even as I knew that it had something to do with my Gift – but because it was so unexpected, so overwhelming, I simply reacted and shoved. And then every time I started to drop back off to sleep, I’d panic and jolt awake.

I know it wasn’t a possession. The body didn’t feel like a god, a lwa, or one of those nasty little pests that infect the weak minded. It was made of light though it didn’t FEEL like light. It just felt… solid. And I KNEW I was supposed to be merging with it, not fighting it, but I was so reactive, I couldn’t help it.

So the next day, I tried to fix what I’d done… and it didn’t work as well as I’d hoped, because I then had a dream that if the rejection won, the power would have to go somewhere, and it would most likely hit my son – who is absolutely not prepared for anything woo in his life. My mother raised him as an atheist.

So… I went back to the place where my vision started – the standing stones with their gems of many colored light. I gathered up the light, and swallowed it. And then I tried again to blend with the power I’d rejected so violently.

Right now, I’m at a standstill. I can feel it half in me and half out… that body of power… I can feel the anxious tension between us… but I can’t seem to get further than this.

At sunrise today, I finally decided, I need help to fix this.

I stood with my arms on that damp balcony rail, and I spoke His Enn until I felt His presence.

“I’m stuck. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to fix this. Can You help me?”

“Ah, my lovely girl, you know this is your task. This is your challenge. You must find the answer to this puzzle on your own.” I feel His hand gently move my hair from my face.

“I’m afraid. Will You stay with me while I work on it? Will You hold my hand?”

“I am always with you. All you need do is ask and I am here.”

“Thank you. I’ll work on it again today. I tried to get You rain water, by the way. It’s not working out.”

“Psh – the purified water will do until the rain water comes. A drop of blood in it would be better though.”

“I’ll look for the kit. If we kept it, I know the three most likely places to look. If I can’t find the kit, You will have to wait on that, too, but I will make it happen when I can.”

“When you can. Enjoy the day, my lovely.”

4th Sunrise, Wednesday the 10th of January

Today was a busy thinking sunrise. Again, the world was grey with only a tiny hint of mauve which quickly vanished. I got to hear the peeping of the birds again, saw the same mystery bird flying off and doing its strange vanishing trick. A single, VERY large crow visited, chattered for a bit about the meal he’d found, and then flew off again.

The traffic was a little heavier today, and because the roads were wet, there was a lot more shushing of tires. I got to smell baking sugars this morning, but the chemical afterscent of oil – both cooking oils and road oils, made it less sniffy than usual.

Before the roads got so busy that the chemical smells started, though, the air was so pure. I love the smell of the air after it’s been raining a while. It was still misting – not raining, but there was enough water moving in the air that you could feel the finest drops touching you everywhere. The railing on my balcony was damp, and the water felt lovely. It’s strange to have such a warm rain in January. Especially considering that in two days time, we’re expecting another freeze and some snow. It was 40 degrees F this morning, quite balmy considering the weather last week.

I could feel the earth thinking about spring, which worries me. It’s too early. I hope we don’t have any blossom die-offs again this year. Missouri winters are just so unpredictable.

I had the idea, while sitting out in this very unseasonable damp, that perhaps a “Break the Back of Winter” ritual might be appropriate soon. I’m thinking that sometime during the first week of February, I might create such a ritual… and I’m thinking that Asmodeus is going to be a part of it. I can feel Him in the back of my mind, rubbing His hands in pleasure at the thought of such a ritual.

Perhaps He wants a holiday of His own.

How was your own sunrise? Were you inspired, too?

3rd Sunrise, Tuesday the 9th of January

Well, today I didn’t make it all the way till sunrise… but I did have a really wonderful experience. Sunrise is about 7 minutes away, but one of my neighbors was leaving for somewhere, and his car made a lot of noise, and the fumes were a bit hard to take. I also noticed this morning that one of my other neighbors has not been policing their dog’s… leavings… so I got to experience that odor this morning, too.

However, on the positive side, today’s sunrise came with another dense fog, though not nearly as thick as yesterday. Today’s misty morning clouds were low enough to give all the street lights halos, but not so thick that I couldn’t see the trees in the distance.

The cloud cover is still too thick for the sun to really make a showing – there was a brief appearance of pale mauve across the horizon, but quickly melted back into the grey. The light seemed to pulse from the sky in waves, which was something new and lovely to experience.

I got to listen to the peep peep wheet sounds of those mysterious hidden birds again… and I saw the darting shape of the same bird I saw yesterday. I’m also fairly sure that I heard the sound chhrr of a sparrow out there in the distance – but with all the metal sounds from the traffic, I may have mistaken it. The crows did not put in an appearance today, nor did they call out to say hello.

I did get a very special treat I haven’t had in a very long time. While I still can’t quite FEEL the land and animals around me… I am starting to SEE things again. Today, the air was full of lightning sparks, arcing everywhich way, sheet lightening from atom to atom… and the earth rippled, power like heat waves rolling over her skin, causing the ground to breathe and writhe. I could almost feel it reaching out to me, could almost feel our connection again. It was truly, breathtakingly beautiful.

Second Sunrise, Monday the 8th of January

Today I didn’t get a sunrise, I got FOG. The clouds were so thick, I could not see from my balcony to the cars below it in the parkinglot. All the traffic along the damp roads made shushing sounds as people drove through town. The lights from the local McDonalds made rainbow becons through the mists.

Above me, on the roof I think, were the sounds of some kind of bird. “Wheet, wheet, wheet.” Once, I heard half the call of another bird, one whose call is SO familiar to me, but which I cannot identify at all. It was like listening to liquid light.

Every now and then, I could smell the sweet, spicey scent of frankincense rising off my robe, reminding me of all that I’m working on right now, and making the morning even more sacred.

Twice, I heard military jets flying overhead. They love to fly when the cloud cover is thick – this morning was perfect for them. I can imagine the flyboys and girls, up above the clouds, glorying in their freedom as the sun shines down on their wings and the clouds, making a world of rainbows for them to dance in.

While the sun never truly peaked out from under the cover of the heavy fog, the light steadily increased, as did the warmpth. My downstairs neighbor came out to enjoy the morning as well. He used to be a farmer, and we got to talking about being able to watch the seasons change – how much a part of the cycle you feel, how much a part of the world you feel, as you watch the small day-to-day changes.

Over all of this experience was the soft, moist air, warmer than it’s been in a month. There was no wind, and no real rain – but there was enough mist to cause the gutters to steadily drip, and I found both my breath and my heartbeat joining in the rhythm. I could feel that patterned beat sinking into my muscles, my nerves, my psyche, relaxing me completely.

Last night, I’d put out a few jars, hoping to catch some rain water for Lord Paimon, but unfortunately, while the fog was thick, the roof caught most of the condensation, and the jars were dry. I’ll have to wait for a proper rain.

How was your sunrise?
-Raven

Taking Back the Heart

Earlier this week, we had spoken very briefly to decide when He would like for us to work together – to set up a regular schedule. Paimon’s correspondences include the planetary body, the Sun, as well as the astrological sign Gemini and the directions West and Northwest. Because Gemini is associated with dawn, and because the sun is, as well, we decided that Sundays at dawn would be a good time for us to meet, to start.

I set my alarm for 6 AM, because the sun rose today at 7:18 here in Missouri, and I wanted enough time to ready my ritual space and myself – however, my downstairs neighbors woke me at four, and the cats dragged my happy ass out of bed by five.

I took a ritual shower (I do ritual baths for major ceremonies that I have at night), set up my space, created a new sigil for him (my first, the image on the tablet kept jumping all over the place, so it was… rather messy), set up my altar, put a fresh yellow candle in the center of his offering dish, poured some purified water over the dish as well, lit the red candle for fire and the incense charcoal in the cauldron, and added frankincense resin to the charcoal. I stirred the sea salt to make sure it was still fresh, and cleaned the bowl I use for my water offering, and poured more purified water into it. Finally, I lit King Paimon’s candle from the candle for fire.

I drew a second copy of His sigil, this time without the circle, on a small piece of paper.

I took off my robe, centered myself, and cast my circle, inviting the elements and their Kings, using the Demonic Lord’s Enns. I then settled into my meditation chair, and focused on my breathing. When I felt I was ready, I began shaking the bells rhythmically as I chanted King Paimon’s Enn.

When I felt the power swell within me, I held the sigil to the flame from His candle, and when it was burning well enough, I dropped it into my larger cauldron.

I closed my eyes, re-centered, and waited.

It wasn’t long before I felt his hand on the middle of my back, over my heart, just below my shoulder blades. I breathed into the energy, and said, “I don’t know how to take back my heart. I died. I sacrificed it to come back. I wouldn’t even know where to look… and I’m not sure I want it back. I don’t want to be manipulated and used anymore.”

He smiled. “You have already learned how to draw in your aura. You will never again be a victim of your empathy. I know you miss the Song. I know you feel the hole. Let me make you whole again. Here.” In His hand was an orb of energy, a riot of rainbow. Every color of emotion, swirling madly in his palm.

I considered the hole in my chest, the feeling, after all this time, of jagged, sharp edged wounds unhealed. His had on my back supporting me, I took a breath, and said, “OK.”

Gently, He placed the orb into my chest. Immediately, I felt it begin to connect to me, mending broken strands of me, weaving me back together. Like an infection, it sped through first my physical energetic systems, and then slowly began to infiltrate my other layers, binding to every chakra along the way. As we watched, and occasionally He directed my attention to a new layer or a new area, the Gift that all of my abilities rests upon came home, and finally, I understood. Not an infection at all, but instead, my foundation, my stability, my strength. I watched as this rainbow of power healed places that I didn’t even know were broken, re-weaving me into wholeness.

As everything finally settled, He patted me once more on the back. “Good. Better. You will need rest now. And water. It must settle. Do nothing yet. Wait. When you may extend yourself, I will come to you.”

I opened my eyes, bowed before my altar, gave thanks to my Patron and to the four Elemental Kings and to the All, put out the candles, and went out to greet the day.

I admit, I did try to stretch, just a little bit, while outside. I couldn’t reach very far, but I could feel the difference. Now I have to actually WORK to stretch my aura. It has learned to stay close to me. I am not a victim of my empathy anymore, and never will be again.

And finally, after years of silence… I heard the Song. Just the edge of it, but it was enough. I almost cried.

First Sunrise, Sunday the 7th of January

My Sunday sunrises are dedicated to time with Paimon, so today’s sunrise was viewed through the window in my ritual room. Because it was so overcast (we have a winter storm coming in), my sunrise was nothing more than a smear of magenta beneath the clouds. The pre-dawn light rapidly became daylight today, as if the world was in a hurry to wake.

After my morning devotional ritual to Paimon, I made myself a cup of hot cocoa and went and sat on the porch. It was about twenty minutes after sunrise, and while the world was definitely up and moving, there were still a few pleasant moments.

For one, there is a lovely wind today – oddly warm, while still being nippy, it charged up the side of my building and into my secluded little nook, before racing around the corner and wailing between the two buildings. I really love it when the wind is so excited, as it rushes ahead of a really good storm.

There were only two crows this morning who joined me for my morning moments, but there was also another bird, I think perhaps a starling, though that would be surprising as they’re migratory birds, but it flew by scooping its wings and pushing, so that it was for a moment bird shaped, and then only a slightly plump line with a long straight tail. It was only a little smaller than the crows, but watching it move like a dart through the air so joyfully made me smile. The crows, of course, called to one another as they flew by – but the other bird was quite silent.

The air smelled crisp and clean. I didn’t get to smell any of the nearby restaurants and their morning baking. We live in a very small town, so a lot of places are closed on Sundays, but I did miss the smell of baking sugars and coffee on the wind.

The sounds of the wind through the trees, across the grasses, and between the buildings, was a steady hiss with the occasional creek and groan, and once or twice, a howl. The traffic was light and distant, the sounds of the cars, and I think a trailer loading up, a pleasant background to my steady breathing.

Despite the storm on its way, the world felt calm. There are times when, before a really good winter storm, you can feel the whole world pausing. Animals huddle in their burrows, wondering if they’ll make it through, people rush off to the stores to pick up the strangest supplies in their sudden instinctual grab for comfort foods, before they, too, retreat to their homes to hide. There’s often a sense of waiting, with an edge of panic. I have always called it Snow Fear, because there’s no better description.

Though we are expecting both ice, sleet, and snow today and into tonight, there is no Snow Fear to be felt, so I know that today’s winter storm will be neglible in its effects.

I sat outside in my favorite pajamas, socks, and robe. They’re all super fluffy and soft, and so very warm that I don’t normally wear them inside, but for early winter mornings, they’re pretty perfect, so I got to snuggle in my soft, fuzzy, comforting clothes, sipping hot cocoa, feeling the wind nip at my skin. It was a wonderful start to my 100 days.

How was your own sunrise?

-Raven

Sunrise Challenge – 100 Days

Starting tomorrow morning, I will be challenging myself to an Awareness Exercise. Every day, for 100 days, I will be present as the sun rises, and afterwards, I will write down my thoughts and feelings, and my sensory observations during the experience.

If any of you would like to join me in the challenge (or do 100 Sunsets, if that’s better for your schedule), please feel free! I would love to hear about your own experiences as we go forward together… and honestly, the more people who are participating and sharing, the more we can all support each other!

See you tomorrow morning!


-Raven

Keeping an Oath

The circle is cast, the candles lit, the offerings made. His sigil is painted in gold on canvas and laid on the altar.

I breathe in, and out. In, and out.

In my hand, I hold a bracelet made of bells. As I breathe, I shake the bells in rhythmic time to my breath, as in my mind His Enn echoes… “Linan tasa jedan Paimon, Linan tasa jedan Paimon, Linan tasa jedan Paimon.”

I see a thick rope of energy stretching out into infinity before me, a cord built of Enn and Name. I reach out and take hold of it, resolved to follow it to its end and Keeper.
I plummet, and find myself surrounded by mists, in a circle of worn down rocks. Each stands as tall as I, and each has a gemstone at about heart height, all the gems producing pastel light through the vapor around me. I see ballet slipper, butter, cerulean… I know there are more, but the world is wavering before me, as if the mist has been parted by a frameless window. Through it, I see the desert.

As I try to see clearer, I feel an odd… shifting/falling/spinning… and then I am surrounded by sand and heat. A sharp wind whips me with small grains, pushing me forward, and to the right. I look in that direction and begin to walk.

It’s not long before I find a scorpion. It’s nearly a foot long, almost see through. My mind tells me to be wary, but emotionally, I feel no fear, no concern. I find myself remembering the fifth pentacle of Mars seal of Solomon, the scorpion seal for protection and reversal of negative energy, which at the end of my long illness was so pivotal in my rebirth. I reach down, and stroke the scorpion in gratitude for its message and its nature, and then I walk a wide circle around it to the left, and then continue straight, again letting the wind show me the way.

Sand wafts like smoke signals before me, and I follow them.

I come to a clay vessel buried in the desert soil. As I gently brush the sand away to unearth it, I find it is nearly three feet tall, but it weighs very little. It is still sealed shut with wood and tar and leather, and both handles are still attached. The pottery feels slick and cool, and oddly smooth and pitted at the same time – as if I am feeling both the present and the past all at once. I open it to find water. As I drink, I find beneath the water dates, raisins, and figs, and chunks of spices and resins. Under the fruit and spices, I find scrolls, fragile and ancient, their ink long since vanished away. Finally, I find flakes of gold, as if the inside of the urn was once gilded, and time washed it all to the bottom.

I understand, these are the riches I carry within myself – a symbol of the gifts I carry in offering to others, and also a representation of what is being offered to me.

I hoist the urn up, and with rope, I place it on my back to carry with me… and then I move forward. The wind turns me again to the right, and before me I see ruts in the sand, as if many wheels have passed. I find this strange – wheels would bog down in the granulated earth – and then I see that there are stones, a road, paved through the desert. I follow the grooves.

There is another strange skipping sensation, and I am standing beside stone walls. They have been worn away with time – most are buried in the sands, but what remains only comes to my knees in places. I reach out and rub my hands on the bricks, feeling their rough, weathered texture against my palms. As I take my hands away, I rub the grit off between my fingers. I feel an enormous sense of pleasure in the feel of those stones and the dust of ages – a feeling of deep appreciation for the history they represent. This is a City. There is a sense of City as an energy, a human experience. As I touch the walls, I feel in touch with times beyond my memory… and yet I see the days when the City stood as if I lived them – as if I REMEMBER them.

I have a sense of someone with me, now, behind and to my left. I cannot see them – I am focused on the arch that has appeared.

I walk through the entrance, and there is another twist to reality. I am at an ancient well in the center of the city. I have a sense of the city both alive and dead around me as I kneel at the well. I take the urn off my back, and use the rope to send it down into the well. I’m not sure if I’m offering what’s in the urn to the depths, or if I am drawing something out of them with the vessel. Perhaps it is both.

I see a male hand held out to me in offering. It is brown, and callused. As it reaches towards me, I can see a silk cuff at the wrist. I hear a man’s voice say, “Take back your heart, Sister.”

I’m hesitant. I’m not sure if I want to…. but, I take the hand, and feel it help me begin to rise up.

My eyes open. I offer my thanks, and open the circle.

What’s In A Name?

He stands before me, silent now. Before, when He was so determined to catch my attention, it was as if the entire world was crashing into my awareness. Always with His coming, I fracture, so great is His noise, but once He is before me, all is still. The pause between moments, the in-breathing before magick Happens. I revel in that stillness – for a person of my sensitivity, it is a gift – and worth all the pageantry and near-trauma in His coming.

We regard each other. I know it’s not time yet, but clearly, He has a reason. I have been overset for two days now – my attention pulled every direction, my wits scattered, even my sleep distracted. It took time today to relax – I awoke unhappy and unable to settle. Two days He has tried my defenses, and finally He has found the Moment, and has no more need to shout.

Of course, after all that, I’m the one who speaks first. “Who were You?” He arches one fine black eyebrow at me, and I shake my hand. “No, I don’t want your Name. That would be silly – besides, I don’t have one, so why should I ask for Yours? No, I want to know who You were back then. I want to know more about You, Your history, the culture You were part of, the traditions, the mystic paths. You know I have a passion for such things.”

He smiles, a flash of white in all that golden skin. They’re mostly sharp – I suspect it’s intended. “You DO have a Name. I remember You. You were ____”

The world implodes with that Word.

I never expected to hear it again. After all… I am no more.

It was as if aeons were stripped from me, and my atoms flayed, that word… In one moment, I lost this fragile skin suit, this illusion, and I was returned to myself. I could feel the fertility of my soil, that rich, black, powder. I was greenness as it pushed upwards into the sky, as it dug down and broke rock to carve nutrients from my skin. I remembered the heat and the cool winds from the ocean. I remembered the feel of the sky pressed against me. I remember the vagaries of island weather. I remember the river that cut through my body to nourish those who called me Mother. I trembled with the pounding of beasts hooves upon my flesh, the small sounds of burrowers, the hunters and the hunted all nourished by my verdancy, while deep in my heart, the fire that created and destroyed slumbered…

Until one day, it didn’t… and all I knew was death.

I remember my heart bursting forth, pouring fire and smoke and ash over my greatest triumphs. I remember the frantic scurrying, the bleating, the silence. I remember the screams of those who called me Goddess as they burned beneath my heat.

I remember the loss of my Name.

With that one word, I realize that 70,000 years is not enough time to mourn.

“No one has spoken that Name in a very, very long time. Did I know You, then?”

He laughs. “No – I’m not nearly so old as that. But I knew You. We all know You.”

I’m not sure if that’s terrifying, or soothing. I don’t know that I ever liked being nameless – I’m used to the familiarity of it at least, but the idea that I am remembered, that a Name that has died is still known… that’s deeply unsettling.

 

I’m still not sure what His purpose was, in coming to me… and He never did answer my question. So far, my research has shown that He was probably a caravan God in ancient Persia – His name literally translates to “Oath,” or “Promise,” and probably refers to trade protections, and the vital necessity of trade goods and services. Much of what we know from that time in Syrian history is based on cuneiform pictograms from Sumer, which were used in trade between Sumer and Elam as a means to track trade items, debts, and payments. To these ancient peoples, writing was practical magick – both useful and binding. What was written, as a debt or collection of a debt, and what was recorded as a catalogue to keep track of items in trade routes, was seen as an unbreakable contract made with the divine – literally oaths or promises protected by the God of the Caravan.

Even the way that He arrives shows the holdover from those roots. Caravans were always loud, but often when coming into populated areas, they were deliberately LOUDER, sending cryers before them into the cities, announcing their possible wealth to the citizens – the arrival of a caravan or ship was a cause for celebration, anounced by drums, cymbols, and loud voices. Such pageantry is still evident in the customs still maintained today in places such as the Aswan Market in Egypt, and the Marrakesh markets in Morocco, where a good bartering session that ends in a pleasing bargain is called out to all.

His name has remained in the language of modern Syria, virtually unchanged for the last 5,000 years. Today, it is a popular name for men.

All of this is, of course, pure conjecture – which was why I asked Him who He once was… though His answer was certainly revealing of His feelings about such a question. I don’t like to be reminded of who I once was – it hurts too much to remember what I lost. It was insensitive of me, to say the least.

I do tend to let my curiosity run my mouth. Clearly, He’s prepared to give as good as He gets.

Handy Links For Empaths in Trouble

Empathic Auras

So if you can pull in your aura, then ground, that should help the most. Once you’ve reigned in your aura and grounded, then you can do a very simple cleanse. Eventually, you will want to work on your chakras, because empaths are MADE, through trauma and abuse. Empathy is a natural ability of all humans, but empaths who are as sensitive as you are develop it as a defensive mechanism against harmful situations. Having your aura spread out so wide allows you to be prepared. It’s a form of hyper-vigilance.

So, about cleansing. Once you have your aura contained, and you’ve grounded, I would suggest that you go for a walk in a place where there aren’t a lot of people (I like to walk after dark, or take a hiking trail). While you are walking, just focus on breathing the fresh air, the stillness and the silence. Let the greenness of the world, or the whiteness/darkness if you’re walking in winter or at night, let the weather and the season just sort of recharge you as you breathe it in.

Finally, a bare-bones method is simply to visualize a ball of white light as large as your aura (for most people this is three feet wide, for you it’s probably considerably larger which is why I don’t suggest doing this until you’ve got your aura reigned in) coming down through you from the sky, and a second one coming up through you from the earth. See these balls as collecting all the muck as they go, and as the ball from the sky enters the earth below you, and the ball from the earth enters the sky above you, see the earth and sky absorb those balls and the negativity they’ve removed from you.

Also, this article will be helpful for you. Crystals for Aura Protection

Eventually you WILL have to work on your chakras; the why is handily explained in this article: How Abuse Affects Our Chakras

Also this one: What Blocks Our Chakras and Why

And this one: And this one: Understanding Your Chakras

Here are links to what I’ve written about chakras in the past.

What About the OTHER Chakras

Chakra Lessons: Cleansing

Purification Ritual for Cleansing and Clearing the Chakras

I was an empath once. I don’t recommend the way I had to go to stop it, but I remember what it was like, so whenever I see anyone having difficulties, I feel like it’s my duty to share what I know about it.

-Raven

Simple Rites

This is my altar for my most recent evocation. What you see is the bare bones of a ritual. The canvas bears the sigil of the demon I am working with. Upon the canvas, I have a candle, in the color he requested, and below that, a plate of offerings. The offerings are gemstones which match his specialty, and an incense mix which he chose. The herbs are cat nip, rose, chamomile, jasmine, lavender, lemon balm, and lobelia. The resin is copal, and the essential oil is an amber blend.

This is also the incense which is burning on the charcoal. The incense serves a dual purpose, in that it is an offering to the Air element, but is also tuned to the intentions which I and the demon are working towards. I have a red candle, which is an offering to the element of Fire, a bowl of purified water as an offering to the Water element, and a bowl of sea salt as an offering to the element of Earth.

Once my altar was set up, I settled on my meditation chair, lit the candles, added the incense to my charcoal, closed my eyes, and began to breathe into trance.

As I drew each breath, I counted down. I drew three deep breaths, and as I breathed out, I chanted in my mind the number three. I then drew three more deep breaths, and as I breathed out, I chanted the number two. I drew three final breaths, chanting the number one. As I counted down, and breathed, I entered a state of holding – of stillness.

Once in that state, I began my evocation. The evocation is simple. I place the first two fingers of my right hand upon the canvas which bears his sigil, resting my fingertips lightly, as I chant, “I call to you, ‘(name of demon goes here). Join me in my sacred space. I seek counsel from you. Come forth, and join in companionship,” three times.

This is a soft evocation. It is an invitation, a request. It is not a demand. It does not use force. It is not reliant on the force of others. It does not require any tools – the items on my altar are not tools, even those which stand as representation of elements of my ritual. They are offerings only, and unnecessary save for politeness.

The key to my ritual is respect. This demon is one I have worked with many times. In the beginning, I did a lot of research about him. When I felt I was ready, I set up my altar of offerings to him, and drew his sigil on three small pieces of paper. That morning, I burned his sigil, while making my request to work with him, and then I meditated, paying attention to the energy that flowed through my sacred space. Throughout the day, I paid attention to the world around me, taking note of any favorable or negative signs. That evening, I burned the second sigil, again making my request, and meditated, feeling out the flows of energy around me. That night, I placed the third sigil under my pillow. The next morning, I noted my dreams of the night. The signs I had received, the energies I felt, and the dreams I had, all indicated to me a positive response.

I took the third sigil out from under my pillow, went to my altar, and burned it, repeating my evocation request. At this time, he arrived, and we sat down to have a serious discussion about why I had called him – what I hope to learn from working with him, hope to gain, and also what requests he had for offerings, specific behaviors he required of me when working with him.

For this demon, he requires a white candle, certain gemstones, and certain oils to be anointed on his offerings when I evoke him. He has requested that we meet at a certain time, and that if we’re not going to be working on a daily basis, that I follow the 24 hour procedure when I do wish to work with him, unless we have an agreed upon schedule. Right now, I am working with him daily, but eventually as this current growth cycle comes to a conclusion, it is likely that I will only be working with him on his weekday, and that may eventually become only a lunar cyclical pattern.

This particular demon and I are doing extensive shadow work within my soulscape. We are working on correcting some long-held negative emotional patterns, and the experiences with him, while they have often been quite difficult and challenging, have been extremely beneficial, and the release of so much repressed emotional baggage has been truly freeing.

When I began working with Angels and demons, my first research was Goety. The Lesser Key rituals were extravagant, and for certain entities, brutal, violent. I felt extremely uncomfortable with the style. It’s not in me to abuse, especially when I understood already that the entities I was working with were deities of ancient pantheons, and only recently demonized by the newest religion. As I’m not a practitioner of that religion, I felt that to approach Goetic angels or demons in this fashion would be disingenuous of my own true nature and path.

Because I had already had a strong grounding in the fundamentals of magick, because I understood that most of the trappings of ritual are tools for the developing magician and not truly necessary once a practitioner reaches a certain stage in their practice, I decided to look for other practitioners and their ways of doing things, and I decided to experiment.

In my journey, I found a book on Demonolatry, where the goetic entities are evoked in a similar formal manner, but without the egoic posturing of the magician, and without the abuse of those entities. I also found even simpler rituals of evocation in the works of Frater U∴D∴, which I truly felt most in tune with my own mindset, and which eventually became the backbone of my own evocation practices. Finally, I met a demonolatry priestess, whose written invitations, with minor editing, became my own.

I feel that it is important for each practitioner who wishes to begin evocation of entities to study many sources of evocation practices, and to eventually build their own rituals, rites, and practices from those studies, in accordance to their own nature, their own will, their own ethical and moral perspectives. It is also important for each practitioner to continue to develop those perspectives and practices even after they have codified them. We can always learn something new – and isn’t that mostly why we practice evocation in the first place?

-Raven

On Blood Magick

What type of working are you doing during your menses? In the cases where you are NOT one of those women who feel drained, sick, in pain, or any of the other uncomfortable symptoms, menses casting can be EXTREMELY powerful… but once done, they cannot be UNdone.

http://everymagicalday.wordpress.com/2011/08/10/blood-magick-a-blood-spell/

http://www.luckymojo.com/bodyfluids.html

http://wolf.mind.net/womens/menses.htm

http://www.arcane-archive.org/religion/hinduism/yoga/tantra/neo-tantra/the-ritualistic-importance-of-menstruation-and-menstrual-blood-2.php

These should get you going…

The Unwritten “Laws” Of Magick

So, one of the things that I probably haven’t written about yet here are the so-called unwritten laws of magick.

One of those laws is that your subconscious is the one that takes the energy you give to a spell, and seeds the universe with that. Know Thyself isn’t just pretty words… it’s important to understand your deeper self, and your intimate motivations, because yes, absolutely, they will interfere with a spell’s effects.

For example – when I was younger, I wasn’t financially stable. If I got into a tight spot, I’d cast a spell for money. In return for my energies and hopes, I’d get…

1) A ten dollar note under my foot on my way to work… which was monopoly money
2) A whole ton of pennies showing up everyfreakingwhere.

I did NOT get the amount I needed… or if I did, it ALWAYS cost me later. It was always one step forward, twelve steps back.

Another example – when I was a very young adult, I had the usual illusions about love. I cast a few “my perfect partner” spells… and someone always came along… and it was always awful. The issue was that because I didn’t believe myself worthy of love, I attracted, with my spell, people with similar issues, or issues that would exacerbate my own.

If you do not have a clear, focused, pure intent, then yeah… your spells will go badly. If you find yourself feeling doubts, fears, or having thoughts that are counter to the result you are seeking… STOP CASTING. Deal with the emotional and mental issue you’re having. Take the time to understand who you are, and where your thoughts and feelings are coming from, and take the time to nurture yourself into a healthier state. THEN go back to casting, with better focus.

Casting while fearing bad things will happen, or fearing the worst, will imbue your magick with those fears, and draw their realization into the physical for you to deal with consciously. It is absolutely dangerous if you’re not ready for it – and normally it’s counter to your actual needs of the moment. There ARE times when that should be your intent – when you’re feeling ready to deal with an issue, using magick to force it into a physical shape so that you CAN deal with it, can be very healing…

But doing it accidentally is… highly unpleasant at best.

There is absolutely a difference between “mind” and “astral” but it takes practice to learn the difference. The difference is essentially that one is internal, and the other external. Astral is EVERYWHERE. You’re in it right now. With focused intent, you can use your “mind” to shape the astral. It’s like… the mind is a muscle, and astral is the dough that you are shaping into whatever you want to bake back into reality.

If you picture an object in your mind, it’s a picture in your mind. Someone else with specific psychic skills might be able to see the object in your mind, but if you don’t do more than PICTURE something, it’s not created… YET. The ability to turn something from a picture in your head into an actual astral reality (and eventually a physical effect) requires energy and intent. You can get energy from practice, or you can get it from emotions in the moment. The stronger you feel about the imagery you’re creating, the more likely it will become an astral projection rather than just something in your imagination. Emotions, when you’re just starting, are the easiest source of energy to create a real effect which can be shared with someone else.

With the exercise I wrote, we use physical energy to create the astral imprinted spell, and we shape that energy with visualizations – the whole exercise is set up to avoid emotional overlay because that way lies dragons. Your emotions are not stable – we almost never feel only one emotion, and most of the emotions we’re not aware of in the moment are negative ones… which means that even the happiest moment is tainted by something underneath which we do not voice. Using emotion to power most spells is thus inherently untrustworthy if you want positive results. If you’re specifically raising anger or pain as an energetic bus for your spell, then yeah, emotion will do the trick.

The reason I start out with having people familiarize themselves with their own energy, as opposed to any other form of energy, is because if you know your own energy, when communication happens, if it’s not you, you’ll be able to recognize it because it will not have your own flavor to it. Until you know yourself and your energy well enough, there is absolutely a danger of misinterpreting your own thoughts as those coming from outside you. The longer you’re here on this forum the more you’ll see people who are confused by this. The ego (and I’m not talking about inappropriate confidence, but the psychological concept of an ego) is full of flaws, and when you start working with metaphysical stuff, all those flaws are going to become bigger. If you have a really negative ego, that’s going to end up being interpreted as an attack. There’s this issue with people who come to the metaphysical world seeking a magickal resolution to all their problems… and that is that the metaphysical world is the real world magnified. Whatever your problems are, adding magick to it will magnify them. The “prime directive” of magick is KNOW THYSELF – because if you know yourself, warts and all, then you can control what parts of you get magnified into the physical world, and which parts you keep from becoming monsters under your bed.

Honestly, though, the only way to avoid this particular pitfall is practice… and the willingness to deal with the fallout of being exposed and magnified. If you want to deal with magick, even if it’s only second-hand by having someone else do things for you (cast spells, conjure spirits, whatever), then you HAVE to be willing to face yourself, the worst parts of yourself… you have to be willing to be accountable for where you are in life. Magick does NOT fix problems… it exacerbates them into the physical so that YOU can fix them. It’s all about personal responsibility… and if you don’t want to take responsibility for where you are in life, then it will absolutely blow up in your face.

I see a lot of desperate people come to magick as their last ditch effort. So much in this world is unfair and ugly and overwhelming, and people don’t always have perspective. Many people who come to magick lack maturity in their emotional responses to trouble. While we can’t stop the world from turning, we absolutely do have power over how we respond to downward momentum… and if you’re stuck in a negative spiral of thought, magick is not something you should be touching. It could ALWAYS be worse.

So… the best way to avoid the issue of being bullied by yourself is to stop bullying yourself. And don’t touch magick until you’re done using yourself, or anyone/anything else as a scapegoat.

The second best is to practice with your own energy, over and over, until you know when it’s you, and when it’s not.

If you are working with energy at the time that you have unwanted thoughts coming up, you can absolutely cast those thoughts without meaning to.

One of the first exercises a magician practices is that of mental control, an exercise designed to improve your ability to focus, as well as exclude unnecessary thoughts. It’s a deceptively simple exercise.

Take five minutes and let your mind run rampant. At the end of the five minutes… write down every thought you had during that five minutes. Practice until you have perfect recall.

Take five minutes and hold only one thought. Practice until you can hold one thought, and only one, for the full five minutes.

Take five minutes and have no thoughts. Practice until no intrusions happen for a full five minutes.

Always create a detailed record of your progress. This will show you where your weaknesses are, and help you determine how to fix them.

-Ed Fitch, A Grimoire of Shadows

You can see how simple it sounds… and I’m sure you can figure out how difficult it is to actually do. For me, because I have ADD, it was pretty much impossible. I had to find workarounds for it.

I found that giving my mind something to do allowed me to focus. In the same way that someone with ADD can zone into a book or videogame and have absolutely NO clue what else is going on around them, if I turn on music or if I create a mental journey for myself, I can have that same level of focus. When I’m working magick, I can be so focused that the roof could cave in and I wouldn’t notice – but only because when I’m working magick, I am actively DOING something.

Another way you can work on your focus is meditation. You can use music to give your brain something to chew on while you dig into the trance state, or you can use guided meditations, if focus is a huge issue for you.. but the biggest asset of daily meditation is getting to know yourself, so it’s actually better to pay attention to your thoughts at that time. You have to learn to listen to yourself, if you’re ever going to help fix the issues you have with yourself or the wider reality.

The issue with magick is that people don’t do daily psychological maintenance. They don’t meditate. They don’t journal. They ignore themselves and focus on the external world… and problems build up. Magick is the manipulation of the internal to MAKE it external… which means if you’re not aware of the internal, magick will make you aware…

And in highly creative, but honestly painful ways.

-Raven

On Creating Consequence Free Spells

All magick is the manipulation of energies, the imprinting of those energies with ideas, and then the manifestation of those ideas into reality.

Magick is essentially neutral. Intent CAN be neutral, or not, but magick itself is absolutely neutral, in the same way that light and gravity are absolutely neutral.

However, humans interpret magick as being polarized when the EFFECTS occur. So it’s not a spell that’s white arts or black arts or dark arts or whatever you want to call it… it’s the consequences.

If you want neutral consequences, don’t do magick, because that’s counter to what magick IS… magick is the art of taking energy and making it have consequences, and NO consequence is neutral in the human perspective. You’re ALWAYS going to see magickal effects realized as either positive or negative. Humans think in highly personal ways. “Do I like this effect, or does it feel bad?” If it feels bad to you, even if it doesn’t feel bad to the rest of the world, you label those consequences as dark. If it feels bad to a lot of people, then a lot of people label it as bad. Someone not affected, or affected in a positive way, will label the exact same spell as good.

There’s no such thing as a spell that has an effect in the world that is neutral in execution. Someone, somewhere, is going to have feelings about the results.

Any magickal spell can be used for either white arts or dark arts purposes. It’s the intent that makes that so.

If you cast a spell with the intent to have flexible outcomes that might or might not impact others in a perceived by them negative way, then you’ve intentionally cast a dark arts spell.

If you cast the same spell with the intent to have a static outcome that does not impact anyone in any way that could be perceived as negative, you’ve intentionally cast a white arts spell.

It’s not the spell that changes. Its your intent. If you want to create a spell that can do both, my advice is to give the spell some autonomy, as if you’re taking the first steps towards creating a servitor. Then the spell can choose what’s best in the moment, but you can set it to default as white arts where the situation allows for it.